Not going to..

As Monbusho scholars, we need to fill in a form to indicate if we wanna continue to do our PhD after we graduate... After giving it much thought, I have decided to not pursue my PhD after my Masters. It wasn't an easy decision, but I think I made the right one.

Well, for those who know me, it should have been a no-brainer.. but to be honest, I could think of many advantages if I were to stay on to do my PhD and then moving into the academia.. for one thing, I would have all the time in the world to do whatever I want for another 3 more years.. ;) ;) ;) add to the fact that the academia is least affected by any global downturn or economic crisis.. and I do like to teach (or maybe preach, some of you might say.. :p) people (adults, not children)...

I would have chosen to pursue my PhD if the current circumstances are not what they are right now.. if this was the US and not Japan... if I were a couple of years younger then I won't mind spending 3 more years on this... if my supervisor was... if this was a better known university (among other countries, I mean)... if the graduate school had produced more prestigious, renown or just simply better (quality-wise) alumni... if I could see what my future career path will be in the academia..

There are many ifs but THE deciding factor, or you could say the deal breaker, was my supervisor.. I've seen so many of my PhD Senpai (seniors) struggled without guidance in their research/thesis and frankly that didn't give me much hope/possibility that I would be able to graduate in 3 years with a PhD.. I dare to say that if it was any other professors in my graduate school, I would most probably choose to stay on.. but since I have made my bed, I have to lie upon it... the only possible solution is to graduate A.S.A.P...

Also I don't feel secure nor do I feel that I am accomplishing something by taking PhD now.. Till now I don't feel that my feet are firmly on the ground.. I need the security of a job and being a PhD student is NOT a job in my opinion.. There is a sense of unrealism since I am, in my mind, not being "productive" nor "contributing" to the REAL world.. Maybe it is just me being pragmatic and realistic.. I just can't discuss theories for a perfect situation or concoct some nice idealized pictures in my heads.. I need to DO SOMETHING in the REAL world.. and the academia, in my mind, is NOT the real world.. at least it doesn't feel real to me..

Sincerely, I am very grateful for the Japanese government for awarding me this scholarship, but I think I should not be selfish and "hoard" this generosity. I should not deny those who are really talented and truly dedicated in their research/fields the opportunity to pursue a doctorate.. I shall go back to the REAL world and grow (professionally and academically) from there.. :)

Nonetheless I will definitely do my PhD, but not now.. that shall be one of the things to keep me occupied when I retire.. :)