越来越不懂

作曲/填词/演唱:蔡健雅

在 我22岁时
回想起当时多么想谈恋爱
妈妈说就让它来
然而在 我32岁时
发现我没太多的心去等待
它失去某种色彩

得不到的就更加爱
太容易来的就不理睬
其实谁不想遇见真爱
爱得绝对 爱得坦白
以为遇上了就会明白
但每次它只留下惊鸿一瞥的感慨
Yo 我越来越不懂爱

才 32岁的我
虽然一个人过 也过得够精彩
偶尔再想谈恋爱
然而爱 总是乱了节拍
我只能够瞎猜 也许能中了头彩
中了又觉得奇怪
得不到的就更加爱
太容易来的就不理睬
其实谁不想遇见真爱
爱得绝对 爱得坦白
以为遇上了就会明白
但每次它只留下惊鸿一瞥的感慨
Oh... 越来越不懂爱

得不到的无所谓
就算是自我安慰
没必要伤悲
得不到的就更加爱
太容易来的就不理睬
其实谁不想遇见真爱
爱得绝对 爱得坦白
以为遇上了就会明白
但每次它只留下惊鸿一瞥的感慨
Oh... 越来越不懂爱
以为遇上了就会明白
但每次它只留下惊鸿一瞥的感慨
Oh... 越来越不懂爱

什么都不懂

=================================================
的确到了现在，我还是什么都不懂。。也许不用真的去弄懂吧。。有些事情就让它随风而去吧。。

CNY Prep Part I

The thing about being at home with no job is that one tends to get restless.. since one can only go (and stay) online that many hours a day.. I need to find something “physical” to do.. Thus with Chinese New Year (CNY) is about 2 weeks away, I took up several tasks around the house that need to be done..

From the look of this photo, the exterior is seriously in need of a coat of paint.. So it became the first item on my list..

So armed with a roller-brush, a brush and a bucket of paint, I started painting..

This was the first side of the wall that I "attacked" on my first day..

This was after almost 4.5 hours of painting.. starting from 10:30am.. I can't continue because in this town of mine, it usually rains in the early evening around 5pm.. since the paint needs about 2 hours to dry, I stopped at 3pm..

After the second day of painting (also spent around 4.5 hours), the entire wall was nicely painted, including touching up the bottom gaps with the brush as I couldn't reach with the roller-brush..

I finished using a 5ltr bucket of paint on that side of the wall.. My dad bought another 20ltr bucket for the rest of the walls.. as for the color, well, the color was decided by my dad as the previous coat of paint was pinkish, so it would be easier for me to paint over it with the same shade instead of putting up a new color.. also the housing area that I am staying is known to the older folks as "red house area" (红瘄）.. :) so we just stick back to pink..

The next side of the wall to be tackled is the front of the house.. with 2 days of experience, I had more or less got the hang of the painting techniques.. blisters are forming on both my hands, but after a while I just got pass the pain.. with fast songs playing on my laptop and the volume turned to the maximum, I forged on..
Left side of the front (main) door.

After painting..

Right side of the front (main) door.

After painting..

So after 3 days and a total of 16 hours of painting, the house now looks like this.. just 2 sides painted..

Another 2 more walls to paint.. plan to spend 1 day on each sides of the wall.. hopefully, I can finish another side of the wall the next day, while saving the back of the house to be painted last.. But I foresee some speed bumps ahead as my body, especially my arms and shoulders are already signaling their protest.. they are weak and aching now.. gonna work through the pain and just maybe gain a pair of nicely toned arms as a bonus.. :p

傷心小鎮

作曲/填詞/演唱：黃舒駿

他說這裡　是個傷心小鎮
因為每個人都　因為每個人都對他
如此友善　包括他的敵人

他說這裡　是個傷心小鎮
因為每個人都　因為每個人都把他家
當作旅社　包括他的親人

他說這裡　是個傷心小鎮
因為每個人都　因為每個人都像自己
喜新厭舊　包括他的愛人

喔.......

