b4 CNY

Been busy... with CNY prep.. and other (usual) stuff..

Managed to draft out my bio and my proposal before the weekend and have sent it over to my senior for his input and amendments.. Went shopping in Penang with my sis on Sat.. spent 10 hours making love letters yesterday.. clean the house a bit and helped my mum prepare dishes for ancestor worship today... then we'll be off to KL.. will be having reunion dinner with my uncle and maybe spend a few days there..

hope to get some rest while in KL..

Sunday Serenade： The Flood

A very inspiring song.. like the music.. love the guys' voices.. a good rousing way to start off a Sunday!

:)


The Flood
performed by Take That

Standing, on the edge of forever,
At the start of whatever,
Shouting love at the world.
Back then, we were like cavemen,
We'd beam at the moon and the stars,
Then we forgave them.

We will meet you where the lights are,
The defenders, of the faith we are.
Where the thunder turns around they'll run so hard
we'll tear the ground away.

You know no one dies, in these love town lies,
Through our love drowned eyes, we'll watch you sleep tonight.

Although no one understood we were holding back the flood,
Learning how to dance the rain.
We were holding back the flood they said we'd never dance again.

Bleeding, but none of us leaving,
Watch your mouth son or you'll find yourself floating home.
Here we come now on a dark star, seeing demons, not what we are.
Tiny minds and eager hands will try to strike but now will end today.

There's progress now where there once was none,
where there once was ah, then everything came along.

Although no one understood,
we were holding back the flood learning how to dance the rain.
There was more of them than us now they'll never dance again.

Although no one understood there was more of them than
us learning how to dance the rain,
We were holding back the flood they said we'd never dance again.

We will meet you where the lights are,
The defenders, of the faith we are.
Where the thunder turns around they'll run so hard
we'll tear the ground away.

Although no one understood,
there was more of them than us learning how to dance the rain.
(learning how to dance the rain)
There was more of them than us now they'll never dance again.

Now we'll never dance again.

Sunday Serenade: Night is Young

Because of the name of this song, I've decided to post it right after midnight.. cos the Night is Young! :)

Happy 36years and 1month old to me..  :p  ;)  :p

Enjoy!!


Night is Young
performed by Nelly Furtado

Visions of you
Visions of me
Everything we wanted

I wanna be frozen in time
Forever in this moment

How you wanna live?
What you wanna be?
How you wanna be?
So alive

What you wanna do?
What you wanna be?
I know you wanna live your life right

The Night is young, and so are we
We can do anything
Oh Love Baby

The Night is young, and so are we
We can be anyone
Oh Love Baby

Cause we are
Free Free Free Free Free Free
And life is
Free Free Free Free Free Free
Don’t worry Baby, ill be here
To make show you’re feeling fine
To can let go of all your fears
Coz You’re not going on tonight

How you wanna live
What you wanna be
Don’t you know u make me feel so alive

What you wanna do
What u wanna be
I know u wanna live your life right

The Night is young, and so are we
We can do anything
Oh Love Baby

The Night is young, and so are we
We can be anyone
Oh Love Baby
Cause we are
Free Free Free Free Free Free
And life is
Free Free Free Free Free Free

Baby its all good
(Baby its all good)
When I look at you
(When I look at you)
And I see that you
(And I see that you)
Made it through everything
(Made it through everything)
After all of the ups and downs
(all of the ups and down)
We figured it out
(Defending it all out)
And I will know
How to ride it out

The Night is young, and so are we
We can do anything
Oh Love Baby

The Night is young, and so are we
We can be anyone
Oh Love Baby

Cause we are
Free Free Free Free Free Free
And life is
Free Free Free Free Free Free

Being mean

I must admit, I can be quite a b***h at times.. especially to those who wanna "act cute" with me.. or "play innocent".. oh.. and don't try to palsy-walsy with me when we are not THAT close in the first place..

