既然來了。。

當你真正地置身在自己期望並盤算已久的“計劃”時，你知道你唯有向前看。。
因為你已經踏出了最艱難的第一步。。

腳步邁開了，膽子也隨之變大了。。

未來將會面對和必須解決的阻礙和挫折是不可能少的。
可是為了讓自己的生命不留白不后悔，我也只好硬著頭皮、按奈著內心的不安和恐懼，拼了！

也許會遍體鱗傷、得不償失，我還是要賭一把。。
也許會千瘡百孔、一無所得，我依然要試一試。。

所以既然來了，就拼一下吧！


Wrote this in Chinese, so below is the English translation:

When you're finally living the dream that you've been wishing and planning for so long, you know you could only look forward.. You've overcome the most difficult hurdle of inaction when you took that first step..

Once you've found your pace, nothing seems insurmountable..
 
No doubt I'll face endless complications and obstacles in the days to come, yet in order to not have any regrets and remorse in my Life, I will have to put aside my fears and insecurities, and forge ahead..

Though I might be bruised and scarred, or lost more than I gain, I am willing to take a chance..
Though I might be broken and shattered, or lost everything I have, I would still want to give it a try..

Since I'm already here, I shall soldier on!!

Joe's place

Been staying at Joe's place since I got off the plane last Wednesday..

It is situated very close to downtown in Xinyi District.. within walking distance to Taipei 101, Eslite Bookstore, Xin Kong Mitsukoshi and Xinyi New Life Square.. there is many amenities nearby.. convenient stores, restaurants, street hawkers, etc.. 

Here is the view from his living room..

A view of Taipei 101..

The apartment itself has 3 bedroom, a living room, kitchen, a shared toilet/bathroom.. it has balconies in front and at the back.. the building is old.. more than 20 years, I think... it has a "typical" bachelor pad feel to it.. not much furniture but has a big 42" flat-screen TV, nice stereos, game stations, etc..

I didn't want to take photos of the place as I think it is rude to "showcase" other people's house.. as spartan as it is, it is more than enough for me as I just need a bed and an internet connection.. :p

Sunday Serenade: born this way

Lots of controversies surrounding this song and this music video.. whether one agrees with what the song portrays, one cannot deny the fact that it is a very catchy song..

In a way, it gives a voice to those who can't speak or stand for themselves.. to those who were discriminate against.. to those who can't change who they are.. as we are all "Born This Way"..


Born this way
Intro:
It doesn't matter if you love him, or capital H-I-M
Just put your paws up
'Cause you were born this way, baby

Verse:
My mama told me when I was young
We are all born superstars
She rolled my hair and put my lipstick on
In the glass of her boudoir
"There's nothin wrong with lovin who you are"
She said, "'cause he made you perfect, babe"
"So hold your head up girl and you'll go far,
Listen to me when I say"

Chorus:
I'm beautiful in my way
'Cause God makes no mistakes
I'm on the right track baby
I was born this way
Don't hide yourself in regret
Just love yourself and you're set
I'm on the right track baby
I was born this way

Post-chorus:
Ooo there ain't no other way
Baby I was born this way
Baby I was born this way
(Born this way)
Ooo there ain't no other way
Baby, I was born this way
Right track baby
I was born this way

Don't be a drag - just be a queen
Don't be a drag - just be a queen
Don't be a drag - just be a queen
Don't be!

Verse:
Give yourself prudence
And love your friends
Subway kid, rejoice your truth
In the religion of the insecure
I must be myself, respect my youth
A different lover is not a sin
Believe capital H-I-M (hey hey hey)
I love my life I love this record and
Mi amore vole fe yah (love needs faith)

Repeat chorus + post-chorus

Bridge:
Don't be a drag, just be a queen
Whether you're broke or evergreen
You're black, white, beige, chola descent
You're lebanese, you're orient
Whether life's disabilities
Left you outcast, bullied, or teased
Rejoice and love yourself today
'Cause baby you were born this way
No matter gay, straight, or bi,
Lesbian, transgendered life
I'm on the right track baby
I was born to survive
No matter black, white or beige
Chola or orient made
I'm on the right track baby
I was born to be brave

Repeat chorus + post-chorus

Outro/refrain:
I was born this way hey!
I was born this way hey!
I'm on the right track baby
I was born this way hey!

I was born this way hey!
I was born this way hey!
I'm on the right track baby
I was born this way hey!




Have a great week ahead!! Stay healthy and cheery!!

In Taiwan

My first post from Taipei.. :) Should have written this earlier, but couldn't find the motivation... cos seriously, nothing much to report for now.. but here's the summary..

24 Aug
Touched down Taoyuan International Airport around 10pm.. took around 20 min to clear custom.. waited for around the same time for my luggage.. didn't manage to get a pre-paid card cos the shop had closed.. took a bus to Taipei City Hall Station and walked to my friend's house.. went around hunting for public phone that could make international calls but didn't.. dropped a message in FB to my sis instead.. bought some food and drinks from the nearby convenient store.. finally settled in for the night around 2am..

25 Aug
Woke up many times during the night due to gastric pain.. went out in search of food around 10:30am.. had my first hot meal in 18 hours.. wanted to open a bank account with a local bank, but can't as I don't have the Alien Resident Certificate (ARC).. can't subscribe to a mobile phone either, not even a pre-paid card.. took out some cash using my SG bank ATM card.. bought a book after wondering around Eslite for more than an hour.. went home and just watch TV..

