Trick or treat.

It is going to be Halloween tomorrow night.. thus there definitely will be costume parties and dress-up competitions being held in major pubs and various night spots these two nights.. another excuse to party harder and have more (spooky) fun, no doubt.. and that jackass neighbor of mine is planning one too, from the look of all the decorations that are being put up.. Darn!! Just hope all the REAL ghosts/ghouls/fiends/spirits will join in and scare the shit out of him and his "merry men"...

Angel, Devil or Vampire.. These are the three persona that I would put on if I were ever invited to a Halloween costume party.. :) I have always believed in Angels.. Heck, I even wanted to get an angel wing tattoo for my 35th birthday! but so far, have yet to find a pattern that I would like to be permanently tattooed on my shoulders/back.. If there are Angels, then the antithesis of it, the Devils, would surely exists too.. People like to say that "Devil have all the fun", so who won't be tempted?? :p As for Vampires, well, I must admit that I am always drawn to the tragic and romanticism elements of these undead creatures of the night..

The wings, the horns and the teeth, three symbols that are easily connected to those three characters..

Ever felt an angel's breath in the gentle breeze?
A teardrop in the falling rain?
Hear a whisper amongst the rustle of leaves?
Or been kissed by a lone snowflake?
Nature is an angel's favorite hiding place.
~ Carrie Latet

The devil has put a penalty on all things we enjoy in life. Either we suffer in health or we suffer in soul or we get fat.
~ Albert Einstein

When other little girls wanted to be ballet dancers I kind of wanted to be a vampire.
~ Angelina Jolie

The good, the evil and the damned.. those are the three things that I think reside inside me.. most of the time, I am good.. once in a while, I do feel like doing some mischief or destruction.. while I could never quite shake off the feeling of being damned since childhood.. Thus playing any one of these characters is just a way to express that particular part of me.. ;) :p

It's Not Easy To Be Me

This is one of my favorite songs.. love the lyrics... because I can empathize.. because I feel the same way too..

It's Not Easy To Be Me

I can’t stand to fly
I’m not that naive
I’m just out to find
The better part of me

I’m more than a bird
I’m more than a plane
More than some pretty face beside a train
It’s not easy to be me

Wish that i could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home I’ll never see

It may sound absurd but don’t be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed but won’t you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream
It’s not easy to be me

Up, up and away away from me
It’s all right you can all sleep sound tonight
I’m not crazy or anything

I can’t stand to fly
I’m not that naive
Men weren’t meant to ride
With clouds between their knees

I’m only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street
Only a man in a funny red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me

It’s not easy to be me.

-------------------------------------------
做自己好难

我无法忍受飞翔，
我并不是那么地天真；
我只是想找寻，
自己较好的那一面。。

我不单单是只飞鸟，
也不唯独是辆飞机，
更不只是在电车旁的俊俏面孔！
我这个角色不好当啊！

真希望我能哭出来，
可以瘫坐在地上；
我一直在想尽办法撒个谎，
有关我那不会再见到的故乡。。

也许听起来有点荒唐，
但你也别那么天真了，
就算是英雄也有流血的权利。。
我也许感到一丝的不安，
但难道你不认同吗，
就连英雄也应该有做梦的自由。。
我这个角色不好当啊！

越飞越高，飞越了自己。。
有我在，大家都可以安稳入睡。。
我并不是疯了或是什么的。。

我无法忍受飞翔，
我并不是那么地天真；
人本来就不应该，
在天空中腾云驾雾。。

我只是个穿着红披风的傻瓜，
在这单行街道上挖掘着氪；
只是个身穿红披风的阿呆，
在寻找着自己的特别可取之处。。

我这个角色不好当啊！

Passing by

Accompanied my dad on his delivery to Perai today... this was my 2nd time..

This time round, other than just going to Perai, we made a detour to Bukit Mertajam along the way, to my uncle's house.. and we also went into the town center for a quick spin, just to show me how much things have changed..

It has really been a very long time since I last went to BM (Bukit Mertajam).. at least 12 years.. couldn't really remember the last time I went there.. but it was definitely the first time in about 15 years that I saw my secondary school, Sekolah Menengah Convent BM, again.. I could see the classrooms, the hallways, the field and the little chapel in front of the school from the main road.. Somehow the school looked smaller than I remembered..

The road systems and the buildings in BM have changed so much that I couldn't really tell where I was at times..

Yet, some things still remain unchanged over the years.... passed the Taman (a Malay word that is often used in naming housing estates in Malaysia) and the house that I had stayed before leaving for Singapore.. passed the first church that I had ever entered and prayed, The Church of St. Anne Bukit Mertajam.. passed the hawker center that I always went to to get dinner for my brother and sister when my parents were working... passed the "family clinic".. passed the best Hokkien Mee stall that everyone in my family misses...

I came to BM barely 15 years old and this was where I had the most fun in school before leaving it 4 years later for my tertiary education.. BM was where I was a prefect, librarian, club/society president, school team captain, "security chief"... It was also where I did my first stage play, performed my first dikir barat, joined my first camping trip, participated my first "night adventure", rode my first motorcycle to school, suffered my first "heartache" and many other "firsts"... Coming back 15 years later, I am happy that at least some buildings from my memory can still be seen, yet I am surprised that the sense of nostalgia that I felt is being overwhelmed by sadness.. Sad that after all these years some things never improved but deteriorated (like the traffic jam, public facilities and workmanship, etc).. Sad that the strong identity of Convent has been diluted by "national school systems".. Sad that such a nice city has turned into a chaotic, messy city planning disaster..

Ahh... Time really has flown..

书签。。

First month

So I have been back for a month now..

What have I done the past 30 days? Well, not much.. actually, very little.. the only thing that happened a lot is that my nose has been "running" almost everyday.. :( :( maybe lost a kg or two.. sent a few job application letters.. updated my resume in a couple of job sites.. read a few chapters from a few books.. Did ten over translation jobs.. the only "substantial contribution" of my presence at home, I would think, is that I am around to cheer and motivate my sister, be her maid and her butler (do her laundry & ironing and other bidding), and gave her some tips on how to "find a pattern among chaos" and how to handle/manage her seniors and boss..

Yet, I know that I really need to do more.. but with my upcoming Australian trip end of next month, I have no mood to do anything remotely "productive".. will have to force myself to at least refresh and revise whatever IT knowledge that I had left, read up on some management books and send a couple more job or scholarship application letters.. but I think I would most probably be occupied with trying to finalize the possibility of my visiting Sydney and Melbourne over the New Year.. :p

寂寞的季節 The Season of Solitude

演唱：陶喆
作詞：娃娃 作曲：陶喆

風吹落最后一片葉
我的心也飄著雪
愛只能往回憶裡堆疊
oh~給下個季節

忽然間樹梢冒花蕊
我怎麼會都沒有感覺
oh~整條街都是戀愛的人
我獨自走在暖風的夜

多想要向過去告別
當季節不停更迭
oh~卻還是少一點堅決
在這寂寞的季節

艷陽高照在那海邊
愛情盛開的世界
遠遠看著熱鬧一切
oh~我記得那狂烈

窗外是快枯黃的葉
感傷在心中有一些
oh~我了解那些愛過的人
心是如何慢慢在凋謝

多想要向過去告別
當季節不停更迭
oh~卻永遠少一點堅決
在這寂寞的季節

又走過風吹的冷冽
最后一盞燈熄滅
從回憶我慢慢穿越
在這寂寞的季節
還是寂寞的季節
一樣寂寞的季節

My translation:

The Season of Solitude
The wind has fallen the last leaf from its branch;
and it is beginning to snow inside my heart..
I can only bury my love in the memories,
for the next coming season to savor..