Sorry folks, I am not one who will "succumb" to coquettish of any random acquaintance.. What I want is genuine sincerity, not some meaningless jesting or customary courtesy .. I don't have time to "play games" or sweet talk.. not even over MSN.. I can be caring, funny and entertaining while chatting.. BUT only if we are "sufficiently" acquainted... then we can have bantering/flirting/teasing and some (fun/harmless) sarcasm thrown in.. who knows, I might even share a secret or two with you along the way.. :p

Maybe people have a different "definition" of FRIEND.. Maybe mine is higher.. I don't go around and get chummy with everyone I know.. In fact, I am quite distant and unapproachable.. However, there has been some improvement to that in the last few years. I realized that I can be sociable and entertaining if I want to. Do take note of the keyword here, "if I want to".. ;) :p

Anyway, once I look upon you as a friend, you will be one forever.. even if we haven't meet up for ages, a friend shall forever be a friend.. even though I know the feeling might not be mutual.. so unless you did something unforgivably wrong/hurtful, you are "stuck" on my list as a friend.. :) I am willing to do anything within my means (and much more) to help and support anyone whom I regards as friend.. so until then, you are either "barely acquainted", "acquaintance/colleague/classmate" or just "potential friend" in my books...

Next fortnight..

When things do happen, they all (seemed) to happen all at once... Luckily, these are all good things.. :) And it's about time too!! :p

Still doing those two freelance jobs.. and recently, a friend asked me to translate her website and her marketing material.. so gonna be pretty busy the next few weeks.. frankly, it has been a long while since I'm REALLY busy.. and frankly, I really do welcome such busyness.. :) :)

Also, the PhD application for Taiwanese Universities for overseas Chinese has just started.. will need to write a 1000-word autobiography (in Chinese) and a research proposal.. dateline is 10 Mar 2011..and since I've already booked my tickets to Kota Kinabalu (and hotel too) in early March, I would need to get everything done by end of February...

so this is really CRUNCH time!! no more procrastinating.. Gambatte!!

Sunday Serenade: Beauty in the world

Good Morning!! What a beautiful Sunday!! :)

Have been hearing this song over the radio for a couple of times.. always liked Macy Gray's voice.. and this song is so positive and upbeat.. after so many devastating catastrophes and depressing news, this is a song that should be played every morning, to remind us that "there is beauty in the world!".


Beauty In The World
written and performed by: Macy Gray

I know you’re fed up
Like a lead up for us
All they talk about is
What is going down?
What’s been messed up for us?
When I look around I see blue skies
I see butterflies for us

Listen to the sound and lose it
Its sweet music and dance with me
There is beauty in the world
So much beauty in the world
Always beauty in the world
So much beauty in the world
Shake your booty boys and girls for the beauty in the world
Pick your diamond pick your pearl there is beauty in the world
All together now

We need more lovin’
We need more money, they say
Change is gonna come
Like the weather
They say forever
They say
When they’re in between
Notice the blue skies
Notice the butterflies
Notice me

Stop and smell the flowers
And lose it the sweet music and dance with me
There is beauty in the world
So much beauty in the world
Always beauty in the world
There is beauty in the world
Shake your booty boys and girls for the beauty in the world
Pick your diamond pick your pearl there is beauty in the world
All together now

Heya throw your hands up and holla
Throw your hands up and holla
When you don’t know what to do
Don’t know if you’ll make it through
Remember god is giving you beauty in the world
So love (Beauty in the world)
Yeah love (Beauty in the world)

There is beauty in the world (Beauty in the world)
Beauty in the world (Beauty in the world)
Shake your booty boys and girls (Boys and Girls)
All the beauty in the world (Beauty in the world)
Pick your diamond pick your pearl (Pick your pearl)
There is beauty in the world (Beauty in the world)
All together now
Yeah love
Yeah love
Oh love
All together now

Hey baby when I’m looking at you
I know it’s fact is true
There is hope for love
There is beauty in the world
Hey baby
Hey baby when I’m looking at you
I know this vibe is true
There’s love
There’s hope for love
There’s beauty in the world

Taking classes *Updates

Okay, after my initial amazement with the website that I've stumbled upon, I later found out that most, if not all these videos are taken from public domain and that there is no infringement of copyright.

In case you are interested, here are some of the links that I've gathered.

Open Culture (has 300 free online courses, from many universities)
Virtual Professors
Online Education Database (another listings of courses, but dated 2007)
Open Yale courses
Harvard University Extension School
MIT Open Courseware
Carnegie Melon's Open Learning Initiative

I have to admit that I am very excited about all the courses available. :) :) :) There is no pre-requisites nor is there any assignments or exams. And sometimes it is better to go for introductory classes to get some basic understanding before dwelling deeper into a subject, especially for topics that are hard/difficult to read on our own...

