Ocean Deep

This is a song by Cliff Richard, but I heard it first by a Taiwanese 2-guy group called 优客李林 which disbanded in the early 2000s.. I prefer their rendition as compared to Sir Richard's version.. Too bad that I can't find any video clip that would do justice to the voice of the lead singer.. So I put up one that is sung by the original artist.. Enjoy!!

-----------------------------------------------------
Love , can't you see I'm alone
Can't you give this fool a chance
A little love is all I ask
A little kindness in the night
Please don't leave me behind
No , don't tell me love is blind
A little love is all I ask
And that is all
Ooh love , I've been searchin' so long
I've been searchin' high and low
And little love is all I ask
A little sadness when you go
Maybe you'll need a friend
Only please don't let's pretend
A little love is all I ask
And that is all
** I wanna spread my wings
But I just can't fly
As a string of pearls
The pretty girls go sailin' by
## Ocean deep
I'm so afraid to show my feelings
I have sailed a million ceilings
Solitary room

Ocean deep
Will I ever find a lover
Maybe she has found another
And as I cry myself to sleep
I know this love of mine I'll keep
Ocean deep
Now , can't you hear when I call
Can't you hear the word I say
A little love is all I ask
A little feelin' when we touch
Why am I still alone
I've got a heart without a home
A little love is all I ask
And that is all

Repeat **
Repeat ##
I'm so lonely , lonely , lonely
(Ocean deep)
On my own in my room
I'm so lonely
(Ocean deep)
I'm so lonely , I'm so lonely ...

One year ago

A year ago, I tried to return to my old life..
A year later,  I realized that I didn't want my old life back as I have changed.. for the better? I don't know, only time will tell.. I am gonna start anew and start afresh..  A terrifying thought, but one that I have since embraced and accepted.. I know that it will not be easy to rebuild a new life in a new place, but I have survived thus far and I strongly believe that I will continue to survive and thrive in whichever city that I am gonna sink my roots in next.. ;)

A year ago, I wanted to get out of this birth country of mine..
A year later, I have yet to succeed even though my urge to flee is just as strong.. nothing is gonna stop me from keep on trying.. I still love my country, but not its government.. and based on the current situation and development, I really do not see any hope for things to get better in the next 5, 10 or even 20 years.. Of course, I am more than happy to be proven wrong but then the signs are not good.. :s

A year ago, I was both restless and aimless..
A year later, I am less restless, but still none the wiser about where I wanna go.. I know what I didn't want but not too sure about what I really want.. and after a few false starts, I have narrowed down my choices.. I have learned to channel my energy to improve on things that I can control and not fuss over things that I can't.. I have learned to not define myself with what I do or what I have (or not do/have).. I learned a bit more about myself.. I will definitely wanna do more with my life but I will not want to lose sight of what is important to me.. :)

A year ago, I was hurting as I gave my heart to someone who didn't want it..
A year later, scab has formed, though it still feels kinda raw at times.. It took me most of the year to finally put it behind me.. I stopped myself from caring and feeling too much.. I have learned to not make someone a priority in my life when I am not even an option in theirs..  My best friends felt that I was led on and taken advantage of but I blame no one and I have no regrets.. we did have great fun together.. it was just the wrong person at the right time.. Still and all, I won't seal off my heart but nor will I be too foolhardy, as I have not lost hope that someday LOVE will come knocking.. :)

A year ago, I was worried about what others might think of me if I didn't get a job immediately..
A year later, I couldn't be bothered.. Life is too short to be concerned with what people thinks.. I am living my life as rewarding as possible.. I might not be earning $$ but I am definitely not wasting my time either.. I am arming myself, with insights and knowledge, so that I will be ready for the next opportunity that will surely come my way... Even if I am seen as a failure by the society's standard, I couldn't care less, as long as I know I am not letting myself down nor selling myself short.. Because according to my own standards, I know I am gonna be somebody someday..  ;)

A year ago, I was apprehensive about staying with my parents after so long..
A year later, I am savoring the time I have with my family.. especially my sister whom I had missed her growing up years as I was already in Singapore for study and later, work.. just doing things and spending time together is gratifying.. being my sister's keeper is a very satisfying job.. :) And I love learning (more) stuff from my dad.. he is the one who taught me all the home improvement tasks and traditional snacks.. and I am "enjoying" my mum's nagging after almost 15years' absence from home.. :)

A year ago, I was suffering from running nose every other week.
A year later, my nose barely runs and my weight stop moving upwards.. I realized that when I can't find any pathological reasons, it is my psyche that is causing havoc to my health.. Once I have made peace with myself - more specifically my mind, my body stop rebelling too. Even though my sleeping hours are irregular (sleeping around 2am, waking up at 5.30am, sleep again at 7am and waking up around 12pm), I do have enough sleep and sufficient exercise (though not as much as I would like to).. also I watch and control what I eat.. so I might not be as "lean" as I were in Japan, I am not fat either.. :p

A year ago, I was losing sleep about things that could have been..
A year later, I am grateful for the things that are.. No one but I made all the decisions that led me to what and where I am today.. No point regretting or second-guessing my past choices.. I am what I did so far.. I will not have it any other way.. Instead of lamenting all the missed opportunities, I am counting my blessings of the things I am fortunate to have experienced.. those places that I have visited, people that I have encountered, difficulties that I have surmounted and friends that I have made... I am contented with what I have so far, and is gonna make sure I will continue to be in the future.. :)

Ahh.. I can't believe how the last 365 days had made such a huge difference in my frame of mind.. I have been through plenty of lows.. Every single day, I am learning to accept things as they are and constantly re-evaluating some of the values that I have held dear for the last 20 odds years.. Each and every day, I am still fighting to stay cheerful and optimistic in the face of rejections and disappointments.. because once in a while these self-doubts, self-loathings and self-recriminations will sneak up on me when I least expected and demolish all the self-confidence, self-control and self-love that I have build in the mean time.. thus everyday is a struggle and (hopefully) a triumph for me..

