My Fortune for 2010

For the third year (both 2008 and 2009), I paid a visit to my favorite Buddhist Temple, the Sakya Muni Buddha Gaya Temple when I went over to Singapore two weeks ago.

And this is what the Wheel of Fortune has to say to me in this Year of the Tiger..

The Wheel of Fortune says your fate is bright as a starlit night you will be free from care, money you will have, and if you seek a suitor you are sure to win her or him soon. The object you lost will be found. Lawsuit you have no reason to fear all will come right in the end. In illness, you will recover. Your family will enjoy happiness. In all you do, you will not be without luck all your life.

忽然平地見金銀，
一家骨肉大歡欣。
災化為福福因喜，
滿門人口保安寧。
解曰：
時來運泰，中秋月明滿門慶，
求利多得意，婚姻遂願，
病人愈，家宅大吉。

Last year, the Wheel of Fortune said that I won't have to worry much about money which turned out to be kinda true as I managed to find the money to travel to 11 countries!! :) So hopefully this year, I will have all the luck I will need to secure the job that I like in SG or TW..

Let's just wait and see what will turn up..

Distreth a doctor

By the time this blog is published, my sister has endured the last of her many 36hours (on-call) shifts this month..

From Mar 22 to Mar 30 (9 days), she has worked 4 36hrs shifts and a "normal" working day (which means at least 12 hours of work)..

Let me put them in numbers.

There are (9 x 24hrs) = 216 hrs in 9 days

4 36hrs shifts = 4 x 36hrs = 144 hrs
1 normal day = 1 x 12hrs = 12 hrs
So she had worked (144 + 12) = 156 hrs in 9 days

After deducting those working hours, how many hours has she got left?
216 - 156 = 60 hrs for 9 days
meaning
60 / 9 = 6 hrs 20 mins per day..

In summary, she has (on paper) 6.66 hrs per day to do all the other stuff in her life, like eating, going to the toilet, showering and sleeping.. So let's assume that she managed to cramp everything (commuting, eating, toilet and shower) into an hour and she is able to fall asleep IMMEDIATELY, that means she will have about 5 hours of sleep every night..

What I don't understand is:

• How rested can these trainee doctors be if all they can get is 5 hours of sleep per day, if they are lucky?
• How are they to learn (that is why they are "trainee doctors", isn't it?) and excel (we do want them to excel, don't we?) when they barely have time to even sleep??
• How much of that passion (to serve and help the sick and the needy) will be left when they are constantly exhausted (from all the work), bullied (by the seniors or Medical Officers) and stressed out (from the responsibilities and expectation piled on them when they are not properly trained)???
• Are the relevant authorities blind or just apathetic to these issues?

One of the excuse of inaction is "During our time, things were much worse and yet we toughed it out so they shouldn't be complaining.." Well, dear Sirs and Madams, as you said so yourself, that was "your time".. and in those time, you can buy a loaf of bread with $0.20 and the policemen wears shorts... Just because you gone through hell doesn't mean that the rest has to follow you.. if the objective can be reached without having to go through hell, why must the rest suffer through hell just because you did?? During "your" time, there might not be enough doctors to go around, but NOW, there are plenty of trainee doctors to warrant a closer look at time scheduling and better workload management..

To make things worse, some of the medical officers and specialists decided to "show who is the boss" by consistently belittling and humiliating these trainee doctors. Sometimes they even run-down the trainee doctors in front of the patients or the patients' family. Instead of mentoring their future colleagues, they prefer to "terrorizing" and "mental-stressing" these poor future doctors.. And I must say that due to our education systems which emphasize too much on academic achievement and not all-rounded development, most of the doctors from local universities lack the EQ and aptitude required to be a good doctor..

Given such "inhumane" working hours and stressful working conditions, isn't it a no-brainer that many of these doctors opted to go into private practice or to leave the medical field totally when they get their practicing license??