Seriously, with all these free online courses, anyone with a decent internet connection, lots of self-discipline and a real passion for learning can enrich his/her knowledge without having to enroll in a university. Of course, those who are excited about these free online courses will be those who are contended with (just) learning, minus the "piece of paper" that most people strive for. If you want that "piece of paper", you will have to pay big money for it.. plain and simple..

So to my fellow "classmates", Happy Learning!!



p/s: I am currently "taking" Philosophy - Death. :)

Taking classes

Did I mention before that I like learning? that I like going to (interesting) classes? :)

Recently I stumbled upon a website that hosts videos of open courses/classes from many prestigious universities like Yale, Stanford, Princeton, Cambridge, Oxford and many more. Each sets of videos are actual courses conducted within a semester. Most of them have between 10 to 25 classes (and thus the same number of videos). All the courses are conducted in English. The only catch here is that the website is in Chinese, as you would need to read the titles to find the videos that you interested in.

Frankly, I am pretty amazed at the list of courses available. Course/Class topics ranged from Philosophy to Finance, to Theology, to Programming, to History and many more. Mind you, some of these topics are not purely academic, with the likes of "Profiles in Leadership", "Energy and the Environment" and "Positive Psychology" which can be useful in real life.

I must say that the amount of effort needed to put all these up or just consolidating them in one place for public viewing is enormous. Another amazing thing is that some of these courses have Chinese subtitles. Although they are far from satisfactory, these are still valiant attempts because do bear in mind that all these translations are done voluntary with no remuneration involved.

One very telling sign that I can gather from this is how hungry these (Mainland Chinese) people are for knowledge. Some of these are not easy courses, and most of them are pretty tough especially if the level of English mastery is found wanting. This is when subtitling comes in. When it comes to learning, no one comes close to the "no-nonsense" seriousness of the Chinese.

However, my only complain is that the wait for each video to load is really a pain in the a** with the snail speed of the so-called "broadband" connection in this country. So most of the time, I will download the videos (which will take between a few days to a few weeks) and watch them later.

So, even though we can't go to Oxford, Yale or Harvard, we can still "take" these classes and learn from the best...

p/s: let me know if you need pointers in getting these videos.

Wishes for Brisbane..

Saw the devastating news clips from CNN about the flooding in Brisbane City..

It is so unreal and unbelievable.. I can't help myself but to shed tears when looking at those photos of devastation.. It was one thing to hear and see news about flooding in other smaller (but no less important) cities/towns, but quite another to see the capital city of Queensland (the third-largest city in Australia), one that I've just visited less than 2 years ago, to go underwater! It is beyond words!!

Let me show you a few photos that I've taken when I was there for Christmas in 2009.. and please keep in mind that some of these ground/roads you see in these photos are either submerged under water or have been swept away by the current, or both....

 

I've strolled along the Brisbane River.. visited the Queensland Art Gallery... walked across the Goodwill Bridge where I took these photos.. wandered around South Bank Parklands.. explored Queensland University of Technology's Gardens Point Campus.. and window-shopped around the city center and the CBD area..  Compare these pictures with the ones you see of the flooding.. and this video taken yesterday...  it is just so heartbreaking..

Sadly, not just Australia is suffering from floods, but the Phillipines, Brazil  and Sri Lanka are being crippled by floods too..
 
My thoughts and wishes to all those affected... Stay strong!

一十一

一，十一。。
已，示意。。
易，失意。。
依，实意。。
忆，诗意。。


一月。十一。。
怡悦 、 诗意。。
忆曰 ： 实意。。
益阅 - 释疑。。

11.01

January Eleventh,
Melancholy forgiven...
Duly enlightened...
Joyously emboldened...
Truly heaven...

a member of WWF

Renewed my WWF membership last Dec.. have been a member for quite some time already.. just received my renewal gift a few days ago.. a environmentally friendly 100% recyclable (panda) tote-bag..

A friend of mine in Japan is holding on to another WWF tote-bag for me.. it was my renewal gift for 2009.. that one should have a tiger print.. :) :)

Been doing what I can to help (save) the animals.. like not eating sharks fins..  recycling and reusing as much as possible.. buying animal-friendly products (like dolphin safe tuna or products with Ecolabel) whenever possible.. contributing to WWF.. signing WWF's online petitions to countries/government to urge them to take conservation measures..