26 Aug
My scars hurts while my gastric pain comes and goes.. went out around 11am.. ate in Yoshinoya (kinda miss it after coming back from Japan).. drew some money using my MY bank ATM card.. didn't stay out much as it was freaking hot (it is summer after all).. surfed the Internet for more info about ARC, my Uni and my department, and of course looking at rental classified ads online.. made a mad dash to the National Immigration Agency and found out that I need a permanent address to get my ARC..

27 Aug
Having a mild diarrhea.. could be the mixed vegetable rice I had last night or my gastric is turning into a stomach flu... :(  it is a rainy and cloudy day.. going out to meet a friend later.. she offered to get me a pre-paid card so I can call up the landlords to arrange for viewing easily.. I think I will take the rest of the day off after that meeting..

No real concrete plan for the next few days, except to look for an apartment asap.. weather forecast doesn't look good.. expecting cloudy days and lots of rain next week.. 

So that's all from me for now.. I might write more when I find the mood.. :)

Poetry Solace: Of preaching and practice

One last poem from Ella Wheeler Wilcox..

Preaching Vs Practice

It is easy to sit in the sunshine

And talk to the man in the shade;

It is easy to float in a well-trimmed boat,

And point out the places to wade.

But once we pass into the shadows,

We murmur and fret and frown,

And, our length from the bank, we shout for a plank,

Or throw up our hands and go down.

It is easy to sit in your carriage,

And counsel the man on foot,

But get down and walk, and you'll change your talk,

As you feel the peg in your boot.

It is easy to tell the toiler

How best he can carry his pack,

But no one can rate a burden's weight

Until it has been on his back.

The up-curled mouth of pleasure,

Can prate of sorrow's worth,

But give it a sip, and a wryer lip,

Was never made on earth.

Have a great weekend! My first weekend in Taiwan.. :)

Tarot readings... VIII

On the verge of moving to Taiwan, I've decided to do a reading earlier.. so here goes.. :)
Note that all pictures of tarot cards are from http://phpbb-tw.net/phpbb/thoth/ and there is no intention of infringing any copyright.
所有的塔罗图片都采自竹猫星球塔罗馆 （http://phpbb-tw.net/phpbb/thoth)，本部落并无意侵犯版权。


對 單身運勢 進行占卜，結果為：
Pertaining your luck in : Relationships (for Singles)

現狀 Current Situation: 惡魔 [Devil]

這張牌表示，你的異性緣一向很多，但以爛桃花居多，你常常愛上不該愛的人，再把自己搞得心力交瘁，現在可能又陷入一段尷尬的關係了。
You have good rapport and good attractions, but mostly with people that aren't good. You tend to fall in love with the wrong person and are often exhausted.

問題 Problem: 皇帝 [The Emperor]

可能因為你太過於獨立，習慣自己掌握主導權，如果有人對你示好，你通常是反應遲鈍的，有時趕跑了一些人還渾然不覺。
Maybe because you are overly independent, used to being in-charge. If someone profess their feelings, you tend to not be aware of it and sometimes you might have even chase them away without knowing.

建議 Suggestion: 慾 [Lust]

與其窮追猛打的示愛，不如用溫和的方式，常常出現在他身邊，讓他習慣有你的存在；也或許是，你接下來的情人會是常常找你說心事的朋友。
Rather than going after the person with all you have, why don't you try a softer approach. Try to be around him/her more often and let him/her get used to having you around. Who knows your next lover might be the person who asked you out often to chat.



對 健康運勢 進行占卜，結果為：
Pertaining your luck in: Health:

現狀 Current Situation: 月亮 [The Moon]

你的體質較敏感，容易有藥癮或酒癮，個性太過容易擔憂跟煩惱，很容易引發一些心理上的問題，或是身體上的慢性病，又拖延治療時機，造成身體更大的傷害跟後續問題。
Your body is sensitive and thus might easily get addicted to drugs or alcohol. You tend to worry too much and that might cause some psychological problems. Or you might have some ailments and delay from seeking treatment. This will cause major problems.

問題 Problem : 塔 [Tower]

你的身體可能以前曾經有過重大的傷害，或是有過比較傷元氣的病痛、殘缺，目前狀況在控制內，但這些曾經有過的狀況，都需要花較久的時間跟很多金錢來徹底復元。
Your body might have suffered from major trauma or illness recently. Although it is under control now, you would need to spend more time and money to fully recover.


建議 Suggestion: 永恆 [The Aeon]

這張牌代表你要推翻自己以往的保健模式，如果你是以運動為主，就應該多看看其他食物療法，如果之前都是吃保健食品，但現在也許應該試試按摩或其他外用的療法。
This card shows that you need to revamp your old health habits. If you tend to exercise more, you might need to find out more about dieting. If you used to take lots of health supplements, you might need to check out massages or other external healing methods.




對 人際運勢 進行占卜，結果為：
Pertaining your luck in : Human Relationships

現狀 Current Situation: 塔 [Tower]

最近跟朋友有很嚴重的意見不合，或是有外來的影響，打壞了你們之間的和諧，過去累積起來的友誼倍受考驗。
Recently you might have some disagreement with your friends, or external factors are causing a great rift between you, severely testing the friendship that you've built all these years.

問題 Problem: 女教皇 [The Priestess]

在朋友群中，你比較不是愛跟一堆人玩鬧瞎攪和的那種人，喜歡看書、做自己的事，但因此會有些朋友覺得妳冷淡或無趣。
Among friends, you are one who dislike mindless ramblings and time wasting with a whole bunch of people. You like to read book or do your own thing which might cause some friends to perceive you as being cold or uninteresting.