Frankly I feel sorry for my sister.. and it pains me to see her being so unhappy when she should be enjoying her time in the hospital as she is finally able to help people like she always wanted to.. all I can do for her for now is to give her encouragement and counsel her.. showing her different perspectives on things bothering her and help her overcome them..

TM, HSBB and NBI

So yet "another" high-profile multi-billion ICT project - with live TV telecast and personal attendance by the PM no less - by the government to "boast" competitiveness was launched last week..

Biasedly, I think all these expensive infrastructure projects are a big waste of public funds.. why? well, they (here I mean both the private companies involved and the government) can't even manage the existing not-so-high end infrastructure properly..

I don't stay anywhere near KL, Shah Alam, Subang Jaya, Bangsar, Damansara or Petaling Jaya area.. hell, I don't even stay near Penang, Ipoh or any of the state capitals.. and maybe that is why my TM Streamyx connection gets cut off EVERYTIME a storm approaches.. EVERY SINGLE TIME it rains somewhere nearby (not even in my area), my connection drops.. Maybe to those high-level officials, people NOT living in city are NOT worth the effort to appease.. Even as I am writing this entry, my connection dropped more than 4 times within the last half an hour! why? cos it is raining!!

I am beyond embarrassment when my friends (from overseas) whom I was chatting online asked me why was I going on and off-line while we were in the mist of an online conversation.. How can I tell them that the rain and/or thunder in my area is causing my internet connection to drop?!? It is such a big joke.. As much as I wanna tell my oversea friends about my country's progress and achievements in ICT, the simple fact that my ISP (the MAIN and ONLY telecommunication infrastructure provider in the country) cannot even guarantee STABLE connectivity negates everything.

Every time a huge multi-billion project (of any kind) is launched, the officials like to boast about the tangible targets that this project is going to achieve, in terms of percentage and time line.. "It is going to boast the so-n-so industry with penetration rate of X% within Y years..", "We will be seeing an increase of X% in so-so sector within Y years because of this project.." Impressive numbers are thrown around and grandeur pictures are painted for the public..

Yet, when the time (the Y years mentioned) has arrived, NO ONE is there to VERIFY those claims and CONFIRM that the money was indeed well-spent.. No report is given or published.. No one is held responsible or accountable for its success (which is very rare) or failure (which is the common outcome).. No heads will roll as everyone suffers from amnesia ("cannot remember lar.." "did I say that?" "I never say that, the media misquoted me..", "it was the previous minister's responsibility/portfolio.." ) and then the government will launch yet ANOTHER multi-billion project to compensate/remedy and the charade will start all over again..

I don't know what the public in general thinks about such mega-projects, but I for one would just treat these projects as reckless wastage of public money.. and unless the authorities take up its share of accountability and responsibility, no matter how much money the government has invested or are going to invest in these projects, they will, in the end, become either a white elephant, a laughing stock or something that failed to live up to its full potential..

Memorable quotes... XX

As a subscriber to the Existentialism school of thoughts, here are some perceptive quotes by prominent philosophers of this school which I would like to share..

Face the facts of being what you are, for that is what changes what you are.
~Soren Kierkegaard

Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.
~Soren Kierkegaard

Love is all, it gives all, and it takes all.
~ Soren Kierkegaard

The highest and most beautiful things in life are not to be heard about, nor read about, nor seen but, if one will, are to be lived.
~ Soren Kierkegaard

Man is condemned to be free; because once thrown into the world, he is responsible for everything he does.
~ Jean-Paul Sartre

Man is not the sum of what he has already, but rather the sum of what he does not yet have, of what he could have.
~ Jean-Paul Sartre

Thoughts are the shadows of our feelings - always darker, emptier and simpler.
~ Friedrich Nietzsche

There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness.
~ Friedrich Nietzsche

The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself.
~ Friedrich Nietzsche

One ought to hold on to one's heart; for if one lets it go, one soon loses control of the head too.
~ Friedrich Nietzsche

Perhaps I know best why it is man alone who laughs; he alone suffers so deeply that he had to invent laughter.
~ Friedrich Nietzsche

He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.
~ Friedrich Nietzsche

6th Month..