The reason why I am into saving animals is that they are defenseless against us humans.. they can't tell us that they are suffering.. they can't go out and protest bad/deteriorating  "living conditions".. They just died.. silently.. The recent mass bird deaths are making (some) people sit up and take notice.. whether those were caused by diseases, bad weather or fireworks, one thing is for sure, at least in my mind, that we humans have a hand in all these.. one way or another..

My stand is that we should be THE protector of all living organisms on this planet, not destroyer.. It is one thing to relegate old technologies to the realm of antiques, quite another to (knowingly or otherwise) force, even just one, species into extinction. Unfortunately, humans are driving extinction faster than species can evolve.. as much as I love zoos, except for the one in Ueno, Japan, I don't want to know that several decades later, zoo is the only place to see real (live) animals..

naik lagi?!!

Ten cents here.. twenty cents more there.. very soon, your MYR$1 can't buy sh*t anymore.. just like people don't pick up 50 cent coins on the road nowadays..

Again, the government "sneakily" raised the price of the petroleum a couple of nights ago.. but I think the citizens are kinda "immune" to all these.. unlike the undergrads in UK who protested against the 300% hike in their tuition, we Msians are taking in (way too) calmly.. because the government is slowly increasing the heat of the water we are in.. a few percents here, a couple more there, we won't notice until it is too late... by the time we finally realized that we are in hot water, we are dead meat already!

And did you notice that there are more news about people being charged for corruptions?? Did you notice that the amount are ridiculously small?? Like a couple of thousands or tens of thousands?? And did you see the faces of those who are found guilty?? They are smiling at the camera!!! It is like they are putting up a show to the public - "See! We do punish people who take bribes or are corrupted!".

Frankly, all these remind me of those HK triad movies.. in which triad bosses would always have people to take the fall (aka get caught, found guilty and sent to jail) so that the bosses can be scot-free and continue to do whatever illegal businesses they are in. These fall guys will be taken care of, they or their family will be given a huge token sum as the "compensation" for taking the fall..  How would we know that those fella who were found guilty by our courts aren't fall guys? They could be paid (by their "bosses") many times more than the amount that they actually took to take the fall so that their "bosses" may look good/credible to the public.

So again, like I have said before, the country is going to the dogs.. this government  is fattening its own personal coffers by bankrupting the country.. and they couldn't care less if the people are suffering.. all they need to do is to throw some money around when election comes and all will be theirs for the taking again.. They like to launch big projects that never materialize or failed to reach its initial purposes. They like to give speeches that are just "shiok sendiri" (translated as doing something entirely for one's own enjoyment and pleasure) with nothing to back them up. When (bad) things happen, they will feign emotions, give all sorts of excuses, blame everyone (but themselves) and threaten actions that are never taken. This is all a show that is getting old and boring.

A recent report stated that Singapore's 2010 GDP is forecast to reach 15%!! And the Bolehland? Maybe 5 or 6 percent.. of course, all is not rosy in the Lion City with the middle classes and the poor suffering from the mass "importing" of "foreign talents".. Yet I have more confidence in their government than ours when it comes to getting the country ahead in the global market and in taking care of its citizens.

However, I must admit that life in the Lion City isn't a walk in the park, it is way too pressurizing and competitive to actually have any quality of life, unless one is top earners of the society. Companies there prefer to employ foreigners than local because they are cheaper (without the need to pay them CPF which amounted to 15% of the employee's gross salary) and more willing to work extra. The only way to get a job there (and anywhere in the world for that matter) is to ask for the lowest pay, work the longest hours, stay in the smallest house and eat/use the cheapest! For those who are interested in finding out the harsh reality of living in the Lion City, check out this site.

So it is a tug-of-war between two "evils".. to stay in a country where the government treats you like a 2nd or 3rd class citizen, corrupts and misuses public funds, where rules and laws are not upheld but you are able to live cheaply and enjoy work-life balance if you choose to? or to move to a country where its government fulfills its duty to its people (a bit too well), where everything is transparent and clean, and you feel safe but you have to work like a dog to pay all the bills and will never be able to take things easy?

Maybe it is time to seek out a third option...