建議 Suggestion: 藝術 [Art]

關心不是光靠嘴巴講講就可以，如果真的想有知心的朋友，就試著也去接觸對方的喜好，不能總是要求朋友配合你。
You shouldn't just talk about showing concern and empathy. If you really want to find real friends, you would need to make the move to get to know them. You can't expect friends to be always accommodating you all the time.




對 財　　運 進行占卜，結果為：
Pertaining your luck in: Wealth:

現狀 Current Situation: 女教皇 [The Priestess]

談到錢，你不是那種狂熱的投機份子，對錢的態度非常謹慎，就算想要多賺錢，也會從專業的金融投資工具考慮起，並且還沒研究到專精絕不輕易出手。
With regards to money, you are not a crazy risk taker. You are very careful with your money. Even when you want to make more money, you will start from financial tools and will not get involved unless you've understood the risks involved.

問題 Problem: 皇帝 [The Emperor]

你的金錢來源太過單一，沒有多方投資以分散風險，固定開銷也過高，導致財源一旦出問題，生活就會全面的受到影響。
You are too dependent on a single source of income and don't have multiple investment to minimize the risks. Your fixed expenditures are too high thus affecting all aspects of your life once that source of income is jeopardized.


建議 Suggestion: 塔 [The Tower]

你越小心翼翼算每一分錢，就越是有狀況要讓你失去；反正也留不住多少，你乾脆認養貧童或是定期捐款，讓錢去到真正該去的地方。
The more careful you are with every dollar that you have, the higher the chances that you will lose it. Since you can't save much, why don't you just adopt a needy kid or donate regularly, let the money go where it can make a big difference.

these past 700 days.

It was really a roller-coaster ride these past 700 days..

I had so many plans.. most fell through.. many due to external factors, while some were internal.. I had plenty of highs and lows, ups and downs.. I went through all kinds of negative emotions - frustration, anger, disappointment, aimlessness, sadness, self-pity, self-doubt, anxiety and depression.. in the end, I sorta managed to slay these internal demons or at least keep them at bay..

I was getting the hang of being alone.. as I've become a "hermit" of sort.. didn't meet up with most of my friends as we've drifted apart, regardless of location.. most who came back have moved on with their new lives, with few seemed willing to make time to catch-up, face-to-face.. we are still "connected" via FB but it just doesn't feel the same.. some friends are just "friends"....

I had an operation..  experienced the helplessness and vulnerability of being a patient.. felt the TLC of my family, especially my sis.. realized many things with health being more important than most things in life.. I came to the conclusion that I don't want to go back into the rat race..

Yet looking back, I have no regrets for staying at home these past 700 days as the best gift that I've received is that I get to be with my sis for more than 22 months.. I am glad that I was there for her when she was adapting to working life.. providing her with a listening ear, supportive shoulders and an open heart.. I was happy being her keeper.. We had wonderful times together.. baking and cooking, traveling (to Pangkor and Singapore), shopping, dining out and just hanging out..

I am very sure that I am gonna miss my sis tons and the most.. :(  :(  :(

Tomorrow afternoon, I shall be taking a flight to my new destination.. with so much expectation riding on this, I am worried that I might get disappointed.. yet, I know that it is entirely up to me to make sure that doesn't happen..

whirlwind 28hrs

Went to KL to collect my visa last Friday.. it was a crazy 28 hrs.. :)

rows of curtains.. upper and lower berths..

Took a night train to KL.. boarded to the train at 1:10am.. instead of the normal seats, I paid MYR$40 for a lower sleeping berth..

The entire cabin has 40 berths, with curtains to provide privacy.. those sleeping on the top berths will need to use the metal ladders (shown in the foreground of the photo) to go up.. they were slightly narrower than the lower berths.. The lights were never switch off, so it is kinda safe..





I was able to catch some close eyes as the shaking and rocking of the train was like a baby rocker, rhythmically rocking me to sleep.. :)

my lower berth.. came with a pillow and a thin bed sheet cover

Reached KL Sentral before 7am... Took a train on the KL Transit Line to Bandar Tasik Selatan station (for MYR$4.20) and changed to the Ampang Line to Sri Petaling station.. waited for slightly more than an hour there for my aunt to pick me up at 8:30am..

We went to a open-air market to get some groceries for lunch and dinner.. reach her house before 9:30am.. bath and freshen up a bit.. then I helped her with some prep for our lunch and continue chit-chatting till 1:30pm.. Cooked and had our lunch around 2pm..

Took a quick bath and my aunt then sent me to Sri Petaling station to catch the train to town.. Took the train to Hang Tuah station, then change to the KL Monorail Line to get to Bukit Bintang station.. Once there, I had to walk about 15 minutes to get to Menara Yayasan Tun Razak to collect my visa.. it was a fairly quick and straightforward collection process..

Bandar Tasik Selatan station..

One last business of the day -> food time!! I had made a dinner appointment with one of my ex-housemates from Japan.. :)  Since she works in Putrajaya, I took the train from Bukit Bintang station to Hang Tuah station to Bandar Tasik Selatan station and then changed to KL Transit Line to get to Putrajaya station..

My dear friend came to pick me up at the station and we went to a nice posh restaurant in Alamanda for buka puasa.. :) she just got married recently, and although I did attend her wedding, I didn't get to talk much with her.. so this provided the perfect opportunity to talk and have good food.. :)

We had a great time catching up.. we shared whatever news that we had of our friends, including those who are still in Japan.. we talked about work (or rather she did).. we also lamented about how friends drifted apart.. how some friends seemed unwilling to put in effort to keep in touch.. how some friends continued being annoying even when we rarely see each other.. how our lives have changed since coming back from Japan.. etc. etc. etc..