他說這裡　是個傷心小鎮
因為每個人都忘了傷心是什麼
包括他本人
============================================
另一首我喜欢但不是很多人听过的歌。
对，我仍旧是钟情于它的词。。

雁渡寒潭

作词/填曲/演唱:黄舒骏

雁渡寒潭 雁去潭不留影
驚鴻一瞥 潮來潮去
洗去多少足蹟 一切都是緣
多少人曾經輕輕掠過我的眼簾
多少人曾經闖入我的內心世界
多少人曾經用思念將我撕裂
多少智慧才能忍下我的離別淚

雁渡寒潭 雁去潭不留影
靜看人間 是與非
我們祖先 在這土地繁衍 歲歲年年
多少人默默揮下他們的汗水熱血
多少人只是販賣台面上的謊言
多少人隨時準備遠走高飛
多少智慧才能破解這虛偽的一切

woo......woo......

多少意氣風髮的少年 失落在理想現實之間
口口聲聲要做英雄聖賢 最後卻變成魔鬼
多少人生活在這個世界 卻嚮往另一個世界
多少智慧才能逃離這古老的預言

雁渡寒潭 雁去潭不留影 驚鴻一瞥
雁渡寒潭 雁去潭不留影 驚鴻一瞥


================================================
这是一首已有21年历史的歌了。。但我还是喜欢它。。
特别是它的歌词，太有共鸣了。。

Chili picking

In my previous entry on my home in Taiping, I have written briefly about the garden which my parents tended to.

An afternoon a couple days ago, I was "tasked" to pick chili from the garden while my dad watered the other plants.

There are many chili plants all over the garden. And because of the frequent rain, the plants were "overgrown" with these big fat chilies. So "armed" with a pair of small scissors and a tray, I went around the garden picking chilies.. :)

In less than 30 min, I'd picked almost 2kg worth of chilies.. which my parents passed them to my auntie to sell.. I know that we're not going to get much from these organic chilies but hey, it sure is better than to let them rot.. :) :)

Believe

Songwriters: Brian Higgins, Steve Torch, Paul Barry, Timothy Powell
Artist: Cher

After love, after love [repeat]

No matter how hard I try
You keep pushing me aside
And I can't break through
There's no talking to you
So sad that you're leaving
Takes time to believe it
But after all is said and done
You're going to be the lonely one, Ohh Oh

[CHORUS:]
Do you believe in life after love
I can feel something inside me say
I really don't think you're strong enough,
Now
Do you believe in life after love
I can feel something inside me say
I really don't think you're strong enough,
Now

What am I supposed to do
Sit around and wait for you
And I can't do that
There's no turning back
I need time to move on
I need love to feel strong
'Cause I've had time to think it through
And maybe I'm too good for you Ohh Oh

[CHORUS]

But I know that I'll get through this
'Cause I know that I am strong
I don't need you anymore
Oh I don't need you anymore I don't need you anymore
No I don't need you anymore

[CHORUS repeat to fade]

《光阴的故事》观后感 (II)

一部成功的電視劇不但能夠讓觀眾在享受劇情的起伏及參與各角色的喜怒哀樂，同時也讓觀眾對在劇中人物的口頭禪或是處事原則引起共鳴。就好像幾個月前看的港劇《巾幗梟雄》裡，柴九這個角色的經典口頭禪：“人生有幾多個十年？做人最緊要痛快！”那樣引人深省，也提醒了我要在生活中勇敢一點。所以在《光》這一劇裡也有不少可以被人引用的“名句”。

“祝福也是一種愛”
對我而言這一句話完完全全地帶出了孫一美的人生哲學。一句看似很阿Q的說法，其實隱藏著莫大的智慧。與“愛不一定要擁有”不分上下，對我而言。

在劇裡，這一句“祝福也是一種愛”改變了4個主角的命運。

第一個受益人就是孫一美她自己。因為她了解了這道理，所以才能忍受自己的心碎去幫她的死黨和她暗戀了十年的男生談戀愛。這麼做不只讓自己沒有失去兩個童年好友，也讓她碰到了好姻緣。同樣的一句話也讓什麼都必須擁有才真實的許毅源對汪茜茜的執著釋懷並重新評估這位“雞婆”的孫一美。這不僅讓他認清了自己所要的幸福，也激起了他想要追求幸福的斗志。看到他們兩人結婚后的幸福，肯定羨慕死很多人。。