*"naik lagi" means raise again in Malay.

so on those 12 days of Christmas..

Thus... all together now...

On the 12th day of Christmas my true said to me...

From now onwards, I shall "Feel" more and think less..

I am glad that I had a part in the "Times of Your Life"..

I shall forever remember the "The Way We Were"..

I believe somewhere "Over the Rainbow" lie the things I am looking for..

I know I "Can't Fight the Moonlight" thus I shall embrace it..
 
I will be "Searchin' My Soul" and be true to myself..

To "Change the World" I need to change myself first..

I am "The Rose" and I know not everyone knows how to appreciate me...

I shall not shed anymore "Tears" for someone who doesn't deserves it..

It might take "Longer" than usual, but I will get to my destination eventually..

I shall "Let It Go" for I am looking forward for new hopes and possibilities..

And I believe that you will need to "Love Yourself" cos if you don't, no one else will..

12th Day: Feel

On the 12th day of Christmas my true love told me to "FEEL" (by Robbie Williams).

Love this song by Robbie Williams.. like the intensity when he sang out the chorus...

"I just wanna feel real love,
Feel the home that I live in.
’cause I got too much life,
Running through my veins, going to waste."

Think I'll practice this song for my next karaoke session.. :)


Feel
written by Robbie Williams and Guy Chambers

Come on hold my hand,
I wanna contact the living.
Not sure I understand,
This role I’ve been given.

I sit and talk to god
And he just laughs at my plans,
My head speaks a language, I don’t understand.

(chorus)
I just wanna feel real love,
Feel the home that I live in.
’cause I got too much life,
Running through my veins, going to waste.

I don’t wanna die,
But I ain’t keen on living either.
Before I fall in love,
I’m preparing to leave her.
I scare myself to death,
That’s why I keep on running.
Before I’ve arrived, I can see myself coming.

(chorus)

And I need to feel, real love
And a life ever after.
I cannot get enough.

(chorus)

I just wanna feel real love,
In a life ever after
There’s a hole in my soul,
You can see it in my face, it’s a real big place.

Come and hold my hand,
I wanna contact the living,
Not sure I understand,
This role I’ve been given

Not sure I understand.
Not sure I understand.
Not sure I understand.
Not sure I understand.

11th Day: Times of Your Life

On the 11th day of Christmas my true love told me to remember "TIMES OF YOUR LIFE" (by Joanna Wang, 王若琳).

Like the lyrics of this song very much.. Do YOU remember the times of your life? I hope I am able to keep them, good ones and bad ones, with me till the end..


Times of Your Life
written by NICHOLS ROGER S,LANE BILL

Good morning, yesterday
You wake up and time has slipped away
And suddenly it's hard to find
The memories you left behind
Remember, do you remember

The laughter and the tears
The shadows of misty yesteryears
All the good times and the bad you've seen
And all the others in between
Remember, do you remember
The times of your life (do you remember)

Reach back for the joy and the sorrow
Put them away in your mind
The mem'ries are time that you borrow
To spend when you get to tomorrow

Here comes the saddest part (comes the saddest part)
The seasons are passing one by one
So gather moments while you may
Collect the dreams you dream today
Remember, will you remember
The times of your life

Gather moments while you may
Collect the dreams you dream today
Remember, will you remember
The times of your life
Of your life
Of your life

Do you remember, baby
Do you remember the times of your life
Do you remember, baby
Do you remember the times of your life

10th Day: The Way We Were

On the 10th day of Christmas my true love said to me "THE WAY WE WERE" (by Babra Streisand).

This song is 1 year older than me, yet classics like this never goes out of fashion. Never watched the movie, as I am not one who like to watch love stories. Yet this song never fails to invoke that sense of melancholy every time I listen to it..and so far no one comes close to Babra Streisand in bringing out the essence of the song.

Here is a toast to the way we were!!


The Way We Were
Lyrics:A.Bergman/M.Bergman 
Music:M.Hamlish

Memories
Like the corners of my mind
Misty watercolor memories
Of the way we were

Scattered pictures
Of the smiles we left behind
Smiles we gave to one another
For the way we were

Can it be that it was all so simple then
Or has time rewritten every line
If we had the chance to do it all again
Tell me - Would we? Could we?

