time to wake up....

Just got an email notifying me that my application for the TW Gov. scholarship wasn't successful.. thus the financial side of my PhD dream has fallen through.. this piece of news is like a needle that just burst my dream of furthering my studies...

Although it will be another 2-3 more weeks before the result is released, frankly,  I am not all that confident that my application to the 3 TW universities will encounter much success either.. darn! I am so depressed right now.. :( :(

I've made quite a few plans these past 20 months.. and none of them seemed to be working.. bad news and rejections kinda became my best pals, they became the only constants in my life... I am not the me I used to be.. with all news being bad news, I am really worried that I've forgotten how to be happy anymore.. I've been down for so long (it felt long even when it is "only" 20 months) that I can't remember when I last smiled/laughed happily.. 

Maybe it is time to wake up and face the reality.. Maybe it is time to shove my dream of getting my Doctorate and being a mentor to the younger generation.. Maybe it is time to get an actual job and move out of my parents place.. Maybe it is time to go back to the corporate world and start being part of the rat race all over again.. Maybe it is time to stop (wishing for a chance of) doing the things I like and start liking what I have to do..

So I shall give myself a couple of days to feel depressed and sorry for myself.. then I would need to suck it up and get my Plan B in motion.. I don't want to feel down anymore... In order to regain my zest for life, I need to do something about it even if the entire process is something I dread and hate..

Thus in the mean time, do forgive and permit me for feeling down and useless these coming few days..