在最后的幾集裡，孫一美分別地把這句名言送給了復邦和妮妮。她讓妮妮終於明白糾纏著復邦並一味地想奪走茜茜在復邦心中的位置是多麼愚蠢的。把手鬆開，給他自由也給自己一條出路，兩個人最終和平離婚。

明知對方不愛自己，就應該放手成全他/她。不是對方想要的，愛得再深付出得再多，也是無謂。盡早退回到朋友的階段或是讓感情升華成親情，對彼此何嘗不是一種祝福？也許只有像孫一美這樣處處為他人著想的人才會想到這個道理吧。我坦言自己還在平撫著放手的痛及學習著祝福。。

“不要再跟自己打仗了”

這一句也是出自孫一美。是她對茜茜說的。因為倔強和不肯示弱的個性讓茜茜選擇了崎嶇的人生道路，也讓她放棄了復邦。套一句馮媽的話：“命運要順著它流，這樣才會有上岸的力氣”。

回首這幾年一路走來，發現自己也因為自己那股倔強和不願示弱的個性吃了很多不應該吃的虧。為別人的事而強出頭，為了自己的“大原則”而出言頂撞上司長輩或是為了堅持己見而咄咄逼人，這些都是年少的我會做的事情。這些魯莽的舉動到頭來使我被當成‘火爆娘子’、‘年少輕狂’、‘冷酷無情’。結果我經常被誤解被定型，被設定在一個框框裡，間接地連我自己也逐漸相信自己就是他們眼中的那個人。當時的我傷痕累累。

可我不后悔，因為就是當初的這些挫折才會“造就”今天的我。我已經收斂了那股“莽撞/衝勁”，也不再（那麼）執著。。雖然偶爾還是難免會鑽牛角尖，但是大部分我都會選擇放手走開。也許我已經找到了心中的那一把尺，知道自己的立場和需要，所以其他都已經變得無所謂了。當然我還有很多事情還沒經歷未嘗試，我不會把自己封閉起來。如果有機緣巧合給我碰上的話，我會義無反顧地勇於挑戰嘗試。

我悻然接受了眼前的事實。我決定不再跟自己打仗了。

沒那麼簡單

作詞：姚若龍 作曲：蕭煌奇
演唱 : 黃小琥

沒那麼簡單 就能找到 聊得來的伴
尤其是在 看過了那麼多的背叛
總是不安 只好強悍
誰謀殺了我的浪漫

沒那麼簡單 就能去愛 別的全不看
變得實際 也許好也許壞各一半
不愛孤單 一久也習慣
不用擔心誰 也不用被誰管

感覺快樂就忙東忙西
感覺累了就放空自己
別人說的話 隨便聽一聽 自己作決定
不想擁有太多情緒
一杯紅酒配電影
在周末晚上 關上了手機 舒服窩在沙發裡

相愛沒有那麼容易 每個人有他的脾氣
過了愛作夢的年紀 轟轟烈烈不如平靜
幸福沒有那麼容易 才會特別讓人著迷
什麼都不懂的年紀
曾經最掏心 所以最開心 曾經

想念最傷心 但卻最動心 的記憶

你上一次痛哭是何时?

这是一篇四年前写的心情。当时的我，心如止水，与世无争。。

如今的我在这段期间里经历了很多人事物，也搞清楚了自己要什么，并弄明白了一些事。虽已不再像以前那么“宅”，那么“冷漠”，或是那么“心如止水”，但我的本性还是难移，基本的想法还是没变。。

如果你现在问我：“上一次痛哭是何时？”
我会说：“去年吧。在2009我已经把接下来3到5年的泪水统统流完了。。”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
昨天，在回家的巴士途中，突然一个念头闪过：When was the last time I cried?