Memories
May be beautiful and yet
What's too painful to remember
We simply to choose to forget

So it is the laughter
We will remember
Whenever we remember
The way we were

So it is the laughter
We will remember
Whenever we remember
The way we were

fourth day... and a month away..

so fast.. it is already the 4th day of the year.. and less than a month away before Chinese New Year.. :x

Anyway, after last year's prep I, prep II and prep III, my dad decided not to do any home improvements this year, although I do want to paint the fences and repaint the main gate.. so all that is left to be done is the annual spring cleaning.. which I think I will start maybe next week.. And my sis might be able to get a few days leave end of this month so we might make love letters (kuih kapit) for Chinese New Year..

Another thing I need to start will be my research proposal.. I have been procrastinating for far too long.. and add to the fact that my old laptop died, taking with it all my Masters reports and papers, I will need to "rebuild" my repository of academic papers/journals..

I've just booked my accommodation for my Kota Kinabalu trip early Mar.. not going to climb Mt Kinabalu, instead I will be spending some time checking out KK city and the beaches nearby.. and I am still undecided about my Bangkok trip as the money that I've allocated for it has been used to get a replacement laptop.. so I would need to re-do my sums and see if I could afford it or not..

Oh ya.. because of that lightning, I had to get a new modem as the old modem died too.. but luckily, the drama season in US was having its Christmas-New Year break, so I was kinda "deprived" of my usual TV fix.. now suffering from drama withdrawal... hopefully I can get my fix soon..

9th Day: Over the Rainbow

On the 9th day of Christmas my true love said to me (Somewhere) "OVER THE RAINBOW" (by GLEE).

Season 1 of GLEE was one of the best, and this song was sang during the season finale. I like the way the song was rearranged but the lyrics remain. :)

"..the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true.."



Over the Rainbow
Lyrics:E.Yip Harburg 
Music:Harold Arlen
Somewhere over the rainbow, way up high
There's a land that I heard of once in a lullaby
Somewhere over the rainbow, skies are blue
And the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true

Someday I'll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where troubles melt like lemon drops
Away above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me

Somewhere over the rainbow, bluebirds fly
Birds fly over the rainbow
Why then, oh why can't I?
If happy little bluebirds fly beyond the rainbow
Why, oh why can't I?

8th Day: Can't Fight the Moonlight

On the 8th day of Christmas my true love said to me, "CAN'T FIGHT THE MOONLIGHT" (by LeAnn Rimes).

Coyote Ugly was a fun and entertaining movie.. just love the bar top dancing scenes.. and that kinda "liberalized" the pub scenes in SG, if I remembered clearly.. and some pubs even hired "Coyotes" to dance on bartops to attract customerrs.. too bad I wasn't much of a pub-crawler.. :p

Enjoy!

Can't Fight the Moonlight
written by Diane Warren

Under a lover's sky
Gonna be with you
And no one's gonna be around
If you think that you won't fall
Well just wait until, 'till the sun goes down
Underneath the starlight starlight
There's a magical feeling so right
It will steal your heart tonight

**You can try to resist
Try to hide from my kiss
But you know, but you know
That you, can't fight the moonlight
Deep in the dark you'll surrender your heart
Don't you know, don't you know
That you, can't fight the moonlight,
No you can't fight it
It's gonna get to your heart

There's no escaping love
Once a gentle breeze (once a gentle breeze)
Sweeps it's spell upon your heart
And no matter what you think
It won't be to long
'Till your in my arms
Underneath the starlight starlight
We'll be lost in the rhythm so right
Feel steal your heart tonight

You can try to resist
Try to hide from my kiss
But you know, but you know
That you, can't fight the moonlight
Deep in the dark you'll surrender your heart
Don't you know, don't you know
That you, can't fight the moonlight,
No you can't fight it
No matter what you do
The night is gonna get to you.

(Your gonna know)
(That I know)
Don't try you're never gonna win

Underneath the starlight starlight
There's a magical feeling so right
It will steal your heart tonight

Repeat **

7th Day: Searchin my Soul

On the 7th day of Christmas my true love said to me, "SEARCHIN MY SOUL" (by Vonda Shepard).