Ironically, I have came back to the "planning and design" phase of my life after "controlling and monitoring" it for the past 15 years or so.. I hope to move into the "execution" phase fully within the next 6 months, thus I am still a "work in progress".. :p I know I am "way behind schedule"to be trying to "analyze and define myself" this late in life, but hey, better late than never right? I don't wanna to wake up one day and feel like I have wasted my life away by conforming to what the society dictates instead of following my heart.. I am not gonna waste anymore of my time making everyone but myself (and those I care about) happy!!

I have no regrets thus far and I don't intend to start collecting any either.. :) I am not going to do things that people/society think I should, nor will I wanna be wasting my time on things that I no longer have passion for.... I am no saint nor am I turning religious/atheist... I just (gonna and wanna) believe that I am of importance, to myself at the very least if not to anyone.. I am not going to judge anyone living their lives in ways they deem fit, cos we are our own responsibilities.. Only we know truthfully how (un)happy we really are deep down inside..

Looking forward to my "2nd anniversary" next year..  how/where will I be then... Mmmmm.... :)

Ang ku kuih (紅龜馃)

My dad makes great tasting traditional snacks.. he used to help my grandmother make snacks for sale while he was in primary school.. while my other uncles were tasked to do the selling by walking around the neighborhood.. one of the really tasty traditional snacks that my dad knows how to make is ang ku kueh (紅龜馃), which translated word by word means "red tortoise cake" in Hokkien dialect..

I would never buy any ang ku kueh from the shops as I have yet to find any that comes close to the tastiness of those that my dad made.. Once you tasted the best, you won't want to compromise.. :p What is usually being sold nowadays uses either sweet potato paste, red bean paste or shredded coconut for its fillings, instead of the traditional green bean paste.. and the skin is usually horribly thick and hard..

Two week ago, my dad decided to make some ang ku kueh.. and I am more than happy to learn from him as these are some of the traditions that we must not allow to disappear.. and it is never a bad thing to learn another good tasting snacks, especially if it is my grandmother's recipe!! ;)

Main ingredients needed:
- Dehulled Mung beans (or known as green beans locally) for the fillings
- glutinous rice flour for the dough
- some banana leaves
- red food dye
with enough sugar, oil, water to make the dough (the skin) and the bean paste..

Of course, how could we forget about the mold!! My dad has 4 molds and one of them belonged to my grandmother.. which makes it more than 50 years old!! 

Steps:
- Soak the dehulled mung beans for 6 to 8 hours.
- Steam it by placing them on a piece of white cloth in a bamboo tray over some water.

- Smash the cooked beans. My dad uses a rolling pin instead of a blender as the blended version somehow doesn't seemed fine enough.

- Cook the smashed beans over slow fire with sugar water, and add in a few pandan leaves to enhance the fragrance.  Keep on stirring until it thickens into a paste.

- Once cool enough, roll the paste into small balls.

- Wash the banana leaves and cut them into sizes.

- Make the dough using glutinous rice flour, water and oil. Add in the some red food dye.
- Take some dough, roll it into a ball, flatten it and wrap a ball of green bean paste into it.
- Dusk some flour into the mold.

- Place the rolled ball of dough and green bean paste into the mold and press it evenly.

 

- Put a piece of banana leave over it.

- Overturn it and knock it out gently. Place them into a (bamboo) tray.

- Steam them for about 5-10 minutes. Brush some oil on top of them before they get cold.

And Voila!! :)

Just a side note, my dad bought the wrong "shade" of red for the food dye.. so they kinda turned out more pinkish than reddish.. :p

According to my dad, there are other shapes than just the usual oval ones. People used to give ang ku kueh to relatives and friends to celebrate the first month of their babies. Just by looking at the shapes of the ang ku kueh given, relatives and friends would instantly know the gender of the newborn..

For baby boys, the proud parents will give these.. Oval ones and long ones, together with some hard-boiled eggs.. all in red color.. the color of celebration and auspiciousness for Chinese..

For baby girls, it will be the oval ones and the peaches instead of the long ones..

Anyway, this time round, I was more of an observer than actually trying my hand at making it.. So I will definitely ask my dad to let me do it the next time..  :) Can't wait to learn more of these traditional snacks.. :) :) :)

Three Little Birds

Okay, I must admit that I first heard this song while visiting my friend and my godson in Australia last December.. my friend played it during one of our sight-seeing trips cos this is my godson's favorite song! :) :)  He was only 2+ years old then and already he likes Bob Marley's songs!! ;) ;) ;)  He is adorable when he tries to sing along with the song.. won't forget his cute little face..

So enjoy!! Cos every little thing is gonna be alright!! :)
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Dont worry about a thing,
cause every little thing gonna be all right.
Singin: dont worry about a thing,
cause every little thing gonna be all right!

Rise up this mornin,
Smiled with the risin sun,
Three little birds
Pitch by my doorstep
Singin sweet songs
Of melodies pure and true,
Sayin, (this is my message to you-ou-ou:)

Singin: dont worry bout a thing,
cause every little thing gonna be all right.
Singin: dont worry (dont worry) bout a thing,
cause every little thing gonna be all right!

Rise up this mornin,
Smiled with the risin sun,
Three little birds
Pitch by my doorstep
Singin sweet songs
Of melodies pure and true,
Sayin, this is my message to you-ou-ou:

Singin: dont worry about a thing, worry about a thing, oh!
Every little thing gonna be all right. dont worry!
Singin: dont worry about a thing - I wont worry!
cause every little thing gonna be all right.

Singin: dont worry about a thing,
cause every little thing gonna be all right - I wont worry!
Singin: dont worry about a thing,
cause every little thing gonna be all right.
Singin: dont worry about a thing, oh no!
cause every little thing gonna be all right!

Mid Autumn's Festival 2010

Happy Mid Autumn's Festival to all!!
中秋节快乐！

How time flies.. Once in a while, a tiny tinge of melancholy manages to creep up to me, knocks me over and renders me comfortless when I least expected.. Hopefully I shall not be drinking with me, the moon and my shadow this time next year..