We gossiped, joked, commiserated, laughed and shared.. It would have been perfect if another housemate has turned up.. well, we can't have everything our ways, can we? We left the restaurant around 8:30pm.. window-shopped for a while till slightly after 9pm.. I had wanted to take the train to KL Sentral, but being a dear friend she is, she offered to drive me to KL Sentral to catch my 11pm train..

Thus, we continued our chatting in the car on the way to the train station.. it was about an hours' drive.. the traffic was light at that time so we got there without much hassle..

Boarded the train 10 minutes before 11pm.. I was so tired that I slept (in my lower berth) almost immediately after the train departed from the station.. woke up around 4am as I was worried that I might overslept and miss my station.. I was overly worried.. in actual fact, the train conductor would come around informing (and waking up) those passengers when the train is approaching their station..

My sis came to pick me up.. so an hour later, I was sleeping comfortably on my own bed, catching up on my sleep..

Thus end my very fruitful KL trip... :) :)

Sunday Serenade: we'll be alright

Staying in Eusoff Hall (within campus) was one of the many fond memories I have of NUS.. although I was never a party animal, I used to stay up late and hang-out with friends until the wee hours.. I could 'survive' with minimal sleep, unlike now.. :x

Anyway, this song is a tribute to my "lost" youth - a party song for a lazy Sunday morning.. :)


We'll be Alright
performed by Travie McCoy

We are young, we run free
Stay up late, we don't sleep
Got our friends, got the night
We'll be alright

Tonight you won't be by your self-self
Just leave your problems on the shelf-shelf
You won't wanna be nowhere else-else
So let's go, so let's go (we got the club like)

(hoo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo) and all the girls sayin'
(hoo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo) the whole world sayin'
(hoo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo) yeah, yeah, come on let's
Get drunk, toast it up, we don't give a fuck

We are young, we run free
Stay up late, we don't sleep
Got our friends, got the night
We'll be alright

Throw our hands in the air
Pretty girls everywhere
Got our friends, got the night
We'll be alright

(hoo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo) alright, alright, alright
(hoo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo) ah, ah, ah, ah
(hoo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo) alright, alright, alright
(hoo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo) ah, ah, ah, ah

We walk the streets like we don't care-care
Our middle fingers in the air-air
So come and join us if you dare-dare
Yeah let's go, yeah let's go (we got the club like)

(hoo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo) and all the girls sayin'
(hoo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo) the whole world sayin'
(hoo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo) yeah, yeah, come on let's
Get drunk, toast it up, we don't give a fuck

We are young, we run free
Stay up late, we don't sleep
Got our friends, got the night
We'll be alright

Throw our hands in the air
Pretty girls everywhere
Got our friends, got the night
We'll be alright

It feels like, ahh-ah-ah-ah-ah
(It feels good, don't it?) ahh-ah-ah-ah-ah
(yo, yo, yeah, d-don't it?) yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
(yeah) We'll be alright (ahh!)

It feels like, ahh-ah-ah-ah-ah
(It feels good, don't it?) ahh-ah-ah-ah-ah
(yo, yo, yeah, d-don't it?) yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
(yeah) We'll be alright (uh-huh, ha-ha)

We are young, we run free
Stay up late, we don't sleep
Got our friends, got the night
We'll be alright

Throw our hands in the air
(ahh-ah-ah-ah-ah)
Pretty girls everywhere
(ahh-ah-ah-ah-ah)
Got our friends, got the night
(yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
We'll be alright





Have a great week ahead!! Stay safe and healthy!!

Poetry Solace: Of paying and the way

2 more poems from Ella Wheeler Wilcox that I liked..

Does it pay?
If one poor burdened toiler o’er life’s road,
Who meets us by the way,
Goes on less conscious of his galling load,
Then life, indeed, does pay.

If we can show the troubled heart the gain
That lies always in loss,
Why, then, we too are paid for all the pain
Of bearing life’s hard cross.

If some despondent soul to hope is stirred,
Some sad lip made to smile,
By any act of ours, or any word,
Then, life has been worth while.

The Way of It

This is the way of it, wide world over,

One is beloved, and one is the lover,

One gives and the other receives.

One lavishes all in a wild emotion,

One offers a smile for a life’s devotion,

One hopes and the other believes,

One lies awake in the night to weep,

And the other drifts off in a sweet sound sleep.

One soul is aflame with a godlike passion,

One plays with love in an idler’s fashion,

One speaks and the other hears.

One sobs, ‘I love you, ’ and wet eyes to show it,

And one laughs lightly, and says, ‘I know it, ’

With smiles for the other’s tears.

One lives for the other and nothing beside,

And the other remembers the world is wide.

This is the way of it, sad earth over,

The heart that breaks is the heart of the lover,

And the other learns to forget.

‘For what is the use in endless sorrow?

Though the sun goes down, it will rise tomorrow;

And life is not over yet.’

Oh! I know this truth, if I know no other,

That passionate Love is Pain’s own mother.

Have a great weekend!

surgical voyage: 5th week update

Life has indeed gone back to normal.. almost... around 95%..

The scars no longer hurt, unless I do strenuous exercise or lift heavy objects (I did both, that's why I know they WILL cause pain :( ).. My right ear no longer feels like a fake prosthetic but some stiffness remain..

I can eat anything I want now, but I still refrain from having too much seafood.. Carl's Jr burgers or Subway sandwiches no longer pose a problem for me.. :p

Now I can sleep on my right side and turn my head completely to the right.. :) I can feel the tightness (of the muscles/scars) when I do that but nothing I can't handle..

Nonetheless, I will continue to keep that (operated) area clean and dry.. I will continue to apply the antiseptic gel given to prevent infection after shower.. and I will continue to take the prescribed Vit. B complex pills to facilitate the recovery of my facial nerve..

