sometimes

Indeed...

Sunday Serenade: ghost town

Like this song by Adam Lambert... cos it describes aptly my current situation.. "My heart is a ghost town"..


Ghost Town
performed by Adam Lambert

Died last night in my dreams
Walking the streets
Of some old ghost town
I tried to believe
In God and James Dean
But Hollywood sold out
 
Saw all of the saints
Lock up the gates
I could not enter
Walked into the flames
Called out your name
But there was no answer
 
And now I know my heart is a ghost town
My heart is a ghost town
My heart is a ghost town
My heart is a ghost town
 
Died last night in my dreams
All the machines
Had been disconnected
Time was thrown at the wind
And all of my friends
Had been disaffected
 
Now, I'm searching for trust
In a city of rust
A city of vampires
Tonight, Elvis is dead
And everyone's spread
And love is a satire
 
And now I know my heart is a ghost town
My heart is a ghost town
My heart is a ghost town
My heart is a ghost town
 
There's no one left in the world
I'm gunslingin'
Don't give a damn if I go
Down, down, down
I got a voice in my head that keeps singing
Oh, my heart is a ghost town
 
My heart is a ghost town
Oh, my heart is a ghost town
(Said, my heart)
My heart is a ghost town
My heart is a ghost town









Have a great week ahead!

one long year

Can't believe I've not update this blog for almost a year... time flies... kinda cliche but it's true nonetheless..

Didn't visit any (new) country last year.. stayed in my room most of the time.. didn't even go to the university/library/department as often as I liked..

2015 was an uneventful year.. nothing much happened, personally and professionally.. still struggling to write and produce research papers... after that trip to the Netherlands and Belgium, my productivity dropped drastically to almost non-existent..  

2015 was a fairly busy year, but with other people's research.. was assisting 2 professors in their paper translations and is the journal assistant for my department.. been reading a lot, but unable to put my thoughts onto paper...

Hopefully I will be more productive in 2016.. promised my adviser that I'll have a paper for him by end of April, so that's a dateline I intend to keep.. I foresee lots of things happening this year.. so let's hope I'm ready to handle them..

Rant.. like never before..

I hate that my first proper post for 2015 is gonna be so negative, but alas, since I promised to stop posting on FB to someone very dear to me, less it be misunderstood by people who are so freaking sensitive and childish, I need to turn somewhere to express my frustrations on this matter. So hear me out.

Many times people just don’t get it. And unfortunately the society condones and exacerbate this too . Your profession or occupation doesn’t make you special or important; it only tells people that you are (book) smart. It is a person’s character and behaviors that define a person. So what if you are a doctor? A manager? Or a pharmacist? It only tells people that you can study or had the opportunity to study. Why do people think that they are great just because they work in a big company or is a professional like accountants or lawyers? It is just a job that you happen to be qualified for. It says absolutely NOTHING about you as a person. GOD/Allah/Buddha doesn’t care if you are a manager in a big company or a dentist. CEOs, lawyers and accountants, like everyone else, get sick and/or get into accidents too. And in my books, those who think they are great just because of their occupation/post don’t even qualify as ‘decent’. I pity them for the rude shock they suffer when they realized that the world doesn’t give a shit about the position stated on their name cards.

For someone who has yet to start work but already think that she is so bloody great just because she graduated from a ‘supposedly’ prestigious university (which in real fact not even listed in any top 100 Universities’ lists) and a ‘respectable’ course (aka pharmacy), she has much more to learn. She has yet to work a day as a pharmacist-in-training, much less earn her pharmacist license, but already she thinks she is above everyone and deserved to be treated as VIP. Pharmacists are a dime a dozen in this country, just like doctors. Maybe at home she is pampered as she is the youngest and only daughter. Maybe all her family and relatives give in to her every time. Maybe she is treated as a princess at home. But hello ‘Princess’, life is a bitch and just wait for this dog-eat-dog world to get a taste of you. Overly-sensitive, overly-protected and unbelievably childish -- a lethal combination for a major rude awakening in the future! I for one am looking forward to the day her sheltered life is shattered and she realized the painful truth that only her family thinks she is ‘special’ in any way. Because frankly, no one else gives a damn. She could be the Queen of England or earn billions for all I care, but if she thinks that she is greater than the rest of us, then she is no friend, much less a relative of mine.

It is just laughable how small and pathetic their world is. Just because her prick of a brother graduated from a SG university (hey, me too), is working in a MNC (hey, I did too), earns SG dollars (hey, I earn Euro!) and seems to know lots (hey, can he beat a PhD? Or someone who had lived in 4 countries and travel/see so much more?), whatever he says is gospel to her. That fella only comes home a few times a year, doesn’t give any money to their parents, doesn’t take care of the elders in the family, doesn’t help in any way except to stir up chaos, disputes and bitterness wherever he goes. He might be working for some big company in SG (which seems to carry a lot of weight in this little town), in my eyes he is nothing but a troublemaking egoistic jerk. As for her, I have never seen such a naïve and immature person in my life! But again, I don’t mix much cos I wanted to avoid such dumb bitches in the first place. Can’t wait till she sees what this ruthless brutal world is going to do to her. It is gonna swallow her whole and spit her out without a second glance. Just hope that she has the inner strength, which I highly doubt she possesses, to put herself back together again. The same goes with that ass of a brother of hers.

And I will say one last thing: Her brother’s arrogance and her naivety shall be their downfall one day. It is just the eventuality of it happening, as I do not doubt its possibility. When it does, I will be there laughing and cheering when they are pulled off their high horses and fall flat on their faces. I shall relish the day and will most definitely rub it in when that happens. I really hope that we do NOT become relatives. I absolutely do not want to be associated with such people much less be relatives with them.

I regretted treating her as my little sis and henceforth she is nothing to me. Had not felt so much rage and anger for a very long time. It is bad for my health. Thus, this shall be the last ranting I am gonna make cos these are taking up way too much of my precious time. Like I always say, “Life is too short, ignore all morons”.

End note:

What I’ve written might seem harsh and overly critical, but I stand by every single word. Will I regret what I’ve just written? Maybe, in the far far far future, but the emotions and feelings I felt right now have to be vented. Will things turn out okay in the end? I don’t know but I learned one thing all these year, ‘never say never’. Will things be back to what it used to be? DEFINTELY NO. That I can say for sure. I will keep my distance from this family from now onwards. As I have nothing but contempt, loathing and pity for this family, I do not foresee being chummy with anyone of them, now or in the future.

back for CNY

Yep, I'm back in Msia for CNY. :)

Unlike previous years, I won't be helping my parents with CNY preparations or cookie-making. I'm with my sister helping her out at her clinic. We do plan to make some simple cookies but 'plan' is the keyword here. Not too sure how much cookies we'll be able to make after an entire day's work. Anyway, we are going to try.

Was planning to visit my godson in Singapore end of this month, but couldn't get any bus tix so I had to cancel my plans.. Was looking forward to meet up with some friends and ex-colleagues too.. oh well.. looks like I will need to wait a year or two before being able spending some time with my godson.. :( Haven't hugged him since 2009, although I've seen him many times through video chats..

Anyway, I will be in Malaysia till end of the month before flying back to Taiwan on Mar 01. Time flies when you are having fun... :) :)