9A+ = Scholarship?

The not-so-recent announcement that any student who scored 9A+ (or more) in SPM Examination will automatically be awarded a scholarships by the Public Services Department (PSD) is a big joke to me. In my opinion, scholarships should instead be given to high-achievers of STPM, which is what the President of MCA is advocating too.. but personally, I don't think the government would agree to it because, as everyone knows, majority of the students doing STPM are Chinese and Indians.

Why shouldn't scholarships be ? Cos this will only spur more "bookworms", "regurgitat-ers", "exam smart" type of students. Students will be spending more time "memorizing" and "gouging" themselves silly with past year papers than to really learn and be educated. While teachers in the schools will not do their best during school hours, but would look forward to "moonlight" as tuition "gurus", charging high fees for something that they should be teaching their own students for free!!

There are already too many so-called "graduates" in the market. Many of them unemployable due to their lack of language skills, usable/marketable skills, EQ and basic work ethics. Everyone wants to work in the office (air-conditioned no less), dress up nicely for work, hang-out at Starbucks/Old Town Cafe after work, go pubbing, golfing or engaged in whatever activities that they think will show people that they have arrived.. Someone forgot to tell them that they need to work hard, be dedicated and be responsible in their jobs..

With this "mad charge" towards 9,10 or 1x A+, these secondary students won't have the time and motivation to try to find out what they really want in life.. Maybe you would think that it is ridiculous to talk about "life-long" careers/ambition at the age of 16 or 17 then what about the fact that many of these teenagers will be "coerced" into fields that demanded many years of their young adult life, like medicine?

Schools should arrange for career counselors to give advise to these teenagers on their future.. I don't remember anyone in school telling me what EXACTLY does an auditor, engineer, accountant, nutritionist or any other occupation do.. or what subjects do I need to get into a course to be a librarian/psychologist/whatever.. or what are the prospects for being a archeologist or paleontologist in this country.. or what jobs are suitable for me.. No one bother with all these non-academic activities, and thus that is the reason why so many people are in jobs that they hated or not suitable for because of their personality and/or temperament!!

As an example, after getting my STPM results (equivalent to A levels) I put in Computer Science as one of my choices for NUS because it sounded more interesting than pure Science. And the only experience I had with computers then was playing Karateka on my uncle's Apple II!!! If I had known that there are other opportunities for Science graduates than being a school teacher, I might have taken up the offer in University Malaya to do Biology instead!! I could grasp Biology better than Computer Science.. or I might major in Library Science (I love books), Actuarial Science (I am good with numbers and structures) or maybe even Medicine (I have the temperament of a surgeon :p) !!

Not everyone knows what they wanna be when they grow up.. so we should provide guidance and advice to these future pillars of the country so that they can maximize their potential and minimize frustrations.. Else it will be very sad for these ace students to be herded into professions that they have no prior understanding of, which they might or might not be happy or good at..

Sometimes I wonder if the authorities actually sit down and think all these over.. but I know that that is highly unlikely.. given how thick-witted most of our cabinet ministers are.. This IS a country led by a bunch of money-grabbing, fear-mongering, self-promoting knuckleheads..

葉子

又是一首阿桑演唱的好歌。这是一部偶像剧《蔷薇之恋》的主题曲。。
非常喜欢陈晓娟的词。。 它的词很简单却又是那么地伤感。。沉重又无奈的。。搭配着阿桑独特的嗓音，非常适合在深夜里一个人静静地感受。。

 -----------------------------------
作词： 陳曉娟
作曲： 陳曉娟
編曲： 鐘興民
 
葉子 是不會飛翔的翅膀
翅膀 是落在天上的葉子
天堂 原來應該不是妄想
只是我早已經遺忘
當初怎麼開始飛翔

孤單 是一個人的狂歡
狂歡 是一群人的孤單
愛情 原來的開始是陪伴
但我也漸漸地遺忘
當時是怎樣有人陪伴

我一個人吃飯 旅行 到處走走停停
也一個人看書 寫信 自己對話談心
只是心又飄到了哪裡
就連自己看也看不清
我想我不僅僅是失去你

我一個人吃飯 旅行 到處走走停停
也一個人看書 寫信 自己對話談心
只是心又飄到了哪裡
就連自己看也看不清
我想我不僅僅是失去你

孤單 是一個人的狂歡
狂歡 是一群人的孤單
愛情 原來的開始是陪伴
但我也漸漸地遺忘
當時是怎樣有人陪伴

我一個人吃飯 旅行 到處走走停停
也一個人看書 寫信 自己對話談心
只是心又飄到了哪裡
就連自己看也看不清
我想我不僅僅是失去你

我一個人吃飯 旅行 到處走走停停
也一個人看書 寫信 自己對話談心
只是心又飄到了哪裡
就連自己看也看不清
我想我不僅僅是失去你

葉子 是不會飛翔的翅膀
翅膀 是落在天上的葉子

Wishes for MY

Today is the 47th anniversary of the establishment of Malaysia.. and also the 87th birthday of LKY..

No matter how this government wanna draw a clear line to separate "us" from "them" (us being MY, and them being SG), our fate is tightly entwined whether we liked it or not.. Not just because we were ONCE a country and we shared a common history, but because our future depends on the success/failure of one another due to our close proximity.. We need each other to prosper, something that Indonesia, Thailand and other ASEAN countries are making full use of, except us.. Our government discredit EVERYTHING that SG does, they rather spend millions or billions getting consultants from Western countries than to look and learn from our closest neighbor.. Indeed, not everything that SG do is good or applicable to us, but we should at least use them as a guide and reference, instead of discrediting them totally..

There was lots of talks about LKY's latest interview where he said some not-so-nice things about MY.. Those were harsh and critical words, but to me, they had some truths in them.. Compared LKY with our own MM..  both are octogenarians and retired PMs.. yet who has more international clout and continues to be held in high regards? who is losing whatever respect his people had for him these last few years?? who is still being invited to prestigious conferences and meetings all around the world to give his thoughts? who is shunned by even his own party? who is trying to instigate racial distrust?? who do you think should just keep his mouth shut and fade quietly into the sunset?? In any case, their legacy shall be decided by the academia and historians, just like what LKY said in his interview..