Suddenly realized that the buds are sprouting,
how could I have not noticed it earlier?
The streets are filled with people in love,
yet, I walk alone in this warm windy night..

How I wish I could bid farewell to my past,
just as the seasons come and go..
yet, I've always lack that last bit of resolute,
in this Season of Solitude..

The sun, shining high up near the seaside;
In this world that is blossoming with love,
I could only watch the bustling from afar,
as it reminded me of those passionate days..

Nothing but withering leaves outside the window,
I couldn't help but feel the melancholy hanging thick in the air..
I could relate to those who had loved and lost,
and understood how their hearts shriveled away slowly..

How I wish I could bid farewell to my past,
just as the seasons come and go..
yet, I've always lack that last bit of resolute,
in this Season of Solitude..

Walking alone in this cold windy night,
as the last flickering light has finally gone out.
I am slowly reminiscing the old memories,
in this Season of Solitude,
this unchanging Season of Solitude..

半途而废

最近做事老是半途而废。。好像没有一件事我是可以从头到尾把它完成的，更别说一气呵成。。

有好几本书看了一半就看不下去了、《红楼梦》、一些有关资讯科技的或是心理学的书籍等，都无法看完。。。。台剧《光阴的故事》、日剧《Around 40》和动画《Gun X Sword》也都看了十几集就没兴趣了。。本来打算收拾及整理一下房间，但也只是说说而已。。做任何事都没精神，提不起劲。。成天懒懒散散的，糊里糊涂地一天一天地过。。

我也知道这样下去非常不好，但却无法让自己振作起来。。也许我正不自觉地想让自己可以在十一月尾时去一趟澳洲，所以故意拖延自己扯自己后腿，不想那么快找到工作吧？！？我想在澳洲庆祝我的生日。。因为我从来未曾特地到过任何地方庆生。。。所以这个35岁的生日，我想给自己一份生日礼物。。

但无论如何我还是希望我能早日找回我那股“干劲”。。不然再这样“混”下去，迟早变成一只又肥又笨的“大米虫”！！！ 保佑保佑！

Western Japan: Omikuji おみくじ

Toured 8 different cities during my trip to Western Japan early Sept.. being a 大ファン ("big fan") of Japanese shrines and temples, I visited at least one famous shrine/temple in each of those cities..

As I was, and am still currently, having doubts and uncertainties about my future, I went and ask for my fortunes (Omikuji おみくじ) at those shrines/temples.. just once in every city.. and I must say, all the gods seemed to be smiling on me...

Kagoshima 鹿児島
愛情運
第四十番　中吉
二人の愛と希望を乗せた船出の時です　今は朝日が昇る様な運勢ですが　周囲のことを考えずに行動し過ぎると　困難に出合うことがあります　方針をしっかりと立てて　強く信じ合って世の荒波を越えましょう。

Nagasaki　長崎
第九番　大吉
枯れ果てた田の苗も夕立雨に遭いて　再び生き返り秋の収穫も心配に及ばず安心出来る運なれ共　何事も正直にして他人を恨まず　仕事大事とはげみなさい

Kumamoto　熊本
愛情運
第十番　中吉
恋心はつのるばかりで辛く苦しい　この胸の内を告げよう人もない時　お頼みするのは神様だけです　一心こめてお縋りなさい　自然に道はひらけて来ます

Hiroshima　広島
第三七番　平
これは心せわしくとりみだしたるさまを人に見らるるのうらかたにしてものにはづる心あり、出世せずといえども、そのおいたちを人にしらる、かたさなり。慎しみ深ければさしたるあやまちなし。

Matsuyama　松山
第八三番　大吉
たとえば水平線に真赤な太陽が昇る海辺の朝の風景のように、愛情も信頼もこれから加速度に全て好転していく盛運となります。
人間関係や出来事の対応は相手の調子に合わせてゆとりをもって当るとよい。自我を強く出し過ぎると失敗を招くのでくれぐれも注意すること。全て臨機応変に。

Okayama　岡山
第二一番　小吉
闇くて見えない道も月がさし初め　明るくなる如く幸福次第に加わる運ですからあせらずさわがず静かに身を守って進むべき時に進んで何事も成就すべし

Osaka　大阪
愛情運
第二十二番　大吉
しっかりと結ばれた二人なのです　浮気などしないで愛情ひとすじに手を取りあって行きましょう　この廻り遇いを大切にすれば　非常によい幸運を授かります　交通事故に注意しなさい

Kyoto　京都
第六番　末吉
このみさとしは、今は万事意に任せず、苦しみの多い兆である。ただ一心に神に頼るの外なし、心がけ次第で、末遂に吉に向うと知るがよい。

--------------------------------------------------
From all these, I shouldn't worry too much, right? since so many gods (神様) have given me good indications.. yet, I can't quite feel these good fortunes.. :x

Sending aids..

Been going to my sister's "rescue" for the past 12 days or so.. sending "aids" to her..

Every evening, she would call me and ask us to send her dinner.. her only proper meal of the day.. She has been working from 6am to 12midnight everyday for the past 18 days or so.. with whatever free time that she has left, she tries to catch up on her sleep..

Luckily for her, she is working in her home town, thus she could depend on us to get her food, clean clothes and toiletries.. and of course, words of encouragement and some TLC are thrown in too... :)

After this hellish 18-hour shifts, she will be doing a "less-crazy-but-no-doubt-still-too-much" 12-hour shifts for the next 3+ months or so.. and she needs to be on-call.. :x :x From what she describes, the patients are coming and going like on "conveyor-belt", and the beds in the wards are almost always occupied.. thus, every time a siren is heard, we can't help but sympathize with the doctors and nurses in the local hospitals..

With such ridiculous working conditions, the authorities are still wondering why so many doctors want to leave the public hospitals??!!

Dirty, dusty and dangerous..

These 3"D"s which I think would aptly described how I feel about my own country.. when compared to Japan and Singapore, two of the cleanest and safest countries in Asia...

Dirty
In Japan, recycling is the norm.. separating household garbage into combustible, non-combustible, recyclable and paper refuse is mandatory that even a child knows and obeys. While in Singapore, all trash are thrown into the garbage chutes, as most stay in high-rising flats, and hauled away everyday by workers to remote landfills. It is almost inconceivable to even imagine having open-air garbage dumps in these two countries, yet in Malaysia, they are quite a common sight!!

With stray dogs and cats foraging for scraps and the poor rummaging for any sellable items, these unsightly open-air dumpsites are really just another testimony of how inefficiently this country is being managed.. These problems are easily solvable if the authority has the will to do it, which unfortunately they don't..

Dusty
Somehow my nose became a good indicator of dustiness.. :x While in Japan, my nose would only run if I catches a cold or the weather changes, but now, back in Malaysia, my nose is running practically everyday!! And staying in an old semi-wooden pre-World War II house is not helping either!

Another indication of dustiness is the fact that I need to do body scrub everyday too... :x The amount of dead skin and dirt scrubbed is unbelievable, and I don't think my skin started to "peel" or "shed" just because I am back.. And to think that I barely go out of the house at all!!!

Dangerous
With the government, MPs and ministers focusing on the politicking and background power maneuverings to grab/hold onto power, no one seems to care that the security and safety situation in the country is deteriorating FAST.. Not a day goes by, without news of a robbery here, a break-in there, he got mobbed, she got raped or they got conned.. I really long for the sense of security and safety that Japan and Singapore had offered me the past 15 years..