每天准时上班下班，回家上网玩game，看书看动画；周末打扫、洗衣、看书报、休息、跑步；偶尔约朋友或旧同事吃饭看电影，了解一下彼此的生活进展；每个月与翻译自修小组会面一次；不定时地作些英巫翻译project等。我喜欢窝在家里，做我喜欢的事情，他人无法干涉，也无权干涉。平平淡淡的，这就是我现在的生活。

从来都不喜欢人多的地方，不喜欢和人应酬，也不喜欢逛街。认为话不投机半句多，更不喜欢委屈自己讨好他人。我自认是个好朋友，但我不好朋友。我宁愿只有两三个知己也不想要一大堆的泛泛之交。我想我是个孤僻的人。

我的生活，平实。唯一会使我掉眼泪的就属电影、电视和动画了。但最近的那些电影只能让我感动，最多只能赚我几滴眼泪而已，还未到达让我感同深受的地步。也许我的心已经麻木了，也许我已经变得现实事故了，那些小说里的完美情节曾让我心动过，响往过，但我知道那些只会发生在小说里、电影里。我对世间的一切已不再存有任何遐想。如果真的遇见了，我不会逃避，但我不会刻意去寻找。

没有狂悲，也不会有狂喜。也许有人认为这样的生活还算是生活吗？对我来说，这是我生命旅程里的另一个阶段。曾经我也满怀希望，早拼晚拼地完全投入工作，想为自己闯出一番事业；同时也希望能遇见一个可以共同分享一切的人；但在我29岁那年，当头棒喝，我被迫重新反思我自己的一切想法及人生观。突然，我发现我并不适合当经理，我太直肠子了，也发现我不适合在IT继续发展，因为我已经完全失去对IT的热忱。曾经我对他人如何看待我，对我的评语好坏，是否重视我而耿耿于怀；现在我已开始学习对这一切处之泰然了。我觉得前30年的我似乎为他人（的理想/认同）而活，接下来的这30年我要为自己而活！

所以如果你问我：上一次痛哭是什么时候?
我会告诉你: 忘记了，也许是30岁以前吧。。。

Sweet Dreams

Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)
Artist: Eurythmics

Sweet dreams are made of this
Who am I to disagree?
I travel the world
And the seven seas
Everybody's looking for something.

Some of them want to use you
Some of them want to get used by you
Some of them want to abuse you
Some of them want to be abused.

Sweet dreams are made of this
Who am I to disagree?
I travel the world
And the seven seas
Everybody's looking for something.

Hold your head up - Keep your head up - Movin' on
Hold your head up - Movin' on - Keep your head up - Movin' on
Hold your head up - Movin' on - Keep your head up - Movin' on
Hold your head up - Movin' on - Keep your head up.

Some of them want to use you
Some of them want to get used by you
Some of them want to abuse you
Some of them want to be abused.

Hold your head up - Keep your head up - Movin' on
Hold your head up - Movin' on - Keep your head up - Movin' on
Hold your head up - Movin' on - Keep your head up - Movin' on
Hold your head up - Movin' on - Keep your head up.

Sweet dreams are made of this... (4x and fade)

"Crank" call

Got a call from the phone company.. it was to remind us to pay for our land-line bill that is going to be due 5 days LATER... A lady was "kind enough" to remind us to pay before the dateline so as not to have our line terminated on that VERY (due) date itself!! Wow, I didn't realize that the company has become THAT efficient..

To me, this is NOT good customer service, but yet another case of wastefulness that is so prevalent in this country. These companies have no clue whatsoever on what constitute good customer relationships. You don't piss your subscribers off by treating everyone of them as a potential debtor. And you definitely do NOT threaten your customers with service termination! Unless of course, you are a monopoly that is backed by the government..

Good customer services is one where complaints are attended to immediately and down-times are reduced to near-zero. If the services are good, consumers are more than willing to pay the bills promptly. Unfortunately, this company does not get it. It is a company where we even had to pay MYR$1 for every call we make to their service hotlines to tell them about THEIR service outages! We will be charged even if the call doesn't get through!! And don't even get me started on their service "reliability", which is a big joke! My internet connection drops EVERY TIME a storm approaches or when it rains! how's that for "service quality"!?!?