Also, I will be looking for scar removal cream when I get to Taiwan.. although very seldom do people notice my scars unless I mentioned it... Frankly, I do think that the scars kinda gave me a "bad-ass" persona.... hahahaha...  :p 

bundle of e

I am a bundle of emotions now...

among others...

I am pissed at myself for not removing the damn LAN cable yesterday, resulting in my LAN card on my laptop being fried yet again.. This is already the THIRD time.. I had powered down both my laptop and the modem, yet the lightning managed to toast the card via the LAN cable... Have no one but myself to blame for this.. more $$ that I can't spare going down the drain.. :(  :(

I am anxious about traveling down to KL alone tonight to get my Visa.. though I've traveled alone to many countries, I still can't quite relax traveling in my own country.. maybe cos of too many horror crime news/stories I've heard.. hope for a smooth and safe journey to and back from KL..

I feel daunted and apprehensive by the real actual possibility of my relocating to a new country/city.. So many things that I need to do when I get there - searching/renting an apartment, getting a mobile phone, opening a bank account, finding a part-time job to support myself, etc.. It is one thing to talk about it, but quite another to actually to do it.. although I've been living in 3 different countries, the process of settling down in a new environment is still fairly intimidating..

Hopefully, I will and can find the strength in me to overcome all these.. I don't want to have regrets.. I want to live my life to the fullest and I know that this move provides me the best chance of achieving it.. I have to believe and have faith.. 

prep for Taiwan..

Will be leaving for Taiwan 24th of this month.. :)

Since I've not written much about this plan of mine, I shall tell you more in this post..

Through The University Entrance Committee for Overseas Chinese Students, I've been accepted into the PhD program in Department of Management Science, Tamkang University.. and I finally received my acceptance letter from the University 2 weeks ago.. Registration is on Sept 1st, while school starts Sept 5..

Went to KL to submit my Visa application early this month.. shall go to KL again to collect it this coming Friday.. I will be flying off to Taipei from Penang instead as I don't want my parents to drive all the way to/fro KL just to see me off..


Once there, I will stay with my senior first before looking for an apartment near the University.. As usual, I will have to get a mobile phone and open a bank account too..

As I didn't manage to get any scholarship this time, I will need to look for a part-time or freelance job to support myself. It will be an addition to the current freelance translation jobs that I have right now.. Once my timetable is known, I will have a better idea what kind of temp/part-time jobs I can do..

So there you have it.. my next destination - Taipei, Taiwan.. I will be there for at least 3 years, although I think it will most probably be 4 or more years.. and I refuse to make any prediction where I will be after this as life is so capricious.. 

St. Anne's Novena & Feast 2011..

Although my parents worship Kuanyin (Goddess of Mercy) at home, they are open to praying to other (non-Buddhist/Taoist) deities.. in particular, they will attend the annual feast at Church of St Anne's Bukit Mertajam almost every year..

We used to live in a housing estate just opposite the St Anne's Church in the early 1990s.. It was one of my first few "encounters" with Christianity/church so to speak.. and those were the years I studied in a convent school, SMK Convent Bukit Mertajam (sorry the linked page is in Malay) and kinda came into my own.. :)

As the feast is held in July every year, I've not been to one since I've gone over to Singapore for my studies more than 15 years ago!! So this year, I jumped at the opportunity to go with my parents to see how things have changed over the years..

Iconic church

As the feast was held over a period of 10 days, we decided to go on the 6th day so as to avoid the early and last-minute crowds..

We got there after dinner, around 7.30pm..

As we walked from our parked car, we can see the brightly lit church from afar.. It looked so much different from what I remembered.. It had changed a lot, just like I did over these years..

It used to be small and was kinda rundown.. now, it stood majestically over a much bigger compound and is very well-kept.. 

We bought a box of candles each at one of the stalls inside the church compound... my mum and my sis bought flowers too.. then we walked up the steps into the church..

It was very spartan inside the iconic old church.. I don't remember whether it was like this all these while... In front, there is Jesus on the cross with statues of Virgin Mary and St Anne at his sides. A few rows of benches and 2 metal candle stands on each sides..

Many were praying, holding on to a burning candle with both their hands. Some closes their eyes while others focus on the statue(s). All of us will then place our candles onto the candle stands.. There are several helpers around to help with the candles and the offering of flowers..

Stalls selling candles, flowers and some light finger food

We then proceed to walk up the little hill behind the church where at the top there is a statue of St Anne, young Mary and baby Jesus. It was also the site of the very first Catholic chapel, founded in 1846 by French priests.

Stone steps lead up the hill.. I can still remember how we used to light candles along the stone path, 'banishing' all darkness.. and it was dangerous climbing up these stone steps as the wax from these candles made them very slippery.. now, we are not allowed to place candles outside the designated areas.. 

Both my sister and I decided to light a candle and carry it all the way up to the top without the flame going out.. in a way, we wanted to use this 'test' as a gauge to see if what we are praying for will come true or not or the very least if we'll be blessed this coming year.. it was very very windy along the way.. a couple of times my candle almost went out but luckily I managed to 'save' it.. :)

Old church, taken from Dataran St Anne.

Took us a while to climb up to the top as my mum's feet aren't as strong as before.. there were quite a few people there offering their candles and flowers at the top.. again, few helpers at the side, cleaning the metal candle stands and helping people with their flower offerings..

Once we got down from the hill, we went to the St Anne's Water, which is actually a row of 12 taps where visitors/pilgrims can drink the crystal clear spring water from the hill.. Many brought or bought bottles to take home some of this holy/blessed water.. 