But back to the main topic..

I really wish that

• the country will develop to its fullest potential and not being held captive by some politicians looking to exploit racial harmony for financial gains.. 
• the people will come together as one and not be forcibly segregated by race, religion or whatever by the current bunch of politician-clowns..
• the government will really put the PEOPLE first, stop abusing the country's resources and actually work to make this a great country that it is supposed to be..

Happy Birthday, Malaysia!!

New seasons..

September means the premiering of new seasons for US TV dramas.. :) :) :)

Here are some of the shows that I am soooooo looking forward to..

Survivor Nigaragua (Season 21) on Sept 15

"The tribe has spoken..."
Let another round of bad-mouthing, back-stabbing, backroom maneuvering, deal-making/breaking, alliance forming and trust betraying begin!! 

House (Season 07) on Sept 20

Will the love for and the relationship with his boss make him a better man (aka less sarcastic and more warmhearted) ? Frankly I don't think so and I don't wanna see a mellowed down lovey-dovey House.. I prefer him to be (still tormented), but this time struggling between being nice to Cuddy while at the same time trying to maintain his meanness.. :)
HOUSE is (back) in the house!! ;)

Castle (Season 03) on Sept 20

"Why don't they just hook up already??" question continues.. I don't know how long the writers are going to keep the two leads apart.. I don't want another Mulder-Scully "no-mance"...

Glee (Season 02) on Sept 21

Frankly I don't really care much about the (budding?) romance between Rachel and Finn, the rivalry between Will and Sue or what new cast members will be joining this season.. 
I just wanna enjoy their show-choiring!! :p

Fringe (Season 3) on Sept 23

I am getting a bit impatient with this alternate universe storyline.. hopefully, the writers are not going to treat viewers as idiots and throw out lame plots to try to sustain this series.. I would prefer that they stick to the "usual" uncommon cases..   

The Amazing Race (Season 17) on Sept 26

Which countries will they be going this time?? What detours, road blocks, speed bumps, U-turns and fast-forwards will they have to undergo?? Will taxi/cab drivers be the random determinants for participants reaching each pit stops again??

Dexter (Season 05) on Sept 26

Season 4's finale was mind-blowing.. and that is an understatement.. :) Really want to see what the writers have planned for Dexter this season.. Oooohhh... can't wait for the father-of-three-cum-serial-killer to get back on his business! ;)

Stargate Universe (Season 02) on Sept 28

This is my first Stargate series.. so far, I will only say that it was not too bad, but it has yet to get a better than average rating from me.. I will give it another season to see if I wanna continue watching it.. So far all the bickering and politicking are getting on my nerves.. Still looking for a worthy sci-fi series to "devote" my time..

Ahhhh... so many shows.. so little time.. not enough bandwidth.. :p

Happy Birthday， Virgos!

A lot of my "better-than-common" friends are Virgos..  and even if not immediately, somehow we will click eventually.. I didn't intentionally look for Virgos to be friends with, but somehow it happens... and sometimes they are so perceptive that it is hard trying to hide anything from them.. :p And I must admit that it is very comfortable being with them and talking to them, I don't have to be someone that I am not.. I can truly be myself with them.. ;) they don't judge even though they are perfectionists and can be very demanding..

I am really fortunate to have them as friends in my life.. :) :) :) I simply love these Virgo friends of mine.. :k

So to:
Joe, Loreen, Irene, Horai, Ilu, Shinta, Fitri, Tracy, Christy and my godson Rio..
Happy Birthday, my dear Virgos!!
May all of you be blessed with health and happiness in the years ahead!!

处女座的朋友们，生日快乐！！

處女座的朋友們，生日快樂！！

乙女座の友達、お誕生日おめでとう！！

野百合也有春天

第一次听到这首歌是在我到新加坡念书前透过一部台湾电影里听到的，片名已经不记得了。。很喜欢。。后来听过潘越云和罗大佑的版本，不过我还是偏爱阿桑诠释的。。 所以这里介绍的是这位女歌手的版本。。很遗憾的，她因乳癌在去年的四月初病逝了,年僅34歲。。


---------------------------------------------------
词曲：罗大佑
编曲：罗大佑

仿佛如同一场梦 我们如此短暂的相逢
你象一阵春风轻轻柔柔吹入我心中
而今何处是你往日的笑容
记忆中那样熟悉的笑容
你可知道
我爱你想你怨你念你深情永不变
难道你不曾回头想想昨日的誓言
就算你留恋开放在水中娇艳的水仙
别忘了山谷里寂寞的
角落里野百合也有春天

从来未曾拥有的总难陷入哀伤和欢愉
从来未曾属于真情的是空幻的物语
而今当你说你将会离去
忽然间我开始失去我自己
你可知道
我爱你想你怨你念你深情永不变
难道你不曾回头想想昨日的誓言
就算你留恋开放在水中娇艳的水仙
别忘了山谷里寂寞的
角落里野百合也有春天


点击试听歌曲 

-------------------------------------------------------
Spring for Wild Lilies too
Our brief encounter was like a dream..
You came into my heart like a spring breeze, softly and gently..
But where is your warm smile now?
That familiar smile that had edged in my memory...
Do you know that
I loved you, missed you, blamed you, longed for you, with feelings that never changes..
Don't you ever thought about yesterday's promises?
Even if you yearn for those blooming narcissus in the water,
Don't forget that in the valleys, spring is there for those wild lonesome lilies too..

Conflicts between joy and grief when I realized we never had anything real..
True feelings were nothing but dreamy tales if they weren't real..
And now you say that you are going away,
Suddenly I realized I have lost myself..
Do you know that

I loved you, missed you, blamed you, longed for you, with feelings that never changes..
Don't you ever thought about yesterday's promises?
Even if you yearn for those blooming narcissus in the water,
Don't forget that in the valleys, spring is there for those wild lonesome lilies too..

