Reality

Just chatted with an ex-colleague over msn earlier today.. We were catching up on what has happened since we last met in Singapore and also sharing some news about our other ex-colleagues..

Both of us are of the same age, but he is married.. so are most of our ex-colleagues.. although some didn't stay married for long.. within the 3 years since I left Singapore, 2 couples that we know have divorced or separated.. but (fortunately?) twice the number of couples welcomed their first, second or even third child during the same time span.. talk about productivity! :)

At my age, most if not the majority of my peers are married.. so nowadays I rarely do receive any wedding invitations.. but even if I did, I won't attend as I hate the entire concept of needing to "dress up" to attend such wedding receptions/dinners..:P Nowadays, most of my friends are busy taking care of their kid(s), handling those terrible twos, potty-training, trying to inculcate good eating/reading habits, choosing which nursery school to go to, deciding on which "talent classes" to attend and many more other concerns.

Nowadays, having a kid no longer guarantees the longevity of a marriage.. One of the couples had a 2-year old boy, who definitely will be affected by their separation, no doubt.. Sadly, it has become very common to hear about divorce or separation.. Irreconcilable differences and extra-marital affairs are just two of the most common reasons for marriage breaking down.. it could happened to the neighbor's brother, a friend's sister, a colleague's classmate, boss's boss or just somebody's somebody.. Year by year, people are getting married later in life yet divorce rate is going up at the same time!

I empathize, but I don't sympathize with them. They made the choice to get married and/or start a family, so they just have to deal with whatever that comes with it, good or bad...

Personally I think the society has to share a huge part of the blame.. It pressures singles to get hitched, couples to get married and have kids.. "Concerned" relatives would poke their nose into our affairs acting all "concern-ty"... It started off as "Oh, when are you going to get yourself a bf/gf?", then it becomes "Ah, when are you going to get married to your bf/gf?", which will eventually turn into "So, when are you going to give your parents their first/second/third/fourth grandchild?".. They might meant well, but seriously they should just mind their own bloody business.. They will not be the ones having to endure or take all the shitty stuff in a marriage or in raising a child, although they will be the first to claim any credit if the marriage lasted blissfully and/or the child turned out to be an angel..

Being a divorcee is slowly losing its stigma.. So what if they had made a bad decision somewhere earlier in their lives, no big deal.. Life goes on and they moved on.. Everyone is searching for happiness and I really believed that everyone is entitled to find it.. Yet whether being married is part of being happy is up for debate, in my opinion. Many wrote about the search for happiness in relationships, gave advice about it but how many actually finds it and is able to hold on to it? Which is why it is important to know how to be alone, because you are all you have until you find your "better-half"..

I, for one, do not think that I am qualified to judge.. firstly, I don't want to be judged, so I will try my hardest not to judge (Do Unto Others As You Would Have Them Do To You is one of my golden rules). Only God/Buddha/Allah/Whoever-Up-There is, in my opinion, qualified to judge. Secondly, we are all only humans and humans make mistakes. Thirdly, we reap what we sow, so everyone will pay (or has paid) a price for their actions. We should all give ourselves a chance to start anew.

Marriage ain't for everyone, and some are meant to be alone..