As if things aren't bad enough, the road accident rates are rising to ridiculous levels too.. Yet, it is not much of a surprise looking at the way people drives these days.. Because of the non-existence of public transport, every Tom, Dick and Sally has to drive to get to where they wanna go, regardless of whether they are FIT to drive or not.. bad judgment, poor estimation, slow reaction, cold indifference or just plain apathy to other road users.. these people shouldn't be allowed to drive at all as they are not just a menacing threat to others but they are also endangering themselves and their family.. yet what other alternatives can we offer them?

The country is slowly going to the dogs.. no doubt about it..

Supervising..

Earlier this year, my brother bought several types of multi-vitamins and other health supplements for my parents from the US, since they were fairly cheap as compared to Japan and Malaysia. Yet, my parents kept forgetting to take them..
As the "resident physician", my sister bought these pill boxes labeled with days of the week, and "prescribed" the daily dosage for them.. and since she has to work, she instructed me to ensure that they take these supplements everyday and to replenish the pills according to her "prescriptions"..

So on top of being the part-time "maid" and "cook", I am the "nurse" too.. :p

Fridge, chairs and washing machine..

The three things mentioned above are as old as the three of us (me, my brother and my sister, in that order).. and actually, there are many more things that are as old, if not older than the three of us in the house..

The FridgeIt was bought in the same year as I was born.. The company, Pan-Electric, that manufactured this fridge has long since collapsed, with much notoriety in the mid-1980s.. But this fridge managed to survive.. It has traveled from Kuala Kangsar, Kuala Lumpur, Kluang, Bukit Mertajam, Bagan Serai and finally settling down in Taiping...

Initially white, we spray-painted it green when the paint was peeling more than 15 years ago.. It is still functioning well, with the freezer still able to make ice and keep everything cold, all except the door is no longer air-tight due to the hardening of the rubber insulation around it.. I think my parents are going to keep it as long as possible.. Well, I might even take it with me if it is still working when I (finally) get a house of my own in the future.. :)

The ChairsAll these years, we never had any sofas.. My dad made 4 chairs, just as seen in the photo above, from the wood that he managed to salvage from his airbase more than 30 years ago.. Actually, they might be even older than my brother.. Of course, the cushions were changed many times along the years, but the wooden frames remain as sturdy as the day they were build..

My dad actually built many of our furniture which are still around to this day, like the study desks that my brother and I used when we were young (complete with lockable drawers), book shelves, tables and stools.. And he is the ultimate DIY guy that I have ever seen.. From him, I've learn to improvise and think of alternative ways of resolving any needs, not to mention the skills to do most of the household repairs and fixings. :) So I know my way around hammers, screw-drivers, handsaw, pliers and wrenches..

The Washing MachineThis is our first washing machine. It was bought to wash my sister's cloth diapers more than a quarter of a century ago.. I was the main user, being the eldest and all.. It has 2 separate portions, one to wash and rinse the clothes, the other to spin dry them. The spin-dryer is still working, and my mum still uses it whenever she hand-wash some of her clothes..

Had wanted to get a new washing machine for my parents, but they insist that the current one is still usable. FYI, the one that we are using now is Washing Machine No.2.. In case you haven't notice, most of the stuffs in my house last longer than their usual lifespan.. The sewing machine is around 30years old, several of the wardrobe cupboards are between 20-30 years, and the rice cooker, slow cooker and our current fridge are about 15 years.. And I am still sleeping in the same bed (not the same mattress, though) that I did before I left for Singapore, more than 15 years ago!!

How/What/Which are you? (Part V)

This time, I will post quizzes taken in Chinese and provide my interpretations in English..

五大天使你是哪位? Which of the 5 Archangels are you?
加百列 (Gabriel, Angel of Death)
你是一位隨和的人，不論是什麼情況你總是能立即適應，大家都很喜歡和你在一起，因為你總是他們苦訴心事的垃圾桶，你的脾氣很好但一生起氣來可是會令人退避三捨，你工作時很認真不過總會些許偷懶，導致到最後東西來不及完成，在感情方面你是隨性的人，並不會給對方太多壓力及負擔，但也因為如此會被認為你不夠體貼對方，要注意喔。
You are easy-going, and no matter what happens, you could always adapt to it immediately. People like to be around you, because you are always their "aunt agony", listening to their woes and troubles. You are good-natured, but you can become very scary if you get angry. You work hard but tend to slack off once in a while, and that often resulted in things not being completed. In terms of relationship, you go with the flow, and don't put any pressure or stress on your partner, yet because of this, you are often mistaken as not being considerate to his/her needs. Do take note.

測你的心理年齡 Your mental age
80歲 (80 years old)
你的心里年齡正處于很老年狀態。
You feel very old indeed.

你是哪種大腦? What kind of brain are you?
電鍋腦 ("Electric rice cooker" brain)
你擁有一個潛力無窮的大腦，喜歡沉浸在自己的想像世界，但如果你不敞開心胸，好好利用這些東西，那你就會像一個不曾打開的電鍋般，沒有人知道你的想法，即使裡面放的是絕美珍饌。擁有這種大腦，不缺的就是想法，但最缺的就是實踐力，勸你去找個超不按牌理出招的好朋友，相信他會助你一臂之力的。
You have limitless potential in you. You love to immerse in your own fantasy world, and if you do not open up, embrace and utilize your potential, you would just be like an unused electric rice cooker in which no one would know about the gourmet food that it holds. With such a brain, there is no lacking of ideas and thoughts, but a dire shortage of implementation. Seek help from friends who are unconventional and do not follow the society norms.

你是哪種情緒化動物? What kind of emotional animal are you?
樂觀積極 - 小狗 (Optimistic and positive - Dog)
基本上，你是一個相當情緒化的人，心情愉快的時候，別人說什麼都可以，心情不好時忽視別人似乎已經是壞心情的基本表現。在公司的事也取決於心情，好心情時會答應幫助別人，心情不好的話，即使是老闆，你也會拒絕。所以每個人都怕你把情緒表現出來並付諸於行動，但這正是因為你很單純，這個類型的很多人已經在控制自己的情緒了。所以你會積極地思考，同時也拋不開消極的一面，只能說，人的行為非常情緒化。...
Basically, you are quite emotional. When your mood is good, anything anyone says goes, while you tend to ignore people when you are not. Even the way you work depends on your mood. You will help anyone who asked for assistance, but if your mood is foul, you would even reject requests from your boss. Thus everyone is terrified when you express and act according to your mood. Yet because you are simple and frank, you are already learning to control your temperament. In a way, you are able to think things through positively, and yet still troubled by negativity.

Tarot readings...

Another interesting types of "quizzes" on FB are Tarot Readings.. Here are my readings for 4 different aspects of my life that I did recently using Bamboocat Tarot.. I can only say that most of them are eerily accurate... They were done in Chinese, thus I shall translate them into English.. Note that all pictures of tarot cards are from http://phpbb-tw.net/phpbb/thoth/ and there is no intention of infringing any copyright.

脸书上另外一种有趣的“玩意儿”是塔罗占卜。。以下是最近我为自己四个不同的生活层面利用脸书上的《竹猫星球塔罗》所占卜出来的结果。。可怕的是大部分都非常地准确。。这一次还是一样，是中翻英。。所有的塔罗图片都采自竹猫星球塔罗馆 （http://phpbb-tw.net/phpbb/thoth)，本部落并无意侵犯版权。

對 求職運勢 進行占卜，結果為：
Pertaining your luck in: Job-hunting:

現狀 Current Situation: 死亡 [Death]

你的專長領域，剛剛好是這個社會正在退流行、或是淘汰中的產業，你如果想要有長期的發展，最好自己另外培養第二專長。
Your area of expertise is the industry that is losing its relevancy or is currently in the process of being eliminated by market force. If you wish to have any long term prospects, it is better to develop a second skill/proficiency.