Then we went to Dataran St Anne (translated as St Anne Square) that has a small fountain with a statue of St Anne and young Virgin Mary to rest and savor the peaceful night scenes around. We left around 10pm..

p/s: I didn't leave the place empty handed.. I bought a necklace with a small figurine of Saint Michael the Archangel.. a very nice additional to my collection of angels.. :)

p/s II: Oh ya, my sis and I managed to keep our candles burning throughout the entire 'hill-climbing'.. so this coming year should be a good one for us both.. :) :)

Sunday Serenade: take me as I am

A strong self empowering song for the ladies.. especially the chorus of this song..

So take me as I am,
or have nothing at all.
Just take me as I am,
or have nothing at all.

We shouldn't change because other wants us to.. we change because we want to.. we are good on our own, just better if we could find someone to share our lives with.. :)


Take Me as I Am
performed by Mary J. Blige

[Verse 1:]
She's been down and out
She's been wrote about
She's been talked about, constantly
She's been up and down
She's been pushed around
But they held her down, NYC
She has no regrets
She accepts the past
All these things they
helped make to make she
She's been lost and found
And she's still around
There's a reason for everything

You know I've been holdin on.
Try to make me weak,
But I still stay strong.
Put my life all up in these songs
Jus so you can feel me.
so you can get the real me

[Chorus:]
So take me as I am,
or have nothing at all.
Just take me as I am,
or have nothing at all.

[Verse 2:]
Now she's older now
Yes, she's wiser now
Can't disguise her now
She don't need
No one tellin her
What to do and say
No one tellin her
Who to be
She's on solid ground
She's been lost and found
Now, she answers to G-O-D
And she's confident
This is not the end
Ask me how I know
Cause she is me.

You know I've been holdin on.
Try to make me weak,
But I still stay strong.
Put my life all up in these songs
Jus so you can feel me.
so you can get the real me

[Chorus:]
So take me as I am,
or have nothing at all.
Just take me as I am,
or have nothing at all.

[Bridge: 2x]
So it's all or nothing at all,
All or nothing at all
Don't you know I can only be me.
(I can only be me, yeah)

[Chorus:]
So take me as I am,
or have nothing at all.
Just take me as I am,
or have nothing at all.

Take me as I am.
Take me as I am.
Said it's all or nothing at all
Said it's all or nothing at all

Just take me as I am,
or have nothing at all. (This is me)
Just take me as I am, (take me as i am)
or have nothing at all.
Just take me as I am, (take me as i am)
or have nothing, nothing at all.
Take me as I am.



Have a great week ahead! Stay safe and cheery!!

Poetry Solace: Of the past and fallen leaf

Continuation.. more poems from Ella Wheeler Wilcox.. :)

The past

I fling the past behind me, like a robe
Worn threadbare at the seams, and out of date.
I have outgrown it. Wherefore should I weep
And dwell upon its beauty, and its dyes
Of oriental splendor, or complain
That I must needs discard it? I can weave
Upon the shuttles of the future years
A fabric far more durable. Subdued,
It may be, in the blending of its hues,
Where somber shades commingle, yet the gleam
Of golden warp shall shoot it through and through,
While over all a fadeless luster lies,
And starred with gems made out of crystalled tears,
My new robe shall be richer than the old. 

A fallen leaf

A trusting little leaf of green,
A bold audacious frost;
A rendezvous, a kiss or two,
And youth for ever lost.
Ah, me!
The bitter, bitter cost.

A flaunting patch of vivid red,
That quivers in the sun;
A windy gust, a grave of dust,
The little race is run.
Ah, me!
Were that the only one.

Have a great weekend!

foreign over local..

A Malaysian friend who is currently working in Singapore posted a very telling article.. You can read it here.. Frankly, I am appalled by this, yet not entirely surprised..

The Lion City has changed.. A GREAT LOT these last few years.. the influx of "FT" (aka "foreign talents" or some would say "fake talents") has changed the fabric of the society there.. some of these newcomers, especially from the Middle Kingdom and Bharat, are not integrating into the local communities.. they seemed reluctant to be a part of a multi-cultural society, opting to bring their 'homeland' with them and refusing to mix with the locals..

The above incident showed clearly how things are turning out over there.. local Singaporeans are fed up with these "FTs".. Singaporeans love to have Msians, Indonesians and other SEA-ians taking up citizenship in their country because we know how to integrate and be part of the society..  We know how to give and take, be tolerant and be respectful to one another.. we know how to live harmoniously in a country where everyone is different, in one way or another.. we blend in because we understand that we are GUESTS...

It is just ludicrous for the authority to 'order' the Indian family to NOT cook curry in their OWN house when their neighbor (from PRC) is at home.. so what's next?? Ban eating durian in your own house?? Ban sambal belacan?? Ban satay?? Ban any food that "smells" from your OWN house because the smell 'offends' your neighbors??

Food is one of the things that makes Singapore and Malaysia unique.. take that away and you'll stripped away one of the MOST important unifier and identifier.. Seriously, no Singaporeans or Malaysians would complain when they get a whiff of curry being cooked by their neighbors.. heck, we couldn't be happier if they are generous enough to share some with us like in the good old days!!!

These "FTs" might have the cash and/or talent, but frankly, most of them lack CLASS..  Unfortunately, one can't seemed to ignore their presence while in Singapore as they seemed to be EVERYWHERE!! And to put it bluntly, their presence somehow cheapens this beautiful Garden City for me.. Cash might buy them nice houses or expensive cars, but it doesn't get them RESPECT!