War Stories

I have always loved to watch war movies or dramas.. especially the World War II and the Vietnam War.. I could remember all the old war movies that I watched with my dad.. films like Tora! Tora! Tora!, The Guns of Navarone, Von Ryan's Express, The Bridge on the River Kwai and The Great Escape.. My brother, who is 3 years my junior doesn't seemed to have this shared interest in war.. :p I know that it must be "uncommon"for a girl to like war movies, and to date I have yet to meet anyone from the fairer sex who shares the same taste.

In recent years, with the advancement in CG war movies have gotten more realistic, more bloody, more violent and more true to life.. I can still remember how amazed (I won't use the word "excited" although I did feel rather thrilled) I was when I saw body parts flying everywhere during that beach landing scene in Saving Private Ryan.. legs, hands, heads and guts got blown off and flew everywhere.. it couldn't get grimmer than that.. these must have been how the war zone REALLY looked like.. these are the reasons why grown men would became shocked and paralyzed by fear, suffered nervous breakdowns and maybe even got themselves killed in the process..

Personally I preferred The Thin Red Line than Saving Private Ryan due to the storyline and the "grimness" that it portrayed, which I think is closer to real life.. That is also why I liked Oliver Stone's Platoon, Stanley Kubrick's Full Metal Jacket (especially the last scene when the Marines matches on to the tune of Mickey Mouse..it was so surreal and ironic..), Mel Gibson's We Were Soldiers, Clint Eastwood's Flags of Our Fathers and Letters from Iwo Jima, and Jarhead.

Other than war movies, I also loved to watch war related TV drama series and documentaries.. especially Band of Brothers.. not to mention Tour of Duty in the late 1980s that got me in many disagreement with my mum.. The recent HBO miniseries, The Pacific was good in portraying the realism of the war, the trauma and internal conflict suffered by the soldiers but I somehow do not feel much for the characters involved, maybe due to the lack of key characters linking each episodes.

So why the fascination about war stories?? Well, first of all, I like, or should I say I envy, the camaraderie shared by the soldiers.. they went to "hell" (of war, so to speak) together and back.. they had each others back.. nothing bonds a group of people more firmly together than going through the harshest of conditions, both physically and mentally.. either facing or try escaping from formidable enemies bonds a group of misfits together like no other circumstances will.. And only in the harshest conditions will one know what one is truly made of.. Only in extreme circumstances does one's true self emerge.. In a war, everyone has only one thought in their heads: getting through the day alive.. and maybe finally getting back home to their loved ones.. Sometimes that one belief was all there were to sustain them and allow them to keep their sanity and humanity amidst all the craziness of battle..

Most of the soldiers in WW II were volunteers while some were drafted in for the Vietnam War.. so their mentality were different.. The young ones in WW II were eager to go to war, anxious to see action and were ever so willing to sacrifice their lives for their country.. although I do think many regretted their imprudence when they saw from their landing ships the ACTUAL war... the ferocity and brutality of armed combat.. but they continued to bite the bullets and endured whatever crap that were thrown at them.. It was a different case for the Vietnam War.. some of those in Vietnam were forced into joining a war that they didn't support.. so cases of A.W.O.L (Absent WithOut Leave) and M.I.A (Missing In Action) happened fairly often.. and with the widespread usage of chemicals in this war, many, not just the soldiers, suffered the residue effects of it many years after the war...

History is written by the victor(s), no doubt about that.. there is no denying of the atrocities that the German Nazi, Japanese Imperial Army or the Viet Cong had committed, but I don't think the Allied forces are any saints themselves. Yes, they liberated the occupied territories, saved millions of civilians and prevent the "Evil Axis" from taking over the world, but I do think that many deaths, both civilians and military, were collateral damages, which to the generals or government were just numbers and statistics, but to the soldiers on the ground and at the war front, they were real and personal..

I do not envy those who had been through a war, although I do sometimes wondered what I would do if I had lived in those times of war.. Would I have volunteered? Would I be willing to sacrifice my life for the sake of a greater good?? I think I might.. Cos I don't wanna sit around waiting for other people to determine my fate.. Would I be on the side of the "good guys" (aka the Allied Forces in WW II or the Americans in the Vietnam War)? I supposed, but if I were born a German/Japanese/Vietnamese during those times, I would fight for "my" country.. Would I join the army, navy, marines or air force? Maybe the air force, flying a fighter plane or doing supply drops.. else I would wanna be a medic.. I don't think I could inflict any pain to anyone or kill anyone directly.. yet I don't mind risking my life trying to save those who are tasked to do that.. Would I have survived the war? I don't know, cos I think it is pretty much a lottery.. If you are lucky, you can survive any battles; if you are not, you could even get killed just by getting out of bed..

So what would you do?

Higher powers

Sometimes I just don't get it.. What is there to argue about among the different religions?? Why the big fuss with regards to what others do or don't do??

My take on these arguments is very simple:
If you think that YOUR religion is THE right/only ONE, then you should be happily assured that when judgment day comes, those who don't believe what you believed will all be damned and send to Hell or whatever horrible place you believed in.. at that time, you can laugh at their faces when you are "lifted up into the Heaven" by your CREATOR(aka GOD/ALLAH/Buddha/Whoever-you-believed).. Isn't it better for you since it will be less "crowded" in Heaven/Nirvana/Jannah or wherever place that "good" people, according to your religion, will go? Isn't Salvation the best revenge??

Seriously there is no need for any retaliation actions towards those whom you think is damaging your religion, because you WILL have the last laugh. You can try to stop them or talk them out of those actions, but if they refuse to then it is their own undoing.. Because ultimately you will be "saved" and they will be "damned".. Isn't that good enough "punishment"? Why the need to get blood/life on your hands??


Thus all you need to do is to keep to your religious teachings, do whatever that is asked of you (without hurting or troubling other people) and be good to everyone, even those who don't believe what you believed.. You can preach to them and try to persuade them to believe, but if they don't want to embrace what you are offering, then let them be.. It is a choice they made.. You tried but they didn't wanna listen.. so too bad for them and you move on.. You just try to be as good a person as you can be.. and in the end, you will be rewarded.. isn't that simple??