問題 Problem : 皇帝 [Emperor]

雖然你看來戰鬥力很強，但是團隊精神似乎不太夠，而且容易讓別人感覺到你的主觀性很強，重視人和的企業，可能會多加考慮你的適合性。
Although you seemed to be very competitive, you appeared to be lacking in team spirit, and could easily give the impressive of being very subjective, and thus in the corporations that emphasize on harmony, they might be have doubts on your suitability.

建議 Suggestion: 慾 [Lust]

要有耐心，並且不要客氣，盡量展現自己的優點，也可以大膽要求待遇！這樣反而會讓面試官更覺得你有價值喔！適合精品業或大眾傳播業。
Have patience, and don't hesitate or feel shy to show-off your talents and good points! Be brave and ask for what you want! This would instead make the interviewer feel that you are worthy and valuable! Suitable to go into boutique or mass communication industry.



對 單身運勢 進行占卜，結果為：
Pertaining your luck in : Relationships (for Singles)

現狀 Current Situation: 星星 [The Star]

這張牌顯示通常不是遠距離戀愛，就是單戀，有一種距離的美感，但你會抱著未來的美好希望，去為這份感情努力。
This card usually signifies long-distance relationship or unrequited love. There is a sense of beauty in distance, yet you work hard to keep this relationship as you still have high hopes for the future.

問題 Problem: 月亮 [The Moon]

你太過於情緒化，會拿放大鏡去看問題，不只你自己會累，連在你身邊的人都很累，這樣不管有沒有談感情，你都得不到平靜的生活。
You are too emotional, often aggravating the problems, tiring yourself and those around you. Thus regardless of whether you are in a relationship or not, you won't have a peaceful life.

建議 Suggestion: 倒吊人 [The Hanged Man]

你真正的緣份還沒到，就不要強求，什麼時間做什麼事，也許你目前的人生課題，就是需要沉潛。
Your true love is yet to come, thus do not . Everything has its time, so maybe your current mission is to contemplate and reflect upon your future.



對 財運 進行占卜，結果為：
Pertaining your luck in : Money Matters

現狀 Current Situation: 皇帝 [Emperor]

你賺錢都賺得很多，但也花得很兇，而且你也沒耐性去理財或節流什麼的；財運起起伏伏不穩定，有錢跟沒錢時的落差很大，但大致上賺錢能力是很強的。
You earn a lot of money, yet you spend a lot too, and you do not have the patience to manage your finance or control your expenditure. Your money luck is volatile, and the difference between having money and having none is very big, but generally your ability to earn money is very strong.

問題 Problem: 命運之輪 [Wheel of Fortune]

你是散財童子型的人，花錢往往不是花在重點上，有錢時就亂花，不考慮支出的項目，到了真正重要時就發現錢又沒了。
You are someone who couldn't keep their money. Always spending recklessly, you spend whatever you have without any regards to the amount or reasons. You often realised that you have no money when you really need them.

建議 Suggestion: 倒吊人 [The Hanged Man]

也許是因為你的時運就是不濟，你為了多賺錢所做的努力，到最後都會徒勞無功，甚至賠上時間跟精力，建議你先粗茶淡飯過生活，等待機會出現。
Maybe it is just isn't your time. You work very hard, often sacrificing time and energy, to earn more money, yet in the end you gain nothing. Advisible for you to live frugally and wait patiently for opportunity to knock.



對 減肥瘦身 進行占卜，結果為：
Pertaining your luck in : Dieting and Slimming

現狀 Current Situation: 塔 [The Tower]

你最近受到很重的打擊，可能是你量體重時，發現比你預期的重很多，或是受到旁人的奚落，讓你決定雪恥。
You suffered a huge blow - maybe you found out that your actual weight is more than you thought, or because people around teased you about your weight, thus you want revenge.

問題 Problem: 宇宙 [The Universe]

你的體重都是來自於肌肉，而非脂肪，所以就算看起來體型較重，也不知道該從哪裡減起，太過激烈又有可能傷害健康。
Muscle, and not fat, contributed to your weight. Thus even if you looked heavy, you don't know which part of your body to start slimming down. It might be bad for health if you try something too intense.

建議 Suggestion: 賢者 [The Magus]

你不適合用太累的減肥方式，例如運動、體操什麼的，說不定用一些科學驗證有用的診療法、藥物，對你的幫助還比較大。
You are not suited for tiring dieting methods, like exercise or aerobics. Maybe there are some scientifically proven medical treatments or drugs that might be more useful to you.

Ironing out

Just did some ironing.. for my sis.. her blouses and pants.. as she don't have the time to even do her laundry..

Used to hate ironing.. especially the chore of ironing school uniforms.. but being the eldest, there was no running away.. so every Sunday, I had to iron my own sets of uniforms, my brother's, and also my dad's shirts and pants.. and I had to do it the old-fashioned way.. without using an ironing board.. but to sit on the floor and iron the clothes on top of a blanket..like what I am doing today.. or rather how mum has been ironing all these years.. My sis bought an ironing board several years ago, but my mum didn't know how to use it and still insist on doing it the old-fashioned way..

During my 2.5 years in Japan, I didn't even need to iron my clothes at all as I was wearing T'shirts and jeans most of the time.. If I need to wear formal suits, I'll just dry-cleaned them.. :)

Yet, along the years I've grown to like the task of ironing.. actually, it is kinda therapeutic.. with every swipe, wrinkles smoothed.. and of course, I've developed certain habits and ways of ironing.. I like to do tops first (blouses and shirts), and I would always start with the most challenging ones.. then followed by pants (since I don't have ANY skirts at ALL :p ).. While I was in Singapore, I used to allocate a time to do it.. once every two weeks.. I would put on some nice soothing music and start ironing.. Often than not, I would forget about the time and just enjoy the process.. :) :)

Capricorns are..

Since I spend A LOT of my waking time in FB, it is unavoidable that I would "waste" time in doing all sorts of quizzes that supposedly tells you more about yourselves.. Among the more popular ones are related to horoscopes.. and here are some of the more interesting/accurate ones.. since most of them are in Chinese, I will translate them into English, so that more people would/could know this Capricorn better.. :)

既然我成天都挂在脸书上，难免会去做一些自娱娱人的心理测验。。较有人气的要属试图让人们更加了解自己星座有关的测验。。以下是一些我认为有趣又有点准的。。我将尝试把它们翻译成英文，让多一点的人可以了解我这只“摩羯”。。


12星座永恆不變的優點，結果是 【摩羯座】謹慎謙遜
你不喜歡出風頭，而且很現實。你喜歡清純的愛，即使是小小的幸福，也會使你感到很大的喜悅。你保守而馴良，崇尚整潔及秩序，而且你具有誠實的責任感及強烈的耐力。你有一種確定目的後便不離放的忍耐精神。你非常樸素、愛乾淨。你往往因過分堅持自己的意見而吃虧。而且，由於你為人比較沉靜，常被認為是性格捉摸不定的人。摩羯座是有內向性格的女性星座：你比較傾向女性陰柔的一面。你重感情、做人踏實、對自己也蠻有自信的哦！還有你穩健、平和、溫柔，做事不會太莽撞。

Eternal virtues: Capricorn - Discrete and Humble
You dislike being in the limelight, and is very realistic. You like simplicity in love, even small things would please you immensely. You are conservative and accommodating, loves tidiness and orderliness, and you have a great sense of responsibility and high tolerance. Once you have decided, you never give up. Often, you are at the losing end because you are too stubborn. And as you are reserved, people tend to mistake you as being unpredictable. Capricorns are more feminine. You treasure relationships, steady and quite confident. Also, you are reliable, gentle and not hasty.