Most of these "FTs" who came to Singapore aren't creme de la creme from their countries but 2nd or 3rd "rated" ones... The best would have gone to the US, Japan, Europe, Australia and New Zealand.. And it is a known fact that many of them are using Singapore as a stepping stone to migrate to other countries. A Singapore passport can and will open up more doors compared to their original citizenship.

These "FTs" should be thankful for the opportunities that they are given, but most of the time they don't.. Their misplaced sense of "entitlement" in their host/adoptive country is both puzzling and worrying...

Lastly, I would like to share parts of a message, attributed to a few Australian PMs (past and present), which has proven to be a hoax but no less reverberating and meaningful in this era of globalized migration..

'We will accept your beliefs, and will not question why. All we ask is that you accept ours, and live in harmony and peaceful enjoyment with us.'

'This is OUR COUNTRY, OUR LAND, and OUR LIFESTYLE, and we will allow you every opportunity to enjoy all this. But once you are done complaining, whining, and griping about Our Flag, Our Pledge, Our beliefs, or Our Way of Life, I highly encourage you take advantage of one other great Australian freedom,

'THE RIGHT TO LEAVE'.'

'If you aren't happy here then LEAVE. We didn't force you to come here. You asked to be here. So accept the country YOU accepted.'

I think it conveys clearly what all locals want to say to the "newcomers" in their country, be they the new citizens or migrant workers.

So if that PRC family can't stand the curry smell, they can either
1. air-conditioned their entire house.
2. move next to a PRC family.
3. move to a landed-property.
4. move to another country without curry.
5. go back to their "home" country...
cos no one forced them to come to Singapore...

run imm run..

Can't believe how unfit I've become since coming back from Japan.. all the sitting around staring at the monitor screen... not only did I gain more than 5 kg in the last 23+ months, my stamina is totally non-existence.. :x  I've gotten so fat and flabby that I can't fit into more than two thirds of my old pants!! :x :x :x

So when my sis asked me to go to the gym at the local recreation club with her yesterday afternoon, I jumped at the opportunity.. :)  She wanted me to teach her how to use the gym equipment, especially the treadmills..

After I've shown her the general workings of the treadmills, we each hopped onto one and started jogging.. :) :)

It has been a long long while since I've last jogged.. boy, I was beyond unfit.. I jogged for 30 minutes.. or rather jogged and walked for 30 minutes.. covered 2.9km.. my legs felt like jelly when I'm done.. but surprisingly I felt pretty good - my mind is clearer and I was more alert.. :)

Won't mind hitting the gym again with my sis if she goes there again.. else, I will wait till I've settle down in Taipei before starting my jogging routine over there.. Really need to tone those wiggly soft muscles and get back to shape..

I wanna look and feel good again.. :p ;) ;) :p

surgical voyage: realizations..

Nothing rocks your world more than a health crisis and having to undergo surgery..

Those few days in the hospital - immobilized, weaken, battling bodily pain and psychological helplessness - gave me plenty to think about..  and made me realized several things... (pardon me if the following sounded like feel-good mantras from some self-help books.. :p)

Health IS wealth

Although it might sound cliche to you, but I truly believe so now.. well, not that I don't before the operation, but the operation amplified the true value of health.. laying on the bed, sick, unable to do even the simplest and most basic thing like relieving myself makes me treasure health even more! I won't want to be sickly and a burden.. I won't want to witness my body deteriorating bit by bit day by day.. I won't want to lose my sanity and/or my well-being and not able to do anything about it.. I don't want to relive that sense of helplessness and vulnerability, if I can help.. So I am gonna take extra good care of my body and mind from hence forth.. :)

Smile costs Nothing

When I found out that one of the possible side effects of the operation was that I might lose the ability to smile, it dawned on me that I might be losing a wonderful gift that I had not been using as much.. In fact, I think I am pretty stingy as to whom I smile to or at.. but this operation might just change that.. Frankly, it doesn't cost us anything to smile yet it helps make the world a better place.. "Everytime you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing. ~ Mother Teresa"

Ignore Negativity

Life is fragile and unpredictable.. One minute you might be enjoying your favorite cup of coffee, the next you might suffered a seizure and died.. Who knows how long one has to live? Life is too precious for me to waste even an ounce of my energy or a second of my time on people or matters that do not matter. I will not entertain people who bring negativity into my life.. I will stay away from naysayers, wet blankets or 'dementors'. I will turn a blind eye and a deaf ear instead of getting angry or pissed.. :)

Live Without Regrets

We don't need to suffer from cancer or any other terminal illness to jolt us from our tunnel vision of life. Yet we like to stick to the mundane/routine, always giving reasons/excuses to NOT change or strive for what we actually want in life..  And when "bad" things happen, we'll regret the things that we should/could/would have been... I for one am not going to allow that to happen, I will try my darnest to live my life to the fullest and without regrets..

I know.. I know.. all these are easier said than done..

..but I have nothing to lose.. what would be the worst case scenario?? being misunderstood as stuck-up, selfish or arrogant? being called names like b***h, good-for-nothing, heartless, unfillial, etc behind my back? being outcast or ostracized? or?

Frankly I don't really give a damn.. as long as I am not hurting anyone, I will live MY LIFE MY WAY.. cos hey, I have the right to pursue MY OWN HAPPINESS.. I know what I want and what I don't.. so to those 'supposedly concerned friends/relatives', I would like to say, "f**k off! mind your own business and go live your own life!!"..

Borrowing and modifying a quote from Dead Poets Society, "Carpe diem. Seize the day, boys (and girls). Make your lives extraordinary"!!   :) :)

happy birthday, my 2nd home!

Today is Singapore's national day.. :) Happy birthday!!