You don't have to defend your religion with extreme actions.. Let the punishment be dealt by your CREATOR.. We are civilized beings, we have souls and conscious, we don't have to resort to violence. It is not a matter of NOT defending your religion, it is more of the choice of people rejecting your religion with extreme means. If they are not revered by the divinity of your CREATOR, do you think they will be cowed by your mortal strength??

With regards to religion, I have my 3 simple rules..
No. 1 : Everyone is entitled to believe whatever they want to believe.. that is the freedom of choice.. you can pray 5 times a day or not at all.. you can abstain from beef, pork or any meat.. you can wear mini-skirts, long-sleeves shirts or even cross-dressed.. you can celebrate Christmas in June or Buddha's birthday in December.. you can sing the Psalms in hip-hop or chant the mantra with rap music... what you do as part of YOUR religion is YOUR business.. or rather YOUR business with the GOD/ALLAH/Buddha/WHOEVER that you believed in.. as long as you do it in your OWN house or house of worship, no one is harmed and no civic law is broken in the process.. cos seriously, who are we to tell them that they are wrong?? We are ALL MORTALS!! If I don't wanna believe in what you believed, even after you have told me of my "guaranteed" redemption and "terrible" retribution, then it shall be my cross to bear, isn't it?

No. 2: No one has the right to dictate what other people should or shouldn't do, in the name of the religion.. Unless one can bring concrete proof that their religion is the ONE TRUE religion, they should just keep their religious tentacles away from other people.. No one has the authority nor right to condemn, punish or judge other people, not even the Vatican, the imams, religious monks/shamans or whoever.. why? because we are ALL MORTALS!! Condemnation, punishment and judgment can only be made by THE Supreme Being, if one is religious, which could be God, Allah, Buddha or whoever one believes in.

No. 3: There is no good or bad religion. Only bad practitioners.. All the holy books and scriptures preach goodness and altruism, but they have no life of their own.. They had to be interpreted by human, but when human do that, it deviates from its true form. Why? (all together now) because we are ALL MORTALS!! We have feelings and emotions, needs and wants.. We project them, consciously or unconsciously, on everything we do.. And we ultimately corrupt everything we come in contact with, even though we might have made it better in the beginning. In my opinion, everyone is fallible and is capable of performing unimaginable feats of benevolence or cruelty.. and there is always darkness in every saint and light in every devil..

Why are some religions getting very bad press? It is not because of the religion itself, but the people who are practicing it.. One man up-ship or "holier than thou" is the problem.. whether you are pious or not, your CREATOR will know.. whether you are living your life abiding by your CREATOR's rules, your CREATOR will know.. you don't have to broadcast to everyone.. you don't have to advertise or publicize your good deeds.. Your CREATOR will know if you were sincere or pretentious when you do those deeds.. you should be seeking approval and acceptance from your CREATOR, not fellow mortals..

Religion is a private matter.. you don't need to publicize how pious, holy or righteous you are. HE/SHE/THEY will know.. that is why HE/SHE/THEY are the Supreme Beings and we are mere mortals, isn't it?

I was there

I was there, bordering on despair
everything that I care
Seemed too painful to bear..

I was there, hanging in the air
being totally unaware
how I would miss the things we share..

I was there, naive and unprepared
seeking answers everywhere
why I have to live a life so unfair..

then,
I made up my mind, to put all behind
where no one is to find
those heartaches that could last a lifetime..

I made up my mind, as it is not a crime
to ignore or at least to feign
those sorrows that still remain entwined..

I made up my mind, to myself I shall be kind
not to let the world define
how to fulfill the pragmatic destiny that is mine..

Reality

Just chatted with an ex-colleague over msn earlier today.. We were catching up on what has happened since we last met in Singapore and also sharing some news about our other ex-colleagues..

Both of us are of the same age, but he is married.. so are most of our ex-colleagues.. although some didn't stay married for long.. within the 3 years since I left Singapore, 2 couples that we know have divorced or separated.. but (fortunately?) twice the number of couples welcomed their first, second or even third child during the same time span.. talk about productivity! :)

At my age, most if not the majority of my peers are married.. so nowadays I rarely do receive any wedding invitations.. but even if I did, I won't attend as I hate the entire concept of needing to "dress up" to attend such wedding receptions/dinners..:P Nowadays, most of my friends are busy taking care of their kid(s), handling those terrible twos, potty-training, trying to inculcate good eating/reading habits, choosing which nursery school to go to, deciding on which "talent classes" to attend and many more other concerns.

Nowadays, having a kid no longer guarantees the longevity of a marriage.. One of the couples had a 2-year old boy, who definitely will be affected by their separation, no doubt.. Sadly, it has become very common to hear about divorce or separation.. Irreconcilable differences and extra-marital affairs are just two of the most common reasons for marriage breaking down.. it could happened to the neighbor's brother, a friend's sister, a colleague's classmate, boss's boss or just somebody's somebody.. Year by year, people are getting married later in life yet divorce rate is going up at the same time!

I empathize, but I don't sympathize with them. They made the choice to get married and/or start a family, so they just have to deal with whatever that comes with it, good or bad...

Personally I think the society has to share a huge part of the blame.. It pressures singles to get hitched, couples to get married and have kids.. "Concerned" relatives would poke their nose into our affairs acting all "concern-ty"... It started off as "Oh, when are you going to get yourself a bf/gf?", then it becomes "Ah, when are you going to get married to your bf/gf?", which will eventually turn into "So, when are you going to give your parents their first/second/third/fourth grandchild?".. They might meant well, but seriously they should just mind their own bloody business.. They will not be the ones having to endure or take all the shitty stuff in a marriage or in raising a child, although they will be the first to claim any credit if the marriage lasted blissfully and/or the child turned out to be an angel..