180 days.. that is how long I have been back from Japan.. and how long I have been jobless.. :(

So, what have I done since coming back from Australia more than 90 days ago? Not much, to put it bluntly.. Other than sending out more than 30+ job applications and getting just ONE interview in SG, here are some of the stuff I did, other than hanging almost 24/7 on Facebook and writing this blog..

Read 13 books:

• The Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell
• It's not how good you are, but how good you wanna be by Paul Arden
• How to stop worrying and start living by Dale Carnegie
• How to win friends and influence people by Dale Carnegie
• How to feel Confident: Simple tools for instant confidence by Leil Lownes
• Emotional Design: Why we love (or hate) everyday things by Donald A. Norman
• Do androids dream of electric sheep? by Philip K. Dirk
• Stupid White Men : ...And Other Sorry Excuses for the State of the Nation! by Michael Moore
• How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less by Nicholas Boothman
• How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships by Leil Lownes
• The GOD Delusion by Richard Dawkins
• Medical Ethics - A Very Short Introduction by Tony Hope
• Are you good enough? 15 ways to build a confident mindset by Bill McFarlan
• Connected: The surprising power of our social networks and how they shape our lives by Nicholas A. Kristakis and James H. Fowler

and several editions of New Scientist and currently in the mist of reading 2 other books..

• The End of Faith: Religion, Terror and the future of Reason by Sam Harris
• Hot, Flat and Crowded: Why we need a green revolution - and how it can renew America by Thomas L.Friedman

Watched 8 movies..

• Seven Pounds
• Kaiji - The Ultimate Gambler (JP)
• The Women
• Alice in Wonderland
• Bleach the Movie: Fade to Black, I Call Your Name (JP)
• The Scorpion King 2: Rise of a Warrior [Don't EVER watch this show. It SUCKS!!]
• G.I.Joe: Rise of Cobra
• Avatar

and 12 documentaries..

• BBC Horizon - Making Millions The Easy Way (2004)
• CBC Nature of Things - Selling Sickness (2004)
• BBC Horizon - How to Kill a Human Being (2008)
• BBC Horizon - Battle of the Brains (2007)
• Bbc Horizon - Isaac Newton - The Dark Heretic
• PBS Frontline - The Medicated Child (2007)
• BBC - The Secret Life Of The Mona Lisa (2003)
• CBC Nature Of Things - Corporate Agriculture: The Hollow Men (2003)
• CBC Nature Of Things - Alternative Agriculture: Food For Life (2003)
• BBC Horizon - How Does Your Memory Work (2008)
• BBC Horizon - How To Make Better Decisions (2008)
• BBC Horizon - Could Fish Make My Child Smart (2005)

Completed Season 01 and 02 of Fringe (a total of 35 episodes), finish all 4 episodes of 血液型別オンナが結婚する方法 (JP mini-drama), up to date with season 06 of House M.D., till episode 263 of Bleach (JP anime) and some 20+ episodes of 康熙来了..

As one can see, I didn't really do much with regards to my job search.. Didn't really read up on anything that is IT-related.. I have tons of ebooks on every possible IT/technical topics.. Yet, I can't seems to find the interest or motivation to read them up.. Maybe I have lost interest in IT, I don't know.. I like to know the general idea of how new technologies work, but "refuse" to get into the details... I must admit that I am Jill of most trades and master of some.. but unfortunately, most companies want a "specialist" (in something) and not "generalist" (of everything)...

And the only saving grace, if I can take it as such, is that I am my sister's keeper.. making sure that she is well-rested, well-fed, less-frustrated and not-so-depressed is the only thing that make me feel less useless and less worthless..