無情12星座的排名,結果是 【摩羯座】第六位
山羊座或許不是你冷酷，而是你真的不懂得如何表達他心目中的情感所累事。在你們的字典中，一不情人，一不敵人，就像插蘇頭和插頭的關係，一不插著，一不拿開，沒有灰色地帶似的，但說到尾，你們復原的時間，其實比其它星座情人還要長。有情和無情，可能就只是一線之差。

Cold-hearted Ranking: Capricorn - No. 6
Capricorns might not be heartless, as you have no idea how to express your emotions or things that are troubling you. In your world, neither lovers nor enemies exist, there is no gray area. Yet the time for you to recover from any relationships is so much longer than other horoscopes. The line between emotional and cold-blooded is ever so thin.

12星座的悲傷都寫在哪裡？結果是 【摩羯座】心底
在這個世界上，有些人如白紙剔透，有些人卻早已塵封了厚厚的灰塵，風來，雨來，也奈何不得。蠍子和摩羯應該就屬於後者，也許與生俱來，他們從來就不單純。因此，許多人恨上了他們的真情假意，或者，蠍子和摩羯的內心也早就恨上了自己。
他們徘徊在世界的繁華落寞，卻無法驅散心裡的愛和恨。在自己心底，潛藏著那種叫“悲傷”的東西，時不時的浮出，但總是堅強的把它給壓抑下去。有些痛，就好像要嚼爛了，咽下去，讓心底的洪流沖刷，最後表面干淨了。蠍子和摩羯不會讓別人看見奔騰的悲傷，因此留給自己一顆被蠶食了的不堪的心，對於他們來說那是生命的代價。

Where does one hide one's sorrow? Capricorn - Deep inside your heart
In this world, there are two types of people. One is as pure and innocent as white sheet of paper, while the other has been covered with layers and layers of dust, which can't be washed away by any rain or wind. Capricorns are the latter, and you are never pure and innocent. Thus, many hate you for your hypocrisy, and maybe deep in your heart, you had long since hated yourself too.
You loiter between the bustle and desolation of the world, unable to banish the love and hatred within you. Deep within your heart, lies dormant a thing called "sorrow". Capricorns would sternly suppressed it, whenever it raises its head. You would chew on the pain that gnaws endlessly, swallow it and then wash it away by your inner waves. You would never allow others to have even a glimpse of your raging sorrow, and thus having a badly battered and utterly tormented heart is a price you pay in Life.

星座之最,結果是 【摩羯座】
Capricorns are the
最穩重 (Most Steadfast)
最木訥 (Most Reserved)
最負責 (Most Responsible)
最老實 (Most Honest)
最富有 (Richest)
最不知變通 (Most inflexible)
最適合當上班族 (Most suited to work 9-to-5)
最容易發生師生戀 (Easiest to fall in love with teacher/student)
最難從失戀中恢復 (Hardest to recover from heart breaks)
最沒有肚量 (Most Petty)
最有理智 (Most Rational)
最受不了批評 (Most unable to accept criticism)
最勤奮 (Most Hardworking)
最上進 (Most Motivated)
最頑固 (Most Stubborn)

Saving HO*

Went to my sister's "rescue" yesterday night...

Bought some fried rice and some drinks for her and her colleagues, which was going to be her first meal of the day (and it was almost 9:30pm when we delivered the food)... She was totally "zombified" and thoroughly tired from the lack of sleep/rest. She has been working from 6am till 2am the past few days.. And a while before meeting us, she just sent another of her patients to the ICU.. Suffering from physical and mental exhaustion, coupled with the emotional strain of seeing her patients collapsing and/or deteriorating, she broke down in the car.. My heart went with her and I too shed a few tears.. I could only hold her hands and gave her my support in silence as I was never good with words.. She then picked herself up in less than 10 minutes and went back to work..

As I had mentioned in my earlier blog, my sister started working in the local hospital about 1 week ago.. her first rotation is with the operating/surgical department... And during the past 7 days, I only saw her twice (for less than 10minutes just to pass her food/stuff), received 3 phone calls and 4 SMS from her.. Working 18-hours shift EVERYDAY, she has another 2 more weeks to go before she gets ANY off days.. yes, she doesn't even have off-days for THREE WEEKS!! And she is not alone.. most of her friends, regardless of where they are posted (Penang, Ipoh, KL, Seberang Perai, etc), are all working such long hours..

We all thought that having endured 7 long years, doing her medical degree in Moscow (one of the unfriendliest and harshest cities for Asians), my sister would have an easier life back in her own country.. It just defies comprehension that with an excess of trainee doctors (that was what the MOH said), they still have to work such long and unforgiving hours.. But again, how could there be an excess of doctors, when the doctor-patient ratio is 1:1105!!! (2008 figures from MOH's website) It is 1:620 in Singapore, even Venezuela, which has similar population size but bigger in land area, has a lower ratio of 1:500 (as of 2005)!!

Another question that comes to mind, Is there a need to put doctors through such torturous 18-hours shifts, with no rest day in between?? If ordinary workers are not supposed to work more than 48 hours A WEEK (without Over Time), what about doctors?? These are the people who deals with HUMAN LIVES, and yet they are not allowed to take enough rest!!?!! No wonder, most doctors (or those capable ones) leave the public sectors and go into private practice or join private hospitals after they get their license to practice.. It is a vicious cycle.. Doctors leave, thus the shortage, thus the long hours.. so why can't the ministry do something to shorten the hours, making hours more bearable for the doctors, and maybe more doctors would stay and thus address the issue of shortages.. All they need is better resource planning.. if the authorities bother to look into this..

Maybe she just need some time to get used to the hellish working hours and "combat-zone"-like working environment.. Maybe she need time to learn to let go of the things she has no control over.. Maybe she would eventually learn to not blame herself for not being able to save every single patients of hers.. But one thing I am sure, my sister will come out stronger (mentally and emotionally) like she always do, and all these will no doubt make her a better doctor...(Either 1999 or 2000, when we went to visit my brother's Uni campus of UPM)

Some background:
HO stands for Health Officer, referring to trainee doctors who are undergoing their compulsory housemanship in hospitals. They will be attached to different departments for 4 months (which is called "rotation"). At the start of each rotation (aka reporting to a new department), they need to work 18-hour shifts EVERYDAY for 2 or 3 weeks STRAIGHT, before settling down into another (supposedly) more humane shift (which I have yet to ask my sister about).. The trainee doctors need to get each departmental heads to sign off before moving on to another department. Minimum duration of housemanship is 2 years, but there are cases of extension..

Once they completed and passed their housemanship, they will be "promoted" to MO, which stands for Medical Officers. The working hours of MO would be much more normal with slightly more rest/off days. She needs to serve as MO for 3 years before she could get her license to practice, else where.

Of Yen, Ringgit and Dollar

When I first arrived in Japan, I used to compare the prices with those in Singapore, as I have been in the Lion City for such a long time.. Singapore dollar was my base currency.. Then, the exchange rate was around 1.32, meaning ¥100 would get you SGD$1.33, and now the rate is hovering around 1.52.. While most of my Malaysian friends tend to see everything in terms of Ringgit.. To them, the yen is of "higher" value, with the current rate being around 3.75 (¥100 gets you MYR$3.75). Thus, the monthly allowance from the scholarship was in fact a pay raise of sort for them, while I actually took a 40% pay cut by accepting the scholarship to go study..