Being a divorcee is slowly losing its stigma.. So what if they had made a bad decision somewhere earlier in their lives, no big deal.. Life goes on and they moved on.. Everyone is searching for happiness and I really believed that everyone is entitled to find it.. Yet whether being married is part of being happy is up for debate, in my opinion. Many wrote about the search for happiness in relationships, gave advice about it but how many actually finds it and is able to hold on to it? Which is why it is important to know how to be alone, because you are all you have until you find your "better-half"..

I, for one, do not think that I am qualified to judge.. firstly, I don't want to be judged, so I will try my hardest not to judge (Do Unto Others As You Would Have Them Do To You is one of my golden rules). Only God/Buddha/Allah/Whoever-Up-There is, in my opinion, qualified to judge. Secondly, we are all only humans and humans make mistakes. Thirdly, we reap what we sow, so everyone will pay (or has paid) a price for their actions. We should all give ourselves a chance to start anew.

Marriage ain't for everyone, and some are meant to be alone..

Dancing with myself.

Another one of the many songs that I've heard on Glee which I fell in love with.. especially love the chorus.. ;)

Been listening to both Glee's Original Sound Tracks a lot lately.. and frankly I can't wait for Season 2 to start this Sept 21 in the US.. :)

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Dancing with myself
On the floors of Tokyo
Down in London town's a go-go
With the record selection
And the mirror's reflection
I'm dancing with myself

Oh, when there's no one else in sight
In the crowded, lonely night
Well, I wait so long for my love vibration
And I'm dancing with myself

oh, dancing with myself
oh, dancing with myself
Well there's nothing to lose
And there's nothing to prove
And I'll be dancing with myself

If I looked all over the world
And there's every type of girl
But your empty eyes seem to pass me by
And leave me dancing with myself

So let's sink another drink
'Cause it'll give me time to think
If I had a chance, I'd ask one to dance
And I'd be dancing with myself

oh, dancing with myself
oh, dancing with myself
Well there's nothing to lose
And there's nothing to prove
And I'll be dancing with myself

oh, dancing with myself
oh, dancing with myself
Well there's nothing to lose
And there's nothing to prove
And I'll be dancing with myself

So let's sink another drink
'Cause it'll give me time to think
If I had a chance, I'd ask the world to dance
And I'll be dancing with myself

I'll be dancing with myself
So let's sink another drink
'Cause it'll give me time to think

oh, dancing with myself
oh, dancing with myself
Well there's nothing to lose
And there's nothing to prove
And I'll be dancing with myself

oh, dancing with myself
oh, dancing with myself
Well there's nothing to lose
And there's nothing to prove
And I'm dancing with myself

Prepare

Prepare to endure
Prepare to fight
Prepare to make some sacrifice!

Prepare to persevere
Prepare to expedite
Prepare to reach a whole new height!

Prepare to forgo
Prepare to forgive
Prepare to forge ahead and overachieve!

Prepare to suffer
Prepare to defy
Prepare to make my life worthwhile!

Regarding Happiness

This is a translation of an article that was shared by a friend on Facebook..
It was an article by 張忠謀Morris Chang, titled 張忠謀說幸福(二).
I find it very enlightening.. so I decided to translate it into English, so that more people will be able to read and gain something out of it..
Thus I have no intention of violating any copyrights of the author nor making profit out from this..

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Regarding Happiness by Morris Chang

Relationships based on "Love at first sight" and "Staying faithful to one" are unrealistic, and we do not need such impractical and illusory feelings.

Someone once described having a relationships is just like looking for pebbles on the beach.
Everyone would pick the one they liked.
Once you have found the one you like, you would take it home and treat it well, as it is your only pebble.
And keep in mind, never to go back to the beach again.
(You have to believe that you have found the biggest, the best and the one pebble that suits you the most.)

The most important thing about a relationship isn't about how good he/she is, but how good he/she is TO YOU.

A person might have very good qualities, scoring 100% on your scale. Yet he/she is only willing to share with you 30-40% or just 10-20% of what he/she has; Conversely, another person might be only have 70%, yet he/she is willing to share all of what he/she has with you. Who would you choose??

Actually, everyone is blessed with the same qualities.
No matter how good you are, there will be someone who is better.
Even though you couldn't be "the best", but you can be "the best person to him/her".
Every man can say: "I might not be the best man in the world, but I will be the best man in your world."

It is the same for the women too. It is doable for everyone.
The most important thing in a relationship is: how good is he/she treating you, not how good he/she is.
And if a person who is good, and he/she loves you wholeheartedly and unconditionally, then you can really spend the rest of your life with this person.

Things that modern women should consider are:
do you love him? does he loves you? is he true to you?
is there any pressure being with him? are you happy with him?
and not what he owns!

True love is invaluably rare.
In one's lifetime, it is hard to find the one that you truly loves, one whom you will spend the rest of your life with.
If you are afraid to let your feelings show or afraid that something (bad) will happen, then it would be a regrettable loss if you knowingly miss this one and only chance you have.
Thus you must take the initiative and confess your true feelings.

If a man looks down on a woman for taking the initiative, then he is not a man but a beast.
Furthermore, happiness is much more important than saving face.
If you could gain a lifetime of happiness from a brief loss of face, isn't it a good deal?!?
Bravely say what is in your heart, don't hide what you really feel.
Never say that you have yet to meet your destiny.
Destiny can be found everywhere, just that they are fleeting and transient.
If you are not able to build "relation" in time, how will you see where the "ship" will take you?

Most women emphasize on feelings, while men tend to be more physical.
Other than being considerate and obliging to the women, the men should be responsible for the woman.
He must channel all his charms, consideration and obligation for all the women in the world to just one woman.
Also, being macho or inarticulate doesn't get you anywhere with the women, so learn to talk sweetly and nicely.
Men, sex to love; Women, love to sex.

Will a relationship that is easy and fun to maintain last longer?
Will a relationship that is difficult and painful to maintain not last long?
This is all about choices.
We are all mortal beings, we all want love that is mundane, blissful and happy.