So from the look of things, days of unemployment could drag on further.. how much further? I really wish I know the answer to that.. :( :( :(

Earth Hour 2010

Once again, it is time for Earth Hour.. For those who still don't know about it, Earth Hour 2010 will be on Saturday Mar 27, 8:30pm - 9:30pm, which is tomorrow..

As I was staying alone the past 2 years in Japan, doing my part was easy.. I just switched off all my appliances and sit in the dark for that hour.. doing some "soul-searching" and "deep-thinking" with no distraction, especially from the Internet..

This year, I too will be participating in this one-hour lights-off initiative.. actually, my whole family will be doing so.. I didn't realize that my parents knew about the Earth Hour until I told them I wanted to join in a couple of days ago.. In fact, they switched off all the lights in the house last year during Earth Hour 2009!!

So how am I going to keep myself busy during that one hour this time? Well, I found some good suggestions from the Internet.. Maybe I will look through all my old photos by the candlelight or go out and gaze at the stars above.. :)

Are you going to join Earth Hour 2010 and do your part?

Alice and Kaiji

Managed to catch two movies during my brief hop-over to Singapore last week.. Alice in Wonderland and Kaiji - The Ultimate Gambler (カイジ 人生逆転ゲーム)..

Both movies were very unalike: English vs Japanese, fantasy vs drama, Victorian-era vs present-day and many other seemingly obvious differences.. but yet both conveyed similar messages.. at least to me, I get one unified message: No one else but me shall determine how my life will turn out.

One of my friends that I met up posed this question to me, "Why would I wanna go and see a movie that I already knew the ending?"

Yes indeed.. why did I go and watch Alice in Wonderland? No doubt one of the main reasons was that I am a big fan of Tim Burton and Johnny Deep.. But that aside, there are some other underlying reasons which I realized after giving that question much thought..

The same can be said of the Japanese movie, Kaiji - The Ultimate Gambler. I am a great admirer of Amami Yuki.. That not withstanding, having watched my fair share of Japanese dramas and movies, I can say that most if not all endings will have a moral lesson to be learn and/or will leave audiences feeling good about their own life (as compared to the characters in the movies).

Since I already knew that both Alice and Kaiji will, in the end, triumph against all odds, so why the hell did I spend my hard-saved and soon-to-be-limited money to watch them? Well, for a start, I want to believe that I too can overcome whatever obstacles that are currently causing me much grief.. that I too can vanquish whatever inner demons that are tormenting me.. that I would not disappoint those around me.. that I too will rise up to the occasion and be somebody someday.. that I too am not helpless, hopeless or worthless..

Both movies gave me hope, in their own different way.. For Alice, she rejected the marriage proposal that everyone assume she will accept and instead followed her dreams of seeing the world and experiencing new things.. In that sense, I too am taking the not-so-fondly looked upon decision of NOT wanting to stay/work in Malaysia to work AND NOT wanting to be an engineer.. For Kaiji, he realized that he has the inner strength that he never knew he had and he could make something out of his life if he really wants to.. In this case, I too want to believe that I CAN survive this depressing round of "unemployment-cum-lost-my-life-bearing" phase of my life and that I CAN have the life that I want if I work hard towards it..

Sic vita est.. Vive ut vivas!!

Maybe I should...

Maybe I should just get away
Just get over this unrequited crush sooner
And crush all hopes and face reality
And face the heartaches and the truth..

Maybe I should just back away
Just back to when we were only friends
Only that I could never forget you
Never forget those wonderful times..

Maybe I should just hide away
Just hide my heart from every love hereafter
As love is my Achilles' heel without doubt
Yet without it might I fare any better?

Maybe I should just walk away
Just walk through the darkness unaided
Internal darkness that only I can conquer alone
And conquer it I must as there is no other way..

Maybe I should just break away
Just break all the taboos and just be me
Just be the person I wanna be
I wanna just be happy my own way..

Maybe I should just go away
Just go some place and start afresh
Just start from scratch and not look back
To look for a future that I should have..