After more than 2.5years in Japan, everything in Malaysia and Singapore seemed cheaper in comparison as I became "acclimatized" to Yen.. Think it will take me a while to get use to the prices in Malaysia..

Until I find a job, I will be living on my savings for a while and since I don't have any in Ringgit, I will need to master the act of getting the most out of the foreign currency fluctuation.. So monitoring the currency market shall be part of my daily routine.. :x

Rainy days..

It has been raining since early morning today.. Been having lots of wet days in Taiping.. After all, this IS the "wettest city" in Peninsular Malaysia, isn't it?!

The rain kinda cool things down a lot, making the day more bearable in the range of low twenties.. yet, it only made my mood worse.. or maybe it is just me.. if there is a scale for mood, from 0 as depressed and 100 as ecstasy, think I have been hovering around low 40s, sometimes dipping into 30s and had never gone higher than 50 in the past 2 weeks.. Nothing seems to perk me up.. nor excites me.. not even food or cooking...

Been reading lots of motivation books and "hope-inspiring" self-help books.. but the effect is at best, minimal.. somehow I need to look at things differently, change my perspective, so to speak.. somehow I need to stop this slide down the dark abyss of hopelessness.. somehow.. I know what I should be doing, yet I can't seem to be able to get myself to do it..

Maybe I need some/more time.. Maybe I need some/more space.. Maybe I just need to give myself a break and stop being so hard on myself for being jobless/aimless/whatever-less..

Untitled

This is the translation of the Chinese blog entry yesterday..

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Helplessness, still gnawing at me,
mercilessly..

Didn't wanna think anymore, yet habitually my thoughts still revolves around....
It is time to look forward, yet unconsciously my eyes kept drifting back..
It is time to let go, yet my fists refuse to unclench..
It is time to move on, yet my feet remain cemented..
The inner conflict, the battle between rational and emotional,
is wearing me out..
Yet, no one can fight this war for me..
No matter how exhausted I am or how insurmountable it is,
I am the only person who can and must overcome this quandary..

Somehow, I have to get out of this quagmire..
else, I don't even dare to think of the consequences if I didn't..

無題

無奈，還是無情地侵襲著我。。

不想再去想了，思緒卻還是難免地會環繞著。。
是時候向前看了，頭卻不由自主地老往過去張望。。
知道該放手了，雙拳仍然緊握著不放。。
應該跨步向前了，兩腳依舊站在原地不動。。
內心的掙扎，理性跟感性的交戰，搞到自己疲憊不堪。。
但無人可以代替我出征，再累再困難，也只有自己可以為自己解這個難題。。

無論如何，我必須克服這個難關。。
不然，后果我也不敢去想象。。

Of bites, pimples and bumps

Life has become so monotonous.. :x :x

Although my life was never very exciting in the first place, but staying with my parents, with no transportation (still haven't re-learn my driving, cos my sis drove the old car to work on Tuesday and haven't come back since because of her hellish 14-day 18-hr shift work!!) and no friends to meet up in Malaysia, I can't find any reason nor excuse to leave the house AT ALL!! So I am very grateful that I still have the Internet and Facebook that have allowed me to feel that I am still connected to the outside world..

Wake up, check emails, "hang-out" in FB, eat breakfast, do some translations (if there is), write my blog, "hang-out" in FB, read some news, tidy up the house, eat lunch, read a book, "hang-out" in FB, take a nap, sort out my stuffs (whatever that might be), cook/eat dinner, chat with parents, do some translations (if there is), "hang-out" in FB, do my stuff (whatever that might be), write my diary, read a book, sleep...

That's pretty much the things I do everyday..

You can see that I am on FB practically ALL my waking hours.. I know I should be doing something more productive.. I know I should be spending MORE time looking for a job or scholarship opportunities.. I know I should do a lot of other things, instead of wasting my time (and my life) in the cyberspace.. There are many things that I KNOW I should be doing, but I still trying to muster the motivation to get started.. :(

Because my life seemed so aimless and random now, my body is not taking it well.. add to the fact that I am not getting as much exercise as I did while in Japan, where I walked everywhere everyday.. which might explain why my nose seems to be "perpetually" on "runny-mode".. and the two HUGE pimples that popped up yesterday (on my left cheek and at the end of my right eye-brow).. I became quite clumsy too, hitting my head, not once, not twice but 4 times in the past 2 days!! :x :x and yeah, not to mention the number of mosquito bites that I have "accumulated" so far (17 bites, if you are curious to know)..

Somehow I need to rediscover the drive and energy to kick-start my job search.. This is so UNLIKE me.. If I show the "me" of today to the "me" 5 years ago, I think the old "me" would have hentam (Malay word for beat or hit) the current "me" or at least give a solid scolding for being so lackadaisical or so "idle" (as it is called in Singapore) or so "lepak" (for Malaysians)...

ARGHHH.. need to find the "fire" in me again... and soon... else I might just languish in apathy forever...

CE: Translating

Caught the translation bug recently.. :)
Been reading a few books, some in Chinese, some in English.. I will try to translate some of the articles that I think should be shared, so that more would be able to read them..
This time, it is from Chinese to English.. Did it this morning..
Any feedback is welcomed!

這幾天“迷”上了翻譯。。
現在正在看幾本書，中英都有。。會盡力把一些我認為值得跟大家分享的好文章翻譯過來，好讓更多人可以享閱到。。
這一次是中翻英，今天早上的成果。。
歡迎批評與指教。

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
不再追悔

窗外的陽光燦爛，而你的內心卻桎梏在一片懊悔的陰郁中。

你自責，要是當初你沒那麼做，就不會發生這種事。

你懊惱，假如那時你早點發現，也就不會變成這樣。

你不斷追悔，早知道會這樣，你就。。。。

“早知道：我就。。”當事情發生了，我們總習慣這麼說。我們常會嘆息過去某個時刻，為什麼不做另一個選擇，這種想法開始就是個錯誤。

你想過嗎？當你說“早知道”的時候，就表示你之前並不知道，對嗎？既然是不知道，你能怎麼樣？你能對一件根本不知道的事怎麼樣？

沒有任何事情，能在遇到或知道之前就改變，不是嗎？

沒有人是不會犯錯的，每個人，包括你、我，甚至任何偉人在內，都曾做出錯誤的判斷，人只有在往回看的時候，才知道自己錯了，正可謂“昨是而今非”。

有迷才有悟，過去的迷，正好是今天悟的契機。所以，何必自責呢？就算你真的有錯，那也是你根據自己的經驗和知識，在當時做出你認為最好的決定，這些決定，在當時看來並不是錯的。

你實在沒有必要為了過去“還不知道”的錯而痛斥自己，難道錯誤給你的打擊還不夠嗎？

我們應該停止悔恨的愚行，把精力集中在“現在的我能做什麼”，而不是“當時的我做了什麼”，若能如此，那麼你從失敗中學到的。將會比從成功中學到的更多。

取自: 何權峰的《忘了總比記得好》

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My translation of this article:

Stop feeling remorse

The sun is shining brightly outside, yet you are tormented by your inner anguish of regrets..

You blame yourself, for if you had not done "this", "that" wouldn't had happened..

You reproach yourself, for not realizing "it" earlier or else things wouldn't had turn out this way..

You kept regretting, kept thinking that if you only knew things would be so, then you would have....

