Mortality..

Nothing beats succumbing to an illness without warning to remind yourself of your own mortality..

I was bedridden for more than 2 days.. I couldn't get out of bed because every time I lift my head up even for an inch, the world spins dizzily around.. the bedroom ceiling, the walls, the cupboards started to turn round and round and round and round.. I had to close my eyes and concentrate on not vomiting as the sense of vertigo and nausea was overwhelming.. It was worst than the most awesome roller coaster ride I ever had.. And of course, sitting up straight was totally out of the question!!

The first thing that came to my mind when this happened was, "Do I have a tumor inside my head now?" Yeah, I know that you must have thought that I had watched way too many dramas/movies to come to that conclusion but hey, when you are scared stiff by the sudden onset of this "head-spinning", you would assume the worst case scenario, won't you?? Add to the fact that I had 2 paternal uncles who died from cancer while in their late thirties/early forties and a cousin, who is just ONE year older than me, who died from another form of cancer just last year, you can forgive me for being spooked..

My worry was that the benign-little-lump that I checked a year ago has somehow infected/affected my inner ear, causing this vertigo.. That lump has "grown" since into three small lumps which isn't visible but I can feel them..  Best case scenario, those are harmless growths.. Worst case scenario is that it had turned malignant.. thus taking my sister's advice, I plan to have it remove early next year (she wants it out NOW, if she has it her way), because the longer it stays in my body , the higher the chances it will go "rogue"..

Anyway, back to my head-spinning illness.. Was in bed almost 24 hours the first day.. My sister couldn't think of anything that was wrong with me, except lack of proper sleep and sufficient eye rests.. my temperature and blood pressure were all normal.. So I went to see the doctor the 2nd day when the vertigo didn't seem to even lessen a bit. He did the same tests, asked the same questions that my sister asked and came to the same conclusion.. I just needed more rest! This sudden vertigo (due to my inner ear being affected/infected) was triggered by my runny nose, lack of sleep, hormonal change (just finished my menses) and overexertion of my eyes.. He gave me some medicine for the vertigo and the nausea, and told me to rest..

And here I am.. on the 5th day.. feeling better though my head is still heavy.. took myself off the medication on the 4th day.. head still spins when I turn it suddenly and when I lay down on my bed, but nothing I can't handle.. slept more than 90% of the past few days.. yet, I still feel sleepy and my body feels weak.. I need to rest my eyes after every 2 hours, else I will get headache, which means I can't read any books/magazines or watch any dramas/movies for long.. Up till today, I only monitored what I eat, but I forget to give my body sufficient time to rest, detox and rejuvenate.. Need to take better care of my body.. gonna sleep early.. no more late night readings.. no more drama/movie marathons through the nights..

Hopefully, my body will forgive me for the abuse that I had subjected it the past 1 year and we'll be great pals again.. I can never do it alone.. unless they find a way to "download" my consciousness from my body and put it online, like Major Kusanagi in Ghost in the Shell.. :)