Whataya Want From Me

Whataya Want From Me
Artist: Adam Lambert

Hey, slow it down
Whataya want from me
Whataya want from me
Yeah, I'm afraid
Whataya want from me
Whataya want from me

There might have been a time
When I would give myself away
(Ooh) Once upon a time
I didn't give a damn
But now here we are
So whataya want from me
Whataya want from me

Just don't give up
I'm workin' it out
Please don't give in
I won't let you down
It messed me up, need a second to breathe
Just keep coming around
Hey, whataya want from me
Whataya want from me

Yeah, it's plain to see
That baby you're beautiful
And there's nothing wrong with you
It's me – I'm a freak
But thanks for lovin' me
Cause you're doing it perfectly

Yeah There might have been a time
When I would let you slip away
I wouldn't even try but I think
You could save my life

Just don't give up
I'm workin' it out
Please don't give in
I won't let you down
It messed me up, need a second to breathe
Just keep coming around
Hey, whataya want from me
Whataya want from me

Just don't give up on me
I won't let you down
No, I won't let you down

So
Just don't give up
I'm workin' it out
Please don't give in
I won't let you down
It messed me up, need a second to breathe
Just keep coming around
Hey, whataya want from me

Just don't give up
I'm workin' it out
Please don't give in
I won't let you down
It messed me up, need a second to breathe
Just keep coming around
Hey, whataya want from me
(Whataya want from me)
Whataya want from me
Whataya want from me
---------------------------------------------

Longingly...

Being in Singapore reminded me of many things... things that I haven't feel for a long while..

..the freedom to walk around anywhere unafraid.. even well passed midnight..
..the ease of traveling around.. by walking or taking public transport..
..the affordability of taking a taxi.. without worrying about the meter..
..the familiarity of household shops/brand names.. some are "made-in-Singapore" but mostly "found-in Singapore"..
..the choice of affordable restaurants and eateries.. good food that doesn't cost a bomb..
..the reliability of services.. everything is either "sure can" or "sure have"..
..the sense of security.. where the police CAN be trusted..
..the feeling of belonging and acceptance.. even when I was not even born there..
..the company of friends.. even if we haven't seen each other for ages..

and lastly..
..the glimpse of the life I should/could/would be living once I get a job..

A quick hop-over

Took a short trip over to Singapore last Tuesday.. it was kinda rush because I had to attend an interview scheduled Thursday.. Had originally wanted to "move" to Singapore "permanently" this week, but because of this interview and the possibility of going to Taiwan, I decided to just spend 3 days 2 nights in the Lion City.

Everything was rushed.. I had to book a hotel instead of hostel, as I wanted a room with attached bathroom.. Everything was hushed too.. as I didn't want to tell everyone about my trip.. don't want them to have any expectations or false hope.. also it was my first interview since I started my job hunt "seriously" from end of January.. and my rusty interviewee skills was going to be tested, at last..

Frankly I was looking forward to this trip.. going "back" to a place that I have spend almost my whole adult life in.. I want to reconnect to the place again.. Remembering how things are being done, the norms and the usuals.

Took a 11pm coach from my place.. by the time I cleared the custom, it was almost 7am the next day.. took another hour or so to get to my hotel.. wasn't able to check in as yet so I left my luggage at the hotel and went to my favorite Buddhist temple nearby.. to chat with the temple keeper auntie there and do some praying..

Was able to check in around 12pm.. took a quick shower and I went out again.. this time to Suntec City.. :) to change and deposit some Yen to my SG account.. and then to get a prepaid mobile SIM card.. this is to give the companies a local number to contact me if they want to call for a job interview as I realised that my not having a SG contact number are limiting my chances of getting interviews..