"If I only knew, I would have.." We all love to say this in retrospect. We like to bemoan the choices we made at certain point of time.. Why didn't we do this instead of that? But, we shouldn't even have such a thought in the first place!

Have you thought about it before? When you said, "If I only knew..", it meant that you didn't know at that time, isn't it? Since you didn't know, what else could you have done? What could you do about something that you have no idea of?

You can't change things that you have yet to encounter or know about, can you?

No one is faultless, everyone including you and me, or even those great men, had made wrong judgment call(s) one time or another. It is only when we look back that we realized that we were wrong, it was "right then, wrong now".

We learn from our mistakes, as the mistakes of yesterday serve as the lessons for today. So why should you reproach yourself? Even if you really did make a mistake, your decisions were made based on your experience and your knowledge then, thus those decisions didn't felt wrong at that point of time.

Hence, there is no reason for you to keep blaming yourself for the things that you didn't know was wrong. Why torture yourself further? Isn't suffering the consequences of your mistakes bad enough?

We should stop this foolish obsession of feeling remorseful, and concentrate on "the thing that I can do now", instead of "the things I did then". If you could do this, then you would learn much more from your mistakes than from your successes.


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Home

So I am home..
and I don't feel awesome,
not even wholesome,
pondering about what I have become..

So I am home...
not that I don't feel welcome,
just worried that I'll be burdensome,
with neither job nor income..

So I am home...
yet, I can't help but feel lonesome,
with a tinge of wearisome,
wondering if I could overcome..

My Baby Sister.. A doctor..

Just send my sister off.. Can't believe that my baby sister will be starting her housemanship today.. at my town's general hospital.. After 7 years in Moscow, Russia, she is finally back in the country.. now she is taking her first steps in getting her practicing license.. Because she decided to come back to Malaysia, on top of the 2 years compulsory housemanship, she needs to serve the country for another 3 more years for a total of 5 years before getting her medical license.. It is a long road ahead, but one that she had chosen for herself..

I was rarely around during her growing years.. having left home to Singapore almost 15 years ago.. with a 9-year gap between us, she is the baby of the family.. (ya.. that's me and my sis.. she was barely 1 year old in this photo.)

Because of the big age gap, she more or less grew up as if she was the only child in the family, with me and then my brother moving out of the house when we were in University.. she was the more outgoing one.. the more friendly and approachable one.. the one with better EQ.. she was very active in PBSM (Red Cross/Crescent Society) and sometimes would even defy my parents with late night meetings and camping/camp fire activities.. she is the counselor, the mediator, the leader, the "big sister" among her friends.. and sometimes, I think she is more sensible and has more "heart" than me..

Then, I was surprised at her determination to do medicine and was even willing to go half a globe away to Moscow to do it.. Now, I am happy that she did.. because I saw in her the aptitude and empathy that a doctor should have.. she didn't do it for the glamor, prestige or because my parents wanted her to.. unlike me, she is truly and naturally compassionate and caring.. and she is not afraid to show it.. Of course, she is no saint.. she has the "family traits" of stubbornness and control-freakness.. :p but with her superior EQ, she is less of a "pain in the ass" than I am.. :)

She will be on 18-hour daily shift (from 6am to 12midnight) for 14 days STRAIGHT from tomorrow onwards.. before reverting to a 12-hour daily shift with on-calls duties thrown in between.. Thus my only worry is her health.. not that she is weak or anything, more like she tends to overwork herself because she is too responsible (another family trait).. but there is nothing that I can do about that, she has to take care of herself which I believe she will.. What I can do is to wish her all the best, let her concentrate on her job and not let her worry about anything else.. 小妹，加油！！

了解 (Understood)

It has been a week already.. although I have learned to not care about certain things (that are so different, but not necessarily right/wrong) in this country, I am still easily perturbed.. yet, there is nothing I can do about these things.. except to get out of this country asap..

And that sense of helplessness is not just about the external environment.. I am having an internal battle within myself too.. Not many would understand how I feel.. maybe those who had stayed overseas for a couple of years would be able to see and understand some of my frustrations and dismay.. Maybe to some, I should "just suck it up, look for any good-paying job and settle down" (whatever "settle down" means)..

The reluctance to change to fit into the environment here is slowly taking its toll on my mental well-being.. because I have seen how life could be so much more than what this country could ever offer.. because I have gotten used to law and order, and that personal security is basic, not a luxury.. because I have tasted freedom from social norm and family expectation.. because I have lived my life (at least for the past 15 years) MY way and on MY terms.. Why should I give up all these just to stay in a country that doesn't even treat me fairly, much less value me as its citizen?

Met up with one of my friends, Seow Hoon, who came back to Malaysia for a short holiday yesterday in Taiping.. She too is facing a dilemma of sort.. From a third party's perspective, both of us seemed to have it all.. "smart, capable and highly educated"... yet, both of us are at crossroads of our lives, and each fighting a battle of a different sort.. she's deciding if she wants to commit to a PhD program that would tie her down for at least 4 years and if the life of a researcher is what she wants.. while I need to convince myself that the sense of uncertainty (about my future) is temporary and that I am making the right decision to turn my back against going back to being an Engineer and embark on a different career path.. And at the same time, both of us has to accept the fact that we are depending on our families again after all these years of being financially independent..

I must admit all these are extremely difficult for me, especially not having a job.. Being a Capricorn, I see myself as being rational, practical, dependable and independent, yet the state that I am in now is anything but the above.. thus the ever-growing and gnawing sense of frustration, uncertainty and self-doubt.. But I believe I will overcome all these sooner or later and find my bearings again.. just need a little bit more time.. I hope...

Jackass Jiran II

Can anyone teach me how to murder my neighbor (and not get caught)? Or at least make him mute? Seemed like I had given too much benefit of the doubt to that Jackass Jiran of mine..

Yes, that jackass neighbor of mine had another round of his karaoke session with his bunch of lackeys last night.. Because of the rain, his party couldn't start until almost 11pm.. and boy, did they try to make up for lost time.. All the bloody assholes sang to their hearts content by shouting and screaming at the top of their voices.. Imagine, on the night where the moon is the brightest and fullest, where one supposed to enjoy the nice quiet ambiance with family and friends, a bunch of morons are spoiling it by their horrendous singing.. Actually, I won't even call that singing, more like making grunting noises that would only impress brainless bimbos and money-sucking material bitches..

Since I can't do anything about these imbeciles, I can only dream up 101 ways of them dying/suffering for having fun at the expense of other neighbors..

Imaging one of the nitwits suddenly drop dead because he choked on his own saliva or false teeth..
Imaging one of the morons clutching his chest and then drop dead immediately cos of a heart-attack from all the intense screaming..
Imaging the HUGE speaker falling onto one of the dumbasses, splitting his skull instantly..
Imaging one of the jugheads bursting a vein in his head thus losing all feelings to his "precious"..
Imaging the microphone short-circuited and electrocutes one of the twits..
Imaging one of the buffoons falling from the stage and crushed his "family jewels" while trying to show-off some dance steps...
Imaging one of nincompoops winked at the wrong girl while singing and all hell break loose, with some of them killing some..
Imaging rival gang members suddenly arrive in vans, carrying parangs (machetes) and start chopping these dimwits..
Imaging one of the numskulls accidentally poisoned everyone when he thought paraquat was French wine..
Imaging the special forces suddenly swamp in gunning down this bunch of goons because of some mis-intelligence about them being terrorists..
Imaging a fire broke out and burnt the house down, including all the halfwits, because one of halfwits accidentally poured some alcohol onto the expensive wooden furniture, while another tried to put out his cigarette on that same piece of furniture..
Imaging one of the birdbrains suddenly went berserk/amok (because of the full moon) and stabbed everyone 13 times...
Like imaging ALL of them having ED (Erectile Deficiency) and could not get "it" up for the same number of weeks as the number of songs they sang..


p/s: Anyone know of any ways to disrupt the electricity of the house, or got lobang for me to get hold of those cool gadgets that can send magnetic pulse to black-out an entire building, please contact me privately.