Anyone still remember the show, "Ally McBeal"?
Well, it was one of my favorite TV shows.. the TV soundtrack album was one of the few original CD's that I actually bought.. ;) and this song was my "pick-me-up" back then..  I just love the lyrics as it resonated with me.. and now, more than ever, it speaks to me and of my current struggles..

"Oh I believe I am ready for what love has to give
Got myself together now I'm ready to live"



Searchin My Soul
Written by Vonda Shepard with additional lyrics by Paul Gordon


I've been down this road walkin' the line
That's painted by pride
And I have made mistakes in my life
That I just can't hide

Oh I believe I am ready for what love has to bring
Got myself together, now I'm ready to sing

I've been searchin' my soul tonight
I know there's so much more to life
Now I know I can shine a light
To find my way back home

One by one, the chains around me unwind
Every day now I feel that I can leave those years behind
Oh I've been thinking of you for a long time
There's a side of my life where I've been blind and so...

I've been searchin' my soul tonight
I know there's so much more to life
Now I know I can shine a light
Everything gonna be alright
I've been searchin' my soul tonight
Don't wanna be alone in life
Now I know I can shine a light
To find my way back home
Baby I been holding back now my whole life
I've decided to move on now
Gonna leave all my worries behind

Oh I believe I am ready for what love has to give
Got myself together now I'm ready to live

I've been searchin' my soul tonight
I know there's so much more to life
Now I know I can shine a light
Everything gonna be alright
I've been searchin' my soul tonight
Don't wanna be alone in my life
Now I know I can shine a light
To find my way back home

Have a blessed 2011..

Happy New Year Everyone!

What a year 2010 was.. At least for me, it was a eventful year.. eventful in a not-so nice way.. most of my plans fell through.. I was stuck in a small town with no friends.. I was jobless for more 9 months.. I was feeling like shit/loser..

yet if I looked at all these from another angle - I am with my family for the longest ever since I went to SG to study more than 15 years ago, I am here for my sister now, helping her to cope with her job as a trainee doctor when I wasn't there while she was growing up, I did several ad hoc translation jobs and am now working freelance as a translator..

so it is really the way we look at things that decides how we feel.. this is one lesson that I've learned the hard way in 2010.. I was feeling sorry for myself and all the self-doubts was clouding my perspective.. It was a vicious downward spiral which I finally got out of..

Also for this year, I've decided to NOT set any new year resolutions. What is the point of setting targets which I know I won't be able (or have the motivation) to achieve. Year in, year out, these resolutions remains just that, a resolution. For this year, I shall give myself the benefit of the doubt and just list out 3 general wishes:

1. Be Happy.
I will try to be as true to myself as I possibly can, without hurting anyone. And I know for me to be happy, I need to leave this country. Although I do still love this birth place of mine, I cannot live here.. The lifestyle here is not what I want. I don't want to worry about my safety and security every single minute. I don't want my tax money to go to a corrupted government or cronies. I don't want to be told that I am not a "citizen" of the country because I have a different skin color or I don't believe in their god. I don't want to own a car. I can be happy inside my head, but I need to the external environment to match my expectation too.

2. Be Healthy.
I will take better care of my body. After having a health scare and an accident late last year made me realized the abuse that I have been subjecting my body to. I will be reaching the big four-zero in a couple of years, so it is time to take good care of my body, especially if I am gonna leave this country this year. The last thing I want is for my parents to be worried about me when I am overseas. So I shall continue to drink that super juice (which is making my skin glow! :p), watch what I eat, have a normal sleeping pattern and do more exercise at home.

3. Be Financially stable.
I will continue to find more freelance translation jobs or get a perm job overseas this year. If I could get into a PhD program this year, then I will continue with my freelancing, else I would look for a perm job either in SG or TW. I have been financially independent for the past 11 years so it was tough not bringing any pay check home for more than 9 months last year. Yet, it gave me a chance to figure out what are the things I really need and what are the things I can do without. So now I know what I can live with/without.

Truthfully, I am grateful for 2010, although I wished it hasn't been so tough/frustrating/demoralizing but I guess Life has a funny way of showing us who we really are, especially during tough and difficult times... I am not saying that I am now invisible/indestructible, but I gained a little insight into my own psyche.

So in a way, 2010 was a year that I had to take a good hard look at myself, what I am doing and where I am heading. I sure hope that 2011 will the year where I am making the first move to actually go/achieve what I am supposed to. ;)