Since it was still early before my movie, I decided to go for a session of foot reflexology.. I still have a couple of sessions still not utilized from the package that I bought before I went to Japan.. It was painful but I enjoyed it.. :p Then I went for my movie, Alice in Wonderland (3D).. :)

Bought some food back to my hotel room and of course, my juice.. I bought pink guava juice, instead of orange juice.. miss the taste of it.. went back pretty early as I didn't want to stay out too late.. I watched a movie, The Women on my small laptop before turning in for the night..

The next day, went for the interview around 9:30am.. Shall write about it in another post.. But sufficient to say that I didn't get the job.. They wanted someone with more experience in project management.. oh well, I can't possibly gotten a job with just ONE interview, right?

When I got back to the hotel, it started raining.. so I stayed in the entire afternoon.. watched some TV and just chill in the hotel room.. :) Went to meet some friends for dinner at Raffles City.. Had some pretty good Italian food.. chit chatted till almost midnight.. good to be able to catch up with friends.. :)

Slept very late that night as I had 3 urgent translation jobs to complete.. Every single time I went traveling, I would always get these "urgent" jobs, without any exceptions!! So I woke up pretty late the next day.. Checked out the hotel around 11am, left me luggage in the hotel and went off again! :)

Went to Orchard this time.. Since I have more than 10 hours to kill, I decided to go watch movie again.. :p This time a Japanese movie, Kaiji - The Ultimate Gambler (カイジ 人生逆転ゲーム) at Orchard Cineleisure.. :) Then I wonder around Orchard Road, went to Kinokuniya at Takashimaya Shopping Center.. after that I went back to City Hall area and window shopped at Funan Center for 3C merchandise.. It felt so good to be able to go anywhere I want by just taking the train and walking.. :) :) :)

Was supposed to have dinner with another old friend, but she had a last minute meeting to attend to, so I just treated myself to a nice dinner at the coffee connoisseur ( tcc ) in Citylink Mall.. :)

Then reluctantly I boarded the coach at Golden Mile Complex around 9:30pm.. and got back home early morning the next day..

If..

If I die tomorrow,
You'll know that I am but a passing shadow.
Just remember me..

If I die tomorrow,
You'll know that my life isn't hollow.
Just remember me..

The good, the bad and all my idiosyncrasies..

--------------------------

If I die today,
You'll know that this is my last hurray.
Just think of me..

If I die today,
You'll know that it's okay.
Just think of me..

And hold dear those shared memories..

--------------------------

If I die tonight,
You'll know that I didn't go without a fight.
Just smile for me..

If I die tonight,
You'll know that it's alright.
Just smile for me..

And reminisce those fond memories..

--------------------------

If I die, would you cry?

Transformer

"My dad makes transformers..."
This is what I will tell people if they asked about my father.. It will almost always make the person asking raise their eyebrows.. which I will then explain to them that these transformers are not the same as these transformers...

There are many different types of transformers.. but most will consist of a bobbin/core and some copper wires.. some are small while others are huge.. my father specializes in making small transformers that fits inside a fan regulator, lamp post, audio hifi and other electrical appliances..

Since I've yet to secure a job, I would go to my father's factory once in a while and help him with some of the chores there.. Most of the time, I am tasked to do "winding" using a specialized machine.. Shown as below: In this case, I need to wind two sets of wires around the bobbin.. First the left side.. Then the right side..Ta da! The end-result of winding.. it still needs more work to be done on it..And to give you an idea of how small this is.. a comparison..I could wind about 400 pieces of these within 5 hours.. Not too bad for someone with fat fingers.. :p :p :p

Birds n Nest (Update)

The cycle of Life.. where instinct and nature triumphs..