Mid Autumn's Festival 2009

Wrote about this festival exactly 2 years ago..

What difference it has been in 2 years.... Then, I was experiencing my first autumn in Japan.. Now, autumn is my favorite season.. Then, I was alone in a foreign country (like the past 15 years).. Now, I am back with my family.. Yet the sense of melancholy remains the same..

Another thing always gets on my nerves is how people keep referring this festival as "Moon cake Festival".. Seriously, call it its proper name, it is called the Mid-Autumn Festival.. 是中秋节不是月饼节！！！ there is so much more to this day than just eating moon cakes.. There are many stories surrounding this festival.. and I think Wikipedia has done quite a comprehensive job in collecting most of the stories behind it..

Other than the poem by 《水调歌头》from 苏轼, I like this one too...

《月下独酌》 （唐）李白

花间一壶酒，独酌无相亲。
举杯邀明月，对影成三人。
月既不解饮，影徒随我身。
暂伴月将影，行乐须及春。
我歌月徘徊，我舞影零乱。
醒时同交欢，醉后各分散。
永结无情游，相期邈云汉。

And here is my novice interpretation of this poem..

Drinking alone under the moonlight
Among the blooming flowers, a bottle of wine is prepared,
drinking it alone as there are no one around.
Offering a toast to the full moon,
three's a company with the moon, my shadow and me.
The moon does not know the joy of drinking,
neither does my shadow, simply mimicking my every moves.
Alas I have only the moon and my shadow for company,
I need to make merry while the situation permits.
As I sing aloud, the moon listens in silence;
as I dance around, my shadow follows in vain.
We did have fun together while we are still sober,
yet we had to go our separate ways the morning after.
May we share this friendship forever,
and let's promise to meet somewhere far away..

So? What do you think? Feedback is welcomed..

Anyway, Happy Mid Autumn's Festival! 中秋节快乐！
祝大家：月圆人团圆！

Out of a suitcase

Literally, I am now living out of suitcases...
For the past 15 years, every time I come back to visit my parents, I will bring my own clothes from Singapore/Japan.. Of course, there are still some of my old clothes here and there at my parent's place, but most of them were in my home in Singapore/Japan..

All the cupboards in my parent's house now are filled with old clothes.. If I want to claim a spot, I would need to clean out all the old clothes.. With my brother and sister living overseas for the past 7 years, there bound to be lots of their old clothes that were kept for remembrance sake.. So I can't really throw out their clothes without asking for their permission.. Imagine how surprised I am when I recently found some T'shirts from my NUS-Eusoff Hall time!! Those are at least 13 years old and yet still in brand new condition!! And frankly, some of the clothes were so old that I can't remember if they were mine or theirs.. Oh, did I mention that our family is a bunch of hoarders?? :p

I think I will have a fun but hard time sorting out those clothes.. yet regardless, I still do not have enough space for ALL my clothes, even though I am not one who buys lots of clothes to begin with.. So for now, I am living out of my suitcases.. until I sort out (and dispose of) all the old clothes, or until I move out again..

Jackass Jiran..

Let me pose a hypothetical question:
You are moving into your new house.. a house that you spend A LOT of money building.. The neighborhood is an old neighborhood, where almost everyone knows everyone.. You are the new kid on the block, literally.. And yes, you are the BOSS and (maybe filthy) RICH.. Tonight, you are having your house-warming party..

Question:
1. Would you invite your neighbors?
2. Would you antagonize your neighbors by blasting loud music way into the night?

Anyone with a tinge of E.Q. or common courtesy would be able answer these 2 simple questions.. but well, unfortunately, that neighbor of mine failed miserably..


Here is why:
1. He invited lots of his workers and business associates.. yet didn't invite ANY neighbors..
2. He didn't even go around the neighborhood asking for people's understanding for the disturbances that he was going to cause..
3. He started his party at 8pm with karaoke sessions, with HUGE speakers blasting OUT from the house, INTO the neighborhood.. even his kids joined in the karaoke sessions.. way into the night, past 2am!!!...
4. Those morons were singing their hearts out... and I mean REALLY SUPER LOUD.. I can feel the bass and tremble in my house, which is about 50m away..


This is my take on the situation:
1. He has such low self-esteem that he has to justify his existence with a huge house and has to show-off his SUPERIOR SOUND SYSTEMS..
2. He was trying to evoke envy by "showcasing" his prized possessions, but unknowing exposed his lack of gray matter up there..
3. There were many ways to let people know that he is rich, yet he choose a way that pissed everyone off (except his employees and business associates who don't stay here)... He is enjoying himself at the expense of others.. If his aim was to impress his employees and business associates, he could have done a better job by showing them what a considerate man he is by having a private party WITHIN a nicely decorated and furnished karaoke room that is COMPLETELY sound proof..
4. It doesn't matter if they were singing HK Cantopop, Hokkien songs or English oldies, they have no rights to disturb the WHOLE neighborhood, much less subject everyone to their horrendous singing..
5. He might have money, but he definitely do not have class... and he sure don't have much brains too.. You can't impress people by showing how much money you have, but how you carry yourself..

Bottom line:
I don't respect him nor do I even bother to make acquaintance with such a person.. He is such a pitiful prick..


My advice to this poor fella:
1. Make sure he put up the most sophisticated security and fire alarm system, and have the police and fire station on alert 24/7.. And pray hard that nothing happens to his house or his family.. Cos if anything should happen, NO ONE in this neighborhood will help him, at least I know I won't..
2. Make sure he has plenty of cash on him.. so that he can PAY people to help him.. I could use some cash..
3. Make sure his employees or business associates can come to his rescue fast..
since he thinks so highly of them and willing to entertain them on the expense of his IMMEDIATE neighbors.. since he didn't even bother to talk to his neighbors in the first place, nor apologize for the disturbances that he caused..
4. Make sure his GOD/BUDDHA/ALLAH/Whom-ever he believes in is going to protect him and his family.. cos I can bet many of the neighbors weren't having nice thoughts of him and his family for all the disturbance he had caused..
[I can't say for others, but I did curse them many many many times for the headache the loud music was causing me..]


We, the Chinese, kept complaining about the loud azan that mosques broadcast but we forgot to look at ourselves.. One was done because of religious needs, but this "open-air-free-for-all" karaoke session was conducted to satisfy some idiot's need to show-off.. Tell me how could we plead our case with more credibility?? I would take the azan over this torturous ear-assault any time!!!

All these just showcase how inconsiderate people has became in the race for material gain.. Everywhere I go, basic courtesies and mutual respects are forgotten.. they had been relegated to just being textbook subjects or lip-services.. To me, this scenario of "showing off one's money while at the same time showing his/her lack of brains" is very prevalent among all races in Malaysia.. Seemed like the more money these people have, the smaller they brain became and more jackass/inconsiderate they behave....

Think it would be unfair to ask HIM (whoever HE might be) to save this country, looking at how gargantuan the task will be with so many of these morons/jackasses around.. HE has better things to do than this.. I think I better save myself..by getting out of here ASAP...


Jiran is the Malay word for neighbor.