The point is that we have been paying our bills promptly.. and even if we did miss a payment or two (which we didn't), we should be given a grace period (of a month or so) to pay up.. The usual "three strikes and you are out"-rule should apply. Usually, customers are asked if they require any reminder service(s) and then sign-up for them. Service providers could either provide these reminder service(s) for free as a value-added service or charge a token amount just to cover their cost (if any were incurred).

Instead of having a big group of "reminder-callers" calling every single one of the subscribers, send an email and/or an sms instead. Then have a smaller group of "reminder-callers" call those who had not paid AFTER the due date. Use the money saved to train these "reminder-callers" the PROPER and RIGHT way of doing phone call services. The tone and language used should be neutral and not accusive.

Too bad there is (still) no worthy competitors in my area who could provide alternatives to the incumbent.. Looks like there is no way but to endure such "forced-down-your-throat"-type of customer service.. :x

This is yet another one of the many ludicrous idiosyncrasies of MY.

Beautiful Day

Songwriters: Paul Hewson, Dave Evans, Adam Clayton, Larry Mullen Jr;
Artist: U2

The heart is a bloom
Shoots up through the stony ground
There's no room
No space to rent in this town

You're out of luck
And the reason that you had to care
The traffic is stuck
And you're not moving anywhere

You thought you'd found a friend
To take you out of this place
Someone you could lend a hand
In return for grace

It's a beautiful day
Sky falls, you feel like
It's a beautiful day
Don't let it get away

You're on the road
But you've got no destination
You're in the mud
In the maze of her imagination

You love this town
Even if that doesn't ring true
You've been all over
And it's been all over you

It's a beautiful day
Don't let it get away
It's a beautiful day

Touch me
Take me to that other place
Teach me
I know I'm not a hopeless case

See the world in green and blue
See China right in front of you
See the canyons broken by cloud
See the tuna fleets clearing the sea out
See the Bedouin fires at night
See the oil fields at first light
And see the bird with a leaf in her mouth
After the flood all the colors came out

It was a beautiful day
Don't let it get away
Beautiful day

Touch me
Take me to that other place
Reach me
I know I'm not a hopeless case

What you don't have you don't need it now
What you don't know you can feel it somehow
What you don't have you don't need it now
Don't need it now
Was a beautiful day

Yesterday

Yesterday, a year ago, something that I didn't know would affect me so deeply happened.. it sparked many emotional highs and lows.. and led to plenty of internal ups and downs.. I was captivated, elated, intoxicated, overjoyed, contented.. then I was distressed, agonized, depressed, tormented, dejected... Yet, I am willing to go through all these again even if I were to have known what await me.. No regrets what-so-ever..

Yeah, it sure was a crazy roller-coastery year.. I will heed what Dr Seuss said, "Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." and try not to fix things, but to move on with life..

Thanks for the memories..

Happy

Happy
Songwriters: Evan Bogart, Leona Lewis, Ryan Tedder.
Singer: Leona Lewis

Someone once told me that you have to choose
What you win or lose, you can't have everything
Don't you take chances, you might feel the pain
Don't you love in vain 'cause love won't set you free
I could stand by the side and watch this life pass me by
So unhappy, but safe as could be

So what if it hurts me?
So what if I break down?
So what if this world just throw me off the edge
My feet run out of ground?

I gotta find my place, I wanna hear my sound
Don't care about all the pain in front of me
'Cause I'm just trying to be happy, ya
Just wanna be happy, ya

Holding on tightly, just can't let it go
Just trying to play my role, slowly disappear, oh
But all these days, they feel like they're the same
Just different faces, different names, get me out of here
But I can't stand by your side, oh no
And watch this life pass me by, pass me by

So what if it hurts me?
So what if I break down?
So what if this world just throw me off the edge
My feet run out of ground?