After my last entry about a pair of burung merbab nesting in my backyard, I was pretty sure that will be the last time I ever saw them again.. so imagine my surprise when my dad told me that there is another nest being build on the guava tree in my backyard! I don't know if it is the same pair , but it is of the same species.. This time round, the nest was built way up on the guava tree.. Again, it was weaved by using twigs, stalks, small plastics shreds and leaves..And this time, I shall not poke my head/hands/camera and disturb them.. How about that, the second nest within 3 months!! Hope there will be more nests being build around/in my backyard.. :)

開不了口

作詞 : 徐若瑄
作曲 / 演唱 :周杰倫

才離開沒多久就開始　擔心今天的妳過得好不好
整個畫面是妳　想妳想的睡不著

嘴嘟嘟那可愛的模樣　還有在妳身上香香的味道
我的快樂是妳　想妳想的都會笑

沒有妳在我有多難熬(沒有妳在我有多難熬多煩惱)
沒有妳煩我有多煩惱(沒有妳煩我有多煩惱多難熬)

穿過雲層　我試著努力向妳奔跑
愛才送到　妳卻已在別人懷抱

就是開不了口　讓她知道
我一定會呵護著妳　也逗妳笑
妳對我有多重要　我後悔沒　讓妳知道
安靜的聽妳撒嬌　看妳睡著　一直到老

就是開不了口　讓她知道
就是那麼簡單幾句　我辦不到
整顆心懸在半空　我只能夠　遠遠看著
這些我都做得到　但那個人已經不是我

================================================================
就算开了口，得到的答案却不是我预期的。。
即便是这样的一个结局，我已把心意传达了，至少我不会再有任何后悔。。

Stay... Not Staying..

Gonna stay..

..alive as there are many things I've yet to do/experience..
..busy with so many things to read/learn..
..connected with friends, wherever they may be..
..dauntless as I am no coward..
..eager to take up any challenges coming my way..
..focused on what I want and do not compromise..
..grateful for what I have..
..healthy so I can do what I want..
..imaginative as the sky is the limit..
..jovial as life is full of possibilities..
..keen on everything and anything as I am an knowledge junkie..
..logical and not succumb to nonsensical..
..modest and open as I do not know everything..
..natural and help save the environment..
..optimistic that things will get better soon..
..positive that things will work out..
..quixotical regarding those matters of the heart..
..restless and not settling for less..
..soulful as this is who I am..
..tough as I can weather any storm in Life..
..unique as there is only one ME..
..vocal and speak my mind..
..witty and laugh at myself once in a while..
..eXpressive and creative for I am an artist..
..young at heart, even as age is catching up..
..Zen as all things happen for a reason..

But I just won't stay HERE!

Memorable quotes... XIX

When one has lots on his/her mind, like I am now, all he/she needs is to find someone...anyone that could empathize with what he/she is going through.. This is why I like to search for quotes or poems that would reflect my current state of mind, other than writing my own poems of course..

Here are some quotes from Albert Camus which I can relate to..

"Blessed are the hearts that can bend; they shall never be broken. "

"Don't walk behind me; I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend. "

"I know of only one duty, and that is to love."

"To be happy we must not be too concerned with others. "

"Without work, all life goes rotten. But when work is soulless, life stifles and dies. "

"You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life. "

"Real generosity toward the future lies in giving all to the present. "

"In order to understand the world, one has to turn away from it on occasion. "

Buglared.. almost..

What more can I say about this country?? Seriously.. The crime rate is over the roof but where the bloody hell are the police or law enforcement agencies??

It was almost 2 years ago when my house was broken into.. this time round, "luckily" the perpetrator didn't manage to get into the house.. but he did manage to break the lock of the bedroom window and bend two iron bars.. We could narrowed down the time of the break-in attempt to between 8am to 1pm, when I was at my dad's factory.. And we suspected that either the perpetrator(s) has been monitoring my house for opportunity or someone gave them a tip off, or both..

Just imagine, in broad daylight a break-in was being attempted.. what gave them the "courage"? well, the fact that they will never be caught! as the police in this country are either too busy "drinking coffee" or "demanding coffee money"... and the rot goes way up the hierarchy... big fish deals with thousands or millions, while small fish deals with hundreds or tens..

SERIOUSLY NEED TO GET OUT OF THIS PLACE ASAP BEFORE IT GOES TO THE DOGS!!

