Seemed like I have just woken up from a dream.. a dream that lasted more than 3.5 years.. a dream that started in Feb 2007 when I got the letter telling me that I have been awarded a full government scholarship to do my Masters in Japan.. a dream that gave me the luxury of doing things that I didn't have time for while working full time.. a dream that allowed me the time and money to visit many countries.. a dream that I can make amends and really study hard to get good grades that I know I should have gotten for my first degree.. a dream that gave me the opportunity to make new friends and be more sociable..
Alas, it was all but a dream.. Time to wake up and face the reality.. I did had a great time, experiencing many new things, (emotional) highs and lows.. trying new stuff and challenging my own boundaries.. traveling and enjoying myself thoroughly.. yet, nothing last.. those awesome grades (only 1C among my 25 As) that I have gotten doesn't mean a thing in the real corporate world.. those unforgettable experiences I have no one to share with.. all those fantastic photographs are just taking up space in my hard disk.. 98% of the friendships made during that period didn't manage to withstand the test of time (left Japan just 9 months ago and I've already been forgotten).. all the good times we shared became a mockery to our supposedly "closeness" as friends..
Maybe I am a dreamer.. maybe I am too sentimental.. maybe I should stop believing all the nice politically correct things that people say but don't mean them at all.. maybe I should stop hoping those supposedly "good friends" of mine would remember to say hi once in a while... maybe I should stop wearing my heart on my sleeves all the time and kept getting hurt in the process.. maybe I should stop thinking that people actually give two hoots about me.. maybe I am just a useless piece of shit who has nothing to look forward to, thus the constant reminiscing.. maybe I should just stop feeling..
2 comments:
Hey there,
Cheer up. We have not forgotten you. Tired of wearing your heart on a sleeve? Really? I did not even think you were into romantic liaisons. Maybe I was just looking the wrong way...or you are interested you just play for the other team. In any case its not really important which team you bat for. Your friends have not forgotten you. Hang in there. :-)
hey, thanks for leaving me a comment here..
truth be told, all these years I didn't think I would be playing in the league at all, much less for the other team.. but those few years in Japan changed all that as it gave me the opportunity to really think and reflect.. and I am still getting used to the fact that I am batting for e other team..
will hang tough.. just not very sure for how much longer before something has to give..
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