I gotta find my place, I wanna hear my sound
Don't care about all the pain in front of me
'Cause I'm just trying to be happy, oh, happy, oh

So any turns that I can't see
Like I'm a stranger on this road
But don't say victim, don't say anything

So what if it hurts me?
So what if I break down?
So what if this world just throw me off the edge
My feet run out of ground?

I gotta find my place, I wanna hear my sound
Don't care about all the pain in front of me
I'm just wanna be happy, oh, yeah, happy, oh, happy
I just wanna be, oh, I just wanna be happy
Oh, happy

Logic says that..

Assumptions:
RN = Runny Nose,
AL = Allergic,
CNS= Cannot Stay,
X is a country.

Okay, let's do some logical deductions:
A. Simple
Given
(i) (RN in X) = (AL to X), [Runny nose in X means Allergic to X]
(ii) (AL to X) = (CNS in X) [Allergic to X means Cannot Stay in X]
thus (RN in X) = (CNS in X)

Therefore
if (RN in MY) = 1, then it means that "Cannot Stay in MY".
if (RN in MY) = 0, then it means that "NOT Cannot Stay in MY".


B. Propositional
Given
(RN in X) -> (AL to X) [if Runny nose in X is true, then Allergic to X]
(AL to X) -> (CNS in X) [if Allergic to X is true, then Cannot Stay in X]
thus (RN in X) -> (CNS in X)

Therefore,
if (RN in MY) is true, then it implies "Cannot Stay in MY"
if (RN in MY) is false, then it implies "NOT Cannot Stay in MY"


So in order to stay in MY, my nose has to stop running.. @:@

Raindrops keep falling..

Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head
[Originally by Burt Bacharach]

Raindrops keep fallin' on my head
And just like the guy whose feet are too big for his bed
Nothin' seems to fit
Those raindrops are fallin' on my head, they keep fallin'

So I just did me some talkin' to the sun
And I said I didn't like the way he got things done
Sleepin' on the job
Those raindrops are fallin' on my head, they keep fallin'

But there's one thing I know
The blues they send to meet me won't defeat me
It won't be long till happiness steps up to greet me

Raindrops keep fallin' on my head
But that doesn't mean my eyes will soon be turnin' red
Cryin's not for me
'Cause I'm never gonna stop the rain by complainin'
Because I'm free
Nothin's worryin' me

[trumpet]

It won't be long till happiness steps up to greet me

Raindrops keep fallin' on my head
But that doesn't mean my eyes will soon be turnin' red
Cryin's not for me
'Cause I'm never gonna stop the rain by complainin'
Because I'm free
Nothin's worryin' me

Finally home..

After living off my luggage for the past 6 weeks, I am finally back at my parent's place.. :)

Here, I would like to offer my sincerest gratitude to my friend, Voone and my cousin, Wei (in Australia), and my uncle and auntie in KL for their generosity and grace to take me into their homes without asking anything in return.. Once I settled down in a city/country (eventually), my house will be forever open..

Been through lots these last 44 days, and I really do believe that I have changed.. Not too sure about being "a better person" or if there is any "improvement", but I am definitely "different"... :p

Hoping to post some good news.. Am working hard on it now.. :)

Rest in Peace

I had wanted to start off the new year with a cheerful entry, but in the end I had to post this piece of bad news..

The Founder and Grandmaster of my karate school (Seidokai 成道会), Mr Norikawa (成川哲夫) has passed away peacefully on 01 January at 8:03am at the age of 65.

I had the privilege to be taught by him during my 2.5yr stay in Japan. The late grandmaster was a jovial and approachable man, defying the stereotypical stern and cold images one would have of a "grandmaster". He loved his art and was eager to share his love of Genseiryu style karate with anyone who is interested. He would explained and demonstrate to us the rationale of some of the karate moves to help us remember and understand them better. His presence made the karate practice sessions more fun and enjoyable.

One entry in my bucket list was to get a black belt for karate. I had learned to appreciate karate as an art rather than just a self-defense technique. And I must admit that Grandmaster Norikawa was one of the main catalyst for it.

His sudden demise has greatly sadden all who knew him and he will be most missed by his students.

Rest in peace, Grandmaster Norikawa.