For all relationships, the journey is far more important than the destination.
Why? Because all relationships do not have an outcome.
What should be the end result? Marriage?

Is it to live happily (married) ever after?
Thus we do not judge its value from the outcome of a relationship, nor do we quantify its worth from the length of a relationship.
In feelings, whatever that happened do exist,
and whatever that existed has its values.

Every part, every minute or every second of a relationship is priceless.
Marriage is the biggest gamble in one's life.
Infinitely, we have to keep on showing the worst and ugliest sides of ourselves to our partners.
The difference between being in love and being in a marriage is:
While in love, you can spend 2 hours getting yourself ready, paying undivided attention to him/her, be caring and considerate and accomplish whatever that is expected of you easily.

And no one will be able to maintain such excited state throughout a marriage.
So marriage is a gamble, one that you need to be prepared for, one that you need to be confident about.
Even after all these preparations, you might still lose everything at the table.

So if even before the gamble, you knew that you're having second thoughts, don't love him/her, don't want to spend your life with him/her, then you are bound to lose.

Don't ever get married for reasons other than love.
What is priceless is not what you can gain from the other person.
On one hand, it is the feeling of being needed and being relied on,
"Someone needs me, someone depends on me, I shall get my satisfaction."

With regards to relationships, we need to adopt 3 policy of "Don't":

No. 1: Don't rush. Don't rush to get married.
Although marriage is a beautiful thing, don't be anxious. What is yours will be yours.

No.2: Don't be afraid to give.
A lifetime of efforts must be taken by both parties in order to maintain a relationship.
You won't "get" a good relationship.
You can only find the person you love and together you work hard to maintain, keep and grow your relationship.
If you don't plan to be a good man, then you won't get a good woman.
No bad guy will get a good woman, bad guys only end up with pitiful ones.
Similarly no bad woman will land herself a good man.
In the relationship, there is someone who will work together with you to make it a success.
This type of partnership can be highly successful, if you are willing to put in an effort and give.

No.3: Don't give up.
When you are beaten, frustrated or hurt,
or when you are disappointed and disheartened,
someone is there, supporting, comforting, and encouraging you to get back on your feet, someone who is always on your side, giving you the strength to face the world again,
these can't be done by your parents, your siblings nor your best friends,
only the beloved companion that you have seek and found in your life's journey is capable of such feats.

In fact, love is the only one true thing in life,
the only thing worth pursuing.
As long as you have your loved one by your side, you will have the catalyst to face the world.

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Let me know what you think.. of the article or my translation.. :)

Bloody pissed

Among the many things that I hated, being accused of something that I didn't do or I am not ranked pretty high up in my piss-o-meter.. it is between f***ing pissed and bloody pissed.. :@ :@ :@

I always pride myself as one who is not swayed by monetary gains.. or rather the amount of money needed to persuade me to abandon my principle is pretty astronomical.. no one can make me do things that I don't want to, no matter how much money is being offered.. yet I am no saint.. so if ENOUGH money is thrown at me, I would be a fool not to take it.. it has to be in tens of millions before I would even entertain the possibility of going against what I believed.. so to be accused of being greedy is a great insult to my character.. and that shall not be forgiven lightly.. even if the person accusing is, or rather was, a person I respect(ed)..

Money changes a person.. I have seen it happened in many.. It is hard maintaining your humility and keeping a level head when you are rich and are surrounded by vultures who want nothing but your money yet say nothing but lies that sounded like music to your ears.. you will believe everything and anything good that is said about you and you stopped listening to your conscious or your true friends.. truth becomes a bitter pill to swallow.. you crave admiration, adulation and praises like an addict, even though it is clear that some aren't sincere and you don't really deserved most of them.. and you also become paranoid.. worrying about people trying to take away things that you think are yours like your business, contacts or whatever.. suddenly you had too much to lose, even though you were perfectly fine without all these in the very beginning.. Everything is now measured with money.. everything you say starts and ends with money.. everything you do must bring you more money.. too bad you don't realize that we can't take anything when we die.. and I don't think God/Allah/Buddha/Whoever is going to be impressed with how big your coffer is..

I never respect a person for being rich, and don't think I ever will.. I don't care if you own a bungalow or has nothing to show.. I don't care if you are a company director or just a hospital janitor.. I don't care if you have $10million in your bank or barely $10 in your pocket.. I really don't give a damn! What I treasure most are your values, your principles and how you carry yourself.. being "not-rich" doesn't mean you can't be respectable.. you can be rich and still be unworthy.. thus I have the utmost respect for Mrs. Chen Shu-chu a vegetable seller who had donated NT$10 million to various charities.. it isn't that difficult to treat everyone around you with humility and decency.. being rich doesn't mean you are a better person than the rest of us, just that you are better at making money.. being rich doesn't give you the right to put down those who aren't.. being rich does mean that you have the ability to make other people's lives better, if you choose to..

Maybe I am the odd one.. still believing in doing good and being altruistic, to a point.. I believe that God/Allah/Buddha/Whoever will help those who helps themselves.. I believe you will gain more "merits" from God/Allah/Buddha/Whoever when you gave away $10 if you only had $20, then when you gave away $10,000 when you have millions.. and you will get more "demerits" if you didn't lend a hand when you have more than enough to spare. You don't have to tell the whole world about your good charitable deeds because if you are religious, you know that you will be ultimately judged by God/Allah/Buddha/Whoever, and not your fellow mortals.. or if you believed in karma, then whatever goes around comes around..

And fyi, I am already rich.. maybe not in monetary sense, but at least I am contended with what I have.. as both Buddhist teachings and the Prophet SAW said that Contentment is Riches.. who can argue with the two BIG guys huh? ;)

September is here

September is here
Autumn is near
How I crave for a cold Japanese beer..

One year ago
Had ramen and bento
How I long for some tasty miso..

Friends aplenty
Everyone's chummy
How I miss those spectacular hanabi..

Autumn leaves
Nature's gifts
How I wish I didn't leave..

Yet I did
Cos I didn't fit (in)
But will definitely be back to revisit!