Want vs Wanted

Mmmm..... so I have been jobless for more than 5 months now.. One of my uncles hit the nail on the head when he said, “毕业就是失业”(you are jobless once you graduated)... well, I can't argue with that.. :(

I have uploaded my resume to several major job sites, fine tuning and customizing it several times along the way.. Been sending plenty of applications to companies in Singapore since end January (after my trip to Australia), but received no responses so far.. :x

Actually, I did get a few calls and emails from recruitment companies.. but all were for positions in Kuala Lumpur, Cyberjaya, KLCC or Damansara, which in other words meant working in Malaysia.. Frankly, I was very tempted by one or two of the offers as the jobs seemed challenging and interesting enough.. but in the end, I rejected all of them as I refuse to stay in a country that I don't feel comfortable nor welcomed..

So in short, I don't want (to work for) those who wanted me, but prefer to wait for those who might not even call me (for an interview).. That is the irony of LIFE, isn't it? :x :x What we want, we can't have; What we have, we don't want..

Just hope these kind of situation don't persist on for too long.. My self-esteem and self-confidence is shriveling fast.. Need to plan for my next course of action to remedy this soon..

Wedding (First half of Round 1)

Been busy the 2nd and 3rd day of CNY.. with my brother's wedding.. or rather the 1st round of the wedding...

The night before the wedding, we had a short meeting where all the 2nd generations of Goh were involved (aka all my cousins). Almost all my cousins were present, except the one in England doing pharmacy.. Roles and responsibilities were allocated and details ironed out. I was the overall coordinator.. My sister was the bridesmaid (and my helper/adviser) and my cousins being the best man and chauffeurs..

We even decorated the bridal car ourselves, with wedding bears that my sister and I went around several shopping centers in Penang to hunt for... We bought the sticker that is to be pasted on the bridal cars and cars that were going to pick up the bride.. The florist that we booked the bridal bouquet gave us some tips, and we bought some of the pink cloth-type ribbons from her.. With the help of some of my aunties, the end result was not too bad.. :)

On the 3rd day of CNY, the tea ceremony was held in my uncle's place. My brother had his in-laws over from China to join us.. And they all stayed in a famous hotel nearby.. So instead of the bride's house, my brother was to go to the hotel to pick up the bride.. Thus off he went, with all my paternal cousins as his entourage... :) While they were gone, I was busy with the arrangements at home.. including making red-dates-longan-tea for the tea ceremony.. and preparing the tea set that we bought after searching high and low for it..Soon enough, we could hear the loud honking of the car's horns.. they were here! :) Together with two of my aunties, I was forbidden to meet the bride at the door as we (those born in the years of the Tiger) were deemed to be too "fierce" (煞气重) and would cause "misfortune" to the bride if we meet face-to-face.. Once the bride came into the house, everything was okay..

First was the prayer to the ancestors, as my brother need to "report" to our (Goh) ancestors that he is getting married and setting up his own household from that day onwards.. After a brief rest, the tea ceremony began..

In summary, the tea ceremony is for the bride to pay/receive respect to/from everyone in the family, including all the elders, peers and juniors of the family that she is marrying into.. First to receive the serving of tea from the bride was my parents (aka her in-laws). Usually, gifts of jewelries and/or red packet (with cash inside) are being given to the newly-weds as a token of blessing and acknowledgment by the elders when served. The serving of tea was then repeated for all my 8 uncles and aunties present.. After all my uncles and aunties, it was my turn as I am, after all, the elder sister of the groom.. :p After getting another red packet from another cousin who is older than my brother (& his wife), it was time for their juniors to pay respect to the "new member" of the family.. starting with my sister... and followed by all our other younger cousins.. they each received a red packet from the bride as a token...

After a quick and casual lunch of KFC and Domino Pizzas, my brother with his wife and her family retired to the hotel to get ready for the wedding dinner later that evening..

So ended the first half of Round 1 of his wedding..