Did a fun wacky quiz last week.. and found myself to be 63% Singaporean.. :p

(you can try the app on FB at http://iamsingaporean.sg)

Well, I don't deny it.. I used to feel more at home over there than here.. if given a choice and call me unpatriotic if you must, I would choose the Lion City over Bolehland..but things have changed these past few years.. even the Little Red Dot no longer satisfy what I seek in a permanent 'living-to-grow-old' place..

Now, I don't feel at ease anymore as the country seemed to be 'overran' by China Chinese, Filipinos and India Indians.. It seemed hard to 'find' REAL Singaporean.. one who speak Singlish, who die die must order from the longest queue at the food court, who can laugh at Phua Chu Kang's jokes, who like to talk cock and lodge complaints, who drop acronyms like words (TPE, CPIB, MOE, etc) and many more idiosyncrasies that I've grown to love..

It is hard to accept some things that you used to love, like or familiar with are no longer the same.. and it is even harder to let go of them and look elsewhere.. still, that is what I am gonna do.. who knows, I might find something better or decide that the old one is still the best..

in the newspaper

Just got home from KL.. :) Went to submit my visa application.. met up with a dear friend.. and went shopping.. :) :)

Anyway, this post is to let you know that a "Letter to the Editor" I wrote was featured in the local newspaper yesterday.. :)  Not bad ya.. :p :p

Sunday Serenade: what the hell

Another one of my sis's favorite songs.. she even has it as an alarm ring tone on her iPhone... and yes, I like it too.. especially the chorus..

All my life I've been good,
but now...
I'm thinking, "what the hell!?!"

Yep.. my brother, my sister and I have always been goodie two-shoes.. never really rebelled nor did anything outrageous.. I can't vouch for them, but I for one do not back-stab nor bad-mouth colleagues/friends.. My conscience is clear, maybe way too clear..  and that often gets in the way of avoiding hurt, whether it is professionally, emotionally or in relationships..

Anyway, my sis and I have both agreed that we are gonna think, "What the Hell!!??!" more often and seize the day! :)


What the Hell
Songwriters: Martin, Max / Schuster, Johan Karl / Lavigne, Avril
You say that I'm messing with your head
All 'cause I was making out with your friend
Love hurts whether it's right or wrong
I can't stop 'cause I'm having too much fun

You're on your knees
Begging, "Please
Stay with me"
But honestly
I just need to be
A little crazy

[chorus]
All my life I've been good,
But now...
I'm thinking, "what the hell?"
All I want is to mess around
And I don't really care about...
[end of chorus]

If you love me
If you hate me
You can't save me
Baby, baby
All my life I've been good
But now...
What the hell?

What?
What?
What?
What the hell?

So what if I go out on a million dates?
You never call or listen to me anyway
I'd rather rage than sit around and wait all day
Don't get me wrong, I just need some time to play

You're on your knees
Begging, "Please
Stay with me"
But honestly
I just need to be
A little crazy

[chorus]

If you love me
If you hate me
You can't save me
Baby, baby
All my life I've been good
But now...
What the hell?

La, la, la, la, la, la
Whoa, whoa
La, la, la, la, la, la
Whoa, whoa

You say that I'm messing with your head
Boy, I like messing in your bed
Yeah, I am messing with your head when
I'm messing with you in bed

[chorus x3]

(If you love me)

If you love me
If you hate me
You can't save me
Baby, baby
(If you love me)
All my life I've been good
But now...
What the hell?

La, la, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la, la 






Have a great week ahead! Stay safe and cheery!!

Poetry Solace: Of solitude and loving enough

I like the poems written by Ella Wheeler Wilcox.. without knowing they were hers..

Solitude
Laugh, and the world laughs with you;
    Weep, and you weep alone;
For the sad old earth must borrow its mirth,
    But has trouble enough of its own.
Sing, and the hills will answer;
    Sigh, it is lost on the air;
The echoes bound to a joyful sound,
    But shrink from voicing care.

Rejoice, and men will seek you;
    Grieve, and they turn and go;
They want full measure of all your pleasure,
    But they do not need your woe.
Be glad, and your friends are many;
    Be sad, and you lose them all,—
There are none to decline your nectared wine,
    But alone you must drink life’s gall.

Feast, and your halls are crowded;
    Fast, and the world goes by.
Succeed and give, and it helps you live,
    But no man can help you die.
There is room in the halls of pleasure
    For a large and lordly train,
But one by one we must all file on
    Through the narrow aisles of pain.


Are you Loving Enough?
Are you loving enough? There is some one dear,
    Some one you hold as the dearest of all
In the holiest shrine of your heart.
    Are you making it known? Is the truth of it clear
To the one you love? If death's quick call
    Should suddenly tear you apart,
Leaving no time for a long farewell,
    Would you feel you had nothing to tell---
Nothing you wished you had said before
    The closing of that dark door?

Are you loving enough? The swift years fly---
    Oh, faster and faster they hurry away,
And each one carries its dead.
    The good deed left for the by and by,
The word to be uttered another day,
    May never be done or said.
Let the love word sound in the listening ear,
    Nor wait to speak it above a bier.
Oh the time for telling your love is brief,
    But long, long, long is the time for grief.
Are you loving enough?

A few more poems from Wilcox, next time..

Have a good weekend!

last minute..

There's gonna be lots of last minute rushes.. :p  Especially when I am not staying in KL where everything is being done..

I don't like rushing around, yet it seems to be unavoidable.. at least until I've settled down in Taipei and done with all the red-tapes.. which would most probably be around Oct..

Hopefully, I can get everything done in time